Preparing To Be A Help Meet – Part 1 – Antsy Babies

Preparing To Be A Help Meet – Part 1 – Antsy Babies December 9, 2014
The only type of acceptable King Cry Baby, unlike those Priestly-Kingly or other dudes/duds Debi pushes as Mr. Right
The only type of acceptable King Cry Baby, unlike those Priestly-Kingly or other dudes/duds Debi pushes as Mr. Right

by Mel cross posted from her blog When Cows and Kids Collide

Hey, new chapter! Perhaps Debi will finally let us in on what “antsy” means. I know I’ve been waiting on bated breath for the definition of such an uncommon word.

Moral to the Story: Patience is crucial. Even when a little pressure is kind, polite, and thoughtful, it is still taking control.

Debi has explained the main problem of the role of women in the CP world: Avoiding “taking control” from men trumps thoughtful, kind and polite words or actions.

A Caution: Desperation leads to becoming a Grabber.

Some of the following negative stories are depressing, but neccessary for your admonition. Don’t lose heart, for, as painful as it may be, there is nothing more influential than seeing the pain someone else experienced having traveled a road that diverges from yours. I hope these stories open your eyes so you can see the pitfalls to avoid and so you can find the bridge to a good life.

Debi thinks the previous stories are happy. Wow. That’s absurd.

Case #1: The Ansty Babe: Rose Mary was twenty-one. She loved working at her full-time, creative job, and she enjoyed her various weekend ministries. She even went on mission trips occasionally. Rose Mary was not a Grabber or a Hidden Flower.

I love how Debi always manages to “find” stories that show a careful progression demonstrating that even if you follow her previous advice you can still epically fail.

She had met many possible guys, but one man really stood out as being a Super Dude. He wasn’t tall, dark or handsome but he was cool, smart and in control.

Why is she taking a swipe at “Super Dude”? I think the agression is leaking out at the edges again.

On occasion he came into town and dropped in on her family. Rose Mary loved it when he visited because she and Super Dude really hit it off. They talked for hours about everything from politics to Bible doctrine. But Mr. Super Dude never seemed to progress from being a friend to a Possibility or, even better, a Probability.

Then Mr. Super Dude wrote her on Facebook. Okay, progress. After much writing, visiting, more writing and antoher visit, Mr. Super Dude still said not a word of anything personal. How good of a friend does a man need to be before he progresses?

In my world, nothing screams that Mr. Super Dude is that interested in Rose Mary. It’s not a given that a friendship will move to romance.

Rose Mary was frustrated. Had she invested her energies in a shadow? Why did he make a point of writing her, visiting her family, but he never gave any indication of interest?

Well, he might not be interested. Or, if Rose Mary is following the PearlMethod of dating, he might be very interested, but afraid to show any more interest because… improper thoughts? getting judged by Debi?

They were both old enough, so …duuuh. She got antsy…then she began to fume, talk with friends trying to decipher if he might be interested. She finally got angry. What she wasn’t was patient. He is not going to keep me hanging on, she fumed. Rose Mary developed a serious case of female pride. So she wrote Mr. Super Dude and told him in a very nice way that a man should either be serious or not become good friends with a girl.

Wait. Rose Mary’s major problem was that she explained politely that she wanted either to start dating or end their friendship so she could be available for another guy.

What’s wrong with that? I don’t see what the crime is here.

[Priestly Man: I’m not sure she should have been sitting around waiting for him. And certainly cutting off their relationship was a bad idea. This raises some questions: Can a girl and a guy not just be friends? Can they even become good friends and not have further expectations? If there is nothing inappropriate or indiscreet going on, isn’t it ok? I’ll say right here I don’t have the answers to these questions, but I know that for me it is hard to see any girl as “just another friend”. There is always going to be the question in the back of my mind, “Could this be the girl?” At a certain level of involvement, however, I believe that it is wise for girls and guys who are “just friends” to discuss their views with each other and their intentions. This keeps everything above board, open, honest and realistic.]

