Preparing To Be A Help Meet: Part 5 – Grabbers, Hidden Flowers and Princesses

Preparing To Be A Help Meet: Part 5 – Grabbers, Hidden Flowers and Princesses December 8, 2014

shorthairedbrideby Mel cross posted from her blog When Cows and Kids Collide

Well, the rest of the chapter is incoherent, mean-spirited and generally rude. In other words, classic Pearl wisdom.

Generally, men like their girls to be informed and ready to give an opinion when asked.

I agree with the major exception that women don’t need to wait to be asked for an opinion. Don’t ever let anyone silence you.

Don’t be a dingbat spending all your time on clothes and hair. That is shallow and temporal. Some men like their ladies well dressed and sharp, but that wears old in a few years.

The mixed message on looks continues. So, look good, but don’t spend time on looking good. (How does that work?)

And if that is all there is to you, you might just end up being someone’s show doll: “Don’t say anything, Stupid, just look pretty.”

Allow me to be crass. I’d rather be a show doll than a sex toy/servant as Michael treats Debi. At least the show doll’s spouse appreciates her looks (while demeaning her intellegence, of course).

Listen to Bible teachers; ask significant questions. Keep up with current events. Learn about health issues, herbs, and natural healing. Be open to read and learn a wide variety of subjects.

[Kingly Man:For me, a girl who is a good conversationlist is way more attractive than a “knockout” who could star in a movie but who couldn’t keep an interesting tete-a-tete] *Note from Mel – tete-a-tete is spelled correctly in the book; I can’t get the symbols right on my blog*.

I’m never opposed to learning more. Being able to keep up a conversation is important in a relationship.

Sorry to mention this, but I have to tell it like it is. Most men want a girl who takes care of her body, keeping it toned, strong and healthy. It is a sign of what she will be in the future. After all, men are visual beings. They like to look and enjoy. Don’t let yourself become a fat lassie.

Wow. That’s freaking condescending to men and women. Plus, fat-shaming is not ok. As a side note as a heavy-set woman, loving your body and being self-confident is far more important in being attractive and sexy than body size.

Learn what men like.

Why do I suspect that wearing clothing that men like will leave you wide-open to being called a whore by Debi?

Ask your brothers how most young men like girls to wear their hair. You will hear, “Guys like girls with long hair.” If you are smart you will listen to what you are told. You will also be told that guys dn’t really like piles of make-up or strong perfume. Again, if you are wise and not stubborn, you will listen and comply.

Yup; that’s why “Short Hairstyle Bridal” came back empty on Google.

Oh, wait….no. Over a million images.

That’s why Debi had to resort to empty threats because she’s making this up as she goes.

[Priestly Man: Not super-long, though; keep it managable. Don’t try and set any world records! Remember to strike a balance; don’t go to any extremes. From time to time girls tend to want to cut their hair just a little bit shorter to see what it’s like. Once you marry, the guy will probably want you to keep it the same length. Girls like change but guys typically don’t. On a related note, “But if a woman have (sic) long hair, it is a glory to her: for [her] hair is given to her as a covering” (1 Cor. 11:15)]

One of the biggest problems I’ve had with the Three Stooges and their stupid comments is that the guys are allowed/edited into taking their personal opinion and preferences and turning them into universal truths.

By this logic, my husband should care about my hair length. And, yet, he doesn’t care as long as I like it.

Don’t be moody. Guys do not like complaining or touchy-feely, you-hurt-my-feelings type of girls.

Keep spewing the poison, Debi. See, Debi complained to Michael about how he treated her on their honeymoon. He’s never seen what was wrong about his abusive treatment of her. As such, sharing feelings or explaining when actions are hurtful MUST be the problem…not Michael’s cruelty.

Most young men know someone’s mother who makes the whole family miserable by her moodiness. All young men hope they escape that plague. Guys talk. They will alert other young men to any female they see sulking.

I don’t buy the “guys tell guys about sulkers” theory. I’ve heard plenty of girls discussing the emotional state of other girls and sometimes other guys. I doubt it’s a huge topic of conversation among groups of guys alone.

It’s like Debi took junior high girl behavior, assumed the behavior persisted into adulthood and reversed the genders.

