by Mel cross posted from her blog When Cows and Kids Collide
Hey, new chapter! Perhaps Debi will finally let us in on what “antsy” means. I know I’ve been waiting on bated breath for the definition of such an uncommon word.
Moral to the Story: Patience is crucial. Even when a little pressure is kind, polite, and thoughtful, it is still taking control.
Debi has explained the main problem of the role of women in the CP world: Avoiding “taking control” from men trumps thoughtful, kind and polite words or actions.
A Caution: Desperation leads to becoming a Grabber.
Some of the following negative stories are depressing, but neccessary for your admonition. Don’t lose heart, for, as painful as it may be, there is nothing more influential than seeing the pain someone else experienced having traveled a road that diverges from yours. I hope these stories open your eyes so you can see the pitfalls to avoid and so you can find the bridge to a good life.
Debi thinks the previous stories are happy. Wow. That’s absurd.
Case #1: The Ansty Babe: Rose Mary was twenty-one. She loved working at her full-time, creative job, and she enjoyed her various weekend ministries. She even went on mission trips occasionally. Rose Mary was not a Grabber or a Hidden Flower.
I love how Debi always manages to “find” stories that show a careful progression demonstrating that even if you follow her previous advice you can still epically fail.
She had met many possible guys, but one man really stood out as being a Super Dude. He wasn’t tall, dark or handsome but he was cool, smart and in control.
Why is she taking a swipe at “Super Dude”? I think the agression is leaking out at the edges again.
On occasion he came into town and dropped in on her family. Rose Mary loved it when he visited because she and Super Dude really hit it off. They talked for hours about everything from politics to Bible doctrine. But Mr. Super Dude never seemed to progress from being a friend to a Possibility or, even better, a Probability.
Then Mr. Super Dude wrote her on Facebook. Okay, progress. After much writing, visiting, more writing and antoher visit, Mr. Super Dude still said not a word of anything personal. How good of a friend does a man need to be before he progresses?
In my world, nothing screams that Mr. Super Dude is that interested in Rose Mary. It’s not a given that a friendship will move to romance.
Rose Mary was frustrated. Had she invested her energies in a shadow? Why did he make a point of writing her, visiting her family, but he never gave any indication of interest?
Well, he might not be interested. Or, if Rose Mary is following the PearlMethod of dating, he might be very interested, but afraid to show any more interest because…..sex? improper thoughts? getting judged by Debi?
They were both old enough, so …duuuh. She got antsy…then she began to fume, talk with friends trying to decipher if he might be interested. She finally got angry. What she wasn’t was patient. He is not going to keep me hanging on, she fumed. Rose Mary developed a serious case of female pride. So she wrote Mr. Super Dude and told him in a very nice way that a man should either be serious or not become good friends with a girl.
Wait. Rose Mary’s major problem was that she explained politely that she wanted either to start dating or end their friendship so she could be available for another guy.
What’s wrong with that? I don’t see what the crime is here.
[Priestly Man: I’m not sure she should have been sitting around waiting for him. And certainly cutting off their relationship was a bad idea. This raises some questions: Can a girl and a guy not just be friends? Can they even become good friends and not have further expectations? If there is nothing inappropriate or indiscreet going on, isn’t it ok? I’ll say right here I don’t have the answers to these questions, but I know that for me it is hard to see any girl as “just another friend”. There is always going to be the question in the back of my mind, “Could this be the girl?” At a certain level of involvement, however, I believe that it is wise for girls and guys who are “just friends” to discuss their views with each other and their intentions. This keeps everything above board, open, honest and realistic.]
I don’t think that every man and woman who are unmarried and friends need to have a sit-down talk. I do think, though, that either party should have the freedom bring up romantic feelings if they want to change the relationship.
Now Rose Mary no longer has a friend, a Probability, and certainly not a Possibility.
The sentence makes more sense if Probability and Possibility are reversed.
Regardless, while this relationship didn’t end up as a marriage, at least Rose Mary didn’t waste YEARS pining over a non-starter relationship.
Was Super Dude biding his time until he had all his ducks in a row like the Italian Prince who waited until he finished college and was financially stable? We will never know – neither will Rose Mary.
If that was the case, Super Dude could have said that he didn’t want to be in a relationship until he finished college and was financially stable. Adults should be able to communicate; if Super Dude can’t, then Rose Mary is better off with someone else.
If Super Dude was considering her, then she surely scared him off with her demand. I would guess he is a King. Kings react forcefully and finally when rebuked or challenged. But then, no man (Prophet, Priest or King) likes a woman to force his hand prematurely.
Yes, in PearlWorld, all adult men are self-important crybabies. If you speak forcefully to them, they fall apart and run away.
Sometimes though, a man will need a wake-up announcement. What is a proper wake-up announcement? We will visit that idea and tell the story of a girl who softly “woke up” her man, and won him.
Place your bets on Debi being the girl who “woke up” her man.
[ Priestly Man: Notify, but do not inform. Seek his notice, but do not demand his intentions.]
How do you notify someone without giving them information? Look, women should be able to communicate attraction to men directly instead of hanging around like a puppy waiting for some attention.
AntiPearl: Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can’t, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.
Mel is a science teacher who works with at-risk teens and lives on a dairy farm with her husband. She blogs at When Cows and Kids Collide