I don’t think that every man and woman who are unmarried and friends need to have a sit-down talk. I do think, though, that either party should have the freedom bring up romantic feelings if they want to change the relationship.

Now Rose Mary no longer has a friend, a Probability, and certainly not a Possibility.

The sentence makes more sense if Probability and Possibility are reversed.

Regardless, while this relationship didn’t end up as a marriage, at least Rose Mary didn’t waste YEARS pining over a non-starter relationship.

Was Super Dude biding his time until he had all his ducks in a row like the Italian Prince who waited until he finished college and was financially stable? We will never know – neither will Rose Mary.

If that was the case, Super Dude could have said that he didn’t want to be in a relationship until he finished college and was financially stable. Adults should be able to communicate; if Super Dude can’t, then Rose Mary is better off with someone else.

If Super Dude was considering her, then she surely scared him off with her demand. I would guess he is a King. Kings react forcefully and finally when rebuked or challenged. But then, no man (Prophet, Priest or King) likes a woman to force his hand prematurely.

Yes, in PearlWorld, all adult men are self-important crybabies. If you speak forcefully to them, they fall apart and run away.

Sometimes though, a man will need a wake-up announcement. What is a proper wake-up announcement? We will visit that idea and tell the story of a girl who softly “woke up” her man, and won him.

Place your bets on Debi being the girl who “woke up” her man.

[ Priestly Man: Notify, but do not inform. Seek his notice, but do not demand his intentions.]


How do you notify someone without giving them information? Look, women should be able to communicate attraction to men directly instead of hanging around like a puppy waiting for some attention.

AntiPearl: Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can’t, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.
Robert Frost


Read everything by Mel!

Mel is a science teacher who works with at-risk teens and lives on a dairy farm with her husband. She blogs at When Cows and Kids Collide

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  • Nea

    So she wrote Mr. Super Dude and told him in a very nice way that a man
    should either be serious or not become good friends with a girl.

    ZOMG, self respect and boundaries! That whore!!

    Can a girl and a guy not just be friends?
    I don’t know, Michael, you’re the one who makes a Giant Fnuckin’ Deal out of never ever no not once shaking the hand of any woman of any age or availability (or lack thereof) in your congregations because… I don’t know why, actually. Because you hope that a 90 year old granny’s knickers will explode at the Manliness Of Your Touch? Certainly to the point of Debi majorly overreacting to your one twitch in her direction.

    There is always going to be the question in the back of my mind, “Could this be the girl?
    Seriously dude? Even *after* you married? Creeee-py.

    Now Rose Mary no longer has a friend, a Probability, and certainly not a Possibility
    On the other hand, she has the painful but extremely useful information that the guy she had a crush on is a major jerk.

    But then, no man (Prophet, Priest or King) likes a woman to force his hand prematurely
    God forbid a man have to explain his actions to the person most affected by them.

    Seek his notice, but do not demand his intentions
    Be like Debi instead. Work like a dog, bite your tongue when he parades the competition in front of you, LIE TO HIM to manipulate him into a declaration – always a better choice than honest communication – and assume that having your hand held for a moment is pretty much the same as sex. So much healthier.

  • Baby_Raptor

    I don’t think this kind of mindset allows people with uteri enough…humanity, I guess?…to actually make friends with *anyone.*

  • lodrelhai

    Can we just bask a minute in how much of a horror story this is *not*? To me this sounds like a perfectly valid and reasonable story of two people who did not have the same emotional investment in their relationship – he wanted a friend, she wanted more. Breaking things off was probably the healthiest option for both of them at that point. And if he was interested in her, and was chased off by a polite message asking his intentions, she is better off without him.

    Weirdly enough, this is a Debi Pearl story I’m willing to believe might be real. Why? She never tells us the long-term consequences. The pair stopped being friends, and that’s it. Why isn’t Rose Mary alone now, ugly and bitter because the man she shamelessly tried to force into action now has a properly submissive wife and a houseful of perfect, angelic children? Why isn’t she struggling to support her own dirty, monstrous kids after the weak, ungodly man she cowed into marrying her with her sickening boldness left her for a younger, hotter hussy? Why isn’t she at least humbled by this harsh life lesson, having learned to be properly submissive and saved by grace with a different man, but forever burdened with the haunting wonder of what might have been?