[Visionary Man: Don’t complain. Ever. Try not complaining about anything for a week and you’ll realize what an ugly crutch it is. When evaluting a girls as a potential, I listen to her conversations and imagine the nature of them multiplied out 50 years. I shudder at the thought of enduring that much complaining, gossiping, whining or sheer shallowness. Or will I find her conversations stimulating, encouraging, uplifting and educational?]

I shudder at the idea of spending 50 years with such a shallow jerk. Does he have any idea how condescending he sounds?

Plus, no one can be stimulating, uplifting and educational 24/7, thankfully. Can you imagine someone who breaks into an educational conversation at every meal? Geez.

Antsy Leads to Grabbing
In the story, The Kid’s Love Story, you read how I had to wait seven years until Michael noticed me. Then in the story of the Italian Prince you saw Ellie had to wait a long time without a clue that before her Italian Prince let her know she was his chosen sweetie. Waiting, wondering, hoping and too much thinking can turn a girl Antsy. Antsy is not good. It can turn a good girl into a Grabber.

Nope. Chasing a guy is horrible! Better to sit at home and…oh, drat…you can’t win at this, can you?

The Antsy babe is not lustful; she just admires the guy and is thinking about marriage. She might be a little demanding…pushy…or, well, you decide. A King or a Prophet man will not tolerate a pushy female. You will clearly see this action in stories in the next chapters.

AntiPearl: I love you the more in that I believe you had liked me for my own sake and for nothing else.
John Keats

Read everything by Mel!

Mel is a science teacher who works with at-risk teens and lives on a dairy farm with her husband. She blogs at When Cows and Kids Collide

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  • Allison the Great

    So let’s see, the Three Stooges (very apt, Mel, I like that) are massive douche bags that will probably stay single. Methinks that all three of them are actually Michael.

    All of these chapters, better yet, this whole book sends out such horrible messages, and the message from the last few chapters is that you will never find a man if you are not a Stepford Wife. If you have any kind of personality, shit, if you’re human than you will be an old maid or you’ll marry a pervert. So don’t be human, be a robot. Be a robot that can have educational conversations with the guy while he eats hot wings, because guys like that, unless he’s watching the game. If he’s watching the game than shut up, but keep cleavage visible (only if you’re married)

  • lodrelhai

    All this back and forth of, “Keep yourself looking good. But don’t bother with your looks,” reminds me of that One Direction song:
    You don’t know you’re beautiful
    That’s what makes you beautiful

    My nephew and his friends thought that song was great. It spelled it out so clear, guys don’t want a girl who fusses over her looks all the time. Of course, if the song said, “It doesn’t bother you that you’re 5’2″, 480 lbs, with a birthmark covering half your face and a lazy eye. That’s what makes you beautiful” I doubt any of them would be quite so enthusiastic…

    The basic mindset we’re taught – both guys and girls – is that girls need to look good for the guys, but guys don’t want to know how much work the girls put into looking that way. Is it really any wonder why the girl in that song is insecure?

  • Nea

    It’s like Debi took junior high girl behavior, assumed the behavior persisted into adulthood and reversed the genders

    Well, yeah, Michael pretty much thinks he’s the Queen Bee – and I note that idolatry of one’s husband isn’t enough in Pearlworld; we must all idolize and behave as *Michael* wants to see in a woman. Because there is no man but Michael in the whole of the world and written history. (And when the hell has he ever asked anyone else’s opinion?)

    Don’t spend all your time on clothes and hair… but DO grow that hair long and never cut it too much or the baby Jesus will cry.

    After all, men are visual beings… who think it will “wear old” that their wives dress nicely.

    So let us sum up: don’t spend too much time on your appearance, but don’t get fat. Don’t cut your hair or grow it too long. Do read a lot, but uncritically so you don’t realize that natural healing is bullshit. Be very very patient but do not have emotions. Have opinions, but STFU until asked by a penis-bearer.

    And, as always, Debi’s hatred spills out like toxic waste, with such encouraging words of support as:

    – dingbat
    – shallow (twice)

    – doll
    – stupid
    – “if you are open” (implication: you are close-minded)
    – fat lassie
    – “if you are wise” (implication: repeat of stupid)
    – stubborn
    – moody/moodiness
    – complaining/complaints
    – touchy-feely
    – sulking
    – gossipy
    – whining
    – antsy
    – grabber
    – “not good”

    Counting the repeats, that’s 20 insulting words/phrases out of what my word processer tells me is 597. Basically, 3% of the writing is gratuitous nasty. Yes, gratuitous. Debi could just as easily make her point if most of those words were erased and the rest left intact. The fact that she Just. Can’t. Resist. throwing in the schoolyard insults right and left is why I keep saying that she is boiling over with anger, hatred, and resentment.