    Probably because she moved on. She dealt with the loss, and when she was ready she did what was best for her. He probably did the same thing. I think I shall imagine that this story was a letter sent to Debi by Rose Mary, as evidence that happiness is found outside of her crushing little worldview. That Rose Mary cited this instance as when she was trying to follow all of Debi’s toxic advice, and how when she finally took initiative, she and Super Dude found they wanted different things from each other and from life. That they decided to make a clean break at the time, but once both of them had healed and adapted they were able to be friends. That Rose Mary is now happily married to a man she loves and respects, and who loves and respects her – and so is Super Dude. 😉

  • Mel

    Nea, he didn’t shake the hands of old women because HIS KNICKERS could explode.

    Geez. Don’t you KNOW that all women are sexual temptresses!

  • Rebecca Horne

    Silly Rose Mary. Doesn’t she know that the proper way to handle a boy existing near you is to flaunt some other boyfriend and make him jealous?

    That’s how Debi got her awesome catch, after all.

    Edited to fix the name I got backwards. Really? She almost certainly is making up these names, and she chose Rose Mary? Next will we be meeting Thyme and her Potential, Basil?

  • Amarad

    I agree on this probably being a true story, though of course spun with Debi’s words and world view.

    It’s *vastly* more likely that what Rose Mary actually asked Super Dude was “I’m looking for marriage here, not just friendship.What are your intentions and is this going anywhere romantically in the long term?”

    He said no, and they went their own ways.

    But in Debi-Land, this was her being impatient and antsy. Rose Mary should have waited YEARS, patiently cultivating her
    relationship with Super Dude and hanging on his every word until he fell
    in love.

    The fact that Rose Mary had the *gall* to ask a *man* an upfront, honest question about his intentions instead of tormenting herself for ages like Debi did… *cough*.

  • lodrelhai

    It occurs to me that Debi is basically telling women to be Nice Guys, except when the person they’ve been quietly pining over doesn’t pick them, they’re supposed to blame themselves for doing everything wrong instead of rage about the evils of their objective’s entire gender.

  • Nea

    Oh, yeah, right. Because horny celibacy is always a good way of operating, when you can cure that with five minutes and some lotion.

  • BlueVibe

    “He’s not that into you” applies to the CF world, too, I would assume. Either this guy wasn’t that into her (and thus was never actually a Possibility) or he’s so invested in CF culture that it would always take precedence over a functional relationship. Anyway, far better that she move on now.

  • Rebecca Horne

    Yeah, I was thinking, “you sound like you’re complaining about being friendzoned.”

  • Rachel

    Manliness Of His Touch, I love it! I know I’m just a godless lesbian, but I’ve never made the jump from shaking someone’s hand to wanting to jump immediately into bed with them. That’s what’s so harmful about purity culture. It so demonizes desire, one of the most basic of human experiences, to the point where even normal day-to-day interactions with the opposite sex become a major issue. You can’t relax because you’re constantly afraid you might accidentally “commit adultery” by being attracted to someone.

  • Allison the Great

    It seems to me that those in the secular world are not as fragile as the people in Debi’s little world. Michael runs away or falls apart when someone corrects or contradicts him, and he’s one of the kingly men. If their kingly men are so weak that they can’t handle a simple question from a woman as to whether or not he’s interested in her, what are the common men like?

  • Nea

    That fear of your own normal feelings is a feature, not a bug, in that lifestyle.

  • Rachel

    Don’t I know it too. I spent the first 19 years of my life living it. The first half of my adolescence was spent worrying about “committing adultery” by lusting after boys (my parents were slightly more liberal than our peers in that it was acknowledged that women have sex drives too), the second half worrying because I wasn’t even tempted to lust after them at all! The entire time of course I was constantly worried about being a “stumbling block” for my “brothers in Christ” in the way I dressed and acted. I’m still recovering but that’s why we’re all here, right?