  • Trollface McGee

    Oh the irony of her saying “don’t just be a show doll” and then going on about how to be the right kind of show doll – not a “fat lassie”(which makes me think of the dog), not with hair that’s too short, or too long and dressed the right way and of course without opinions of her own or any sort of disagreement.
    I do find the idea of Michael being able to carry on any sort of intellectual discussion to be very amusing.

  • Independent Thinker

    Oh, the irony. I had almost exactly the same hairstyle as the model in the picture when I met my husband. Only my bangs were a bit longer. He has told me more than once he has always been attracted to women with short hair. According to him it’s a big sign of self confidence. Few insecure women are willing to rock a pixie cut. He also thinks showing the back of your neck is very attractive. FYI my husband is way hotter than Michael Pearl.

  • Independent Thinker

    My husband is a pretty blunt guy from time to time. He asked me at one point how women with hair down to their rear end keep from getting it in the toilet. I responded with a good old “I don’t know”. Some men see long hair as a hygiene issue and find it gross that your hair lines up with your bum.

  • I know! I could probably make his eyes cross in confusion without even TRYING hard. *giggle* And I’m not even particularly intellectual most days.

  • KarenH

    My grampa is way hotter than Michael Pearl. And he’s dead.

  • Astrin Ymris

    To sum up– You need to be Michael Pearl’s ideal of a perfect woman. Able to be a fascinating conversationalist on demand but refrain from speech when he isn’t interested in talking to you. Be well-informed but uncritically accept every bit of malarky the CPM teaches.

    Always be perfectly groomed and attractive without taking the time to work out, maintain a skin care routine, do your hair, or apply make-up. Oh, and you need to do this on a poverty-level budget while cranking out a kid every year and eating animal feed. There’s no money for abdominoplasties in Quiverfull!

    If you find it impossible to do this under the constraints a Quiverfull wife lives under, it’s proof that you’re a bad, sinful woman, and your husband’s going to leave you in disgust, which will be all your fault for not doing the impossible.

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    Here’s Molly the reindeer, as you can see she’s not terribly happy with the Pearl-pod-people or the nonsense that they keep writing in their book(s). Ok so really she’s not terribly happy with the fact that I dressed her up as a reindeer. If you’ve ever put booties on a dog’s feet, then you’ll know what Molly did with the ‘hooves’ before chewing at them until they slid off.

    …and I couldn’t even get near her with the reindeer costume to put it on her until I had taken the bells off of it.

  • Nea

    I had long hair once. You flip it to the front over your shoulder when you sit down – or keep it pinned up in the first place.

  • Nea

    He’s on record about how an unaccredited college asked too much intellectual rigor out of him and that thinking critically about biblical context gave him a crisis of conscience. There’s a reason he picked a career that lets you put yourself at the top with no qualifications or climbing the ladder and bangs on constantly about how respect doesn’t have to be earned.

  • *snirk* His faith is too weak. Hell, MY faith is so far stronger than his that there’s really no comparison. *I* am more of an expert in Christianity than he will EVER be.

    Which I find rather funny.

  • gimpi1

    In my case, I braided it most of the time, and if I was wearing it loose, I flipped it over my shoulder. When you have very long hair, it gets to be second nature to manage it. I still remember trying to flip it or pull it out of the way after I cut it.

  • Gypsy Rose B

    I hate that song so much because not only is it a toxic message but it’s also a logical fallacy.

    By alerting the girl to the fact that she is beautiful, doesn’t that make her know she’s beautiful and therefore make her not beautiful anymore?

  • lodrelhai

    Yep. And the description of her behavior isn’t just “you don’t take hours fussing about your hair,” but “you are socially insecure and awkward, and that’s why I like you.” She’s always looking at the ground! The beauty is a minimum requirement, it’s the inability to assert herself that puts her over the top.

    Now I wonder if One Direction are Pearl fans…