Preparing To Be A Help Meet – Part Two: Cinderella

Preparing To Be A Help Meet – Part Two: Cinderella December 31, 2014
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by Mel cross posted from her blog When Cows and Kids Collide

We get to meet “Cinderella” whose name is actually Leah.

Cinderella: story five by David and Leah Spina

  • Who should I date and marry?
  • Are my standards too high?
  • Is God really in control?
  • Will I ever get married?

My husband and I wish we could sit down with each of you over a cup of coffee, look you straight in the eye and answer those questions with zeal!

*Raises an eyebrow*

Leah can zealously tell me who I should date and marry. Oh, and she can tell me if my standards are too high.

Of course, she doesn’t know that I hate coffee, so I’m not sure how accurate her other observations are.

Being the Right One
Growing up, I had a beautiful blonde friend that had a new guy every time I saw her. On one hand, I wished I had a guy by my side. On the other, I wondered what the single guys thought when they saw her with so many guys.

I think it’s pretty normal to wish for a boyfriend. I’ve NEVER wondered what single guys thought about a girl who had multiple boyfriends, though. That feels spiteful or envious to me.

My mother had me read a book called Beautiful Girlhood when I was a girl, and I always remembered one sentence about boyfriends: “Be reserved and careful, and though you do not seem to be so popular as the forward, giddy girl who is always “cutting up” with the boys, you will have the respect of the best boys and young men, and she will not.”

I’ve never read “Beautiful Girlhood”. Based on the “cutting up” verbiage, I assumed it was written in the 1950’s.

According to the internet, I found two things. First, the book doesn’t have a Wikipedia page which shocked me. Second, the publishing date was 1922.

Who makes their kid read a morality book written BEFORE the Great Depression?

Now that I think about it, my mom never made me read a book on dating. Thank you, Mom!

From that moment on, I started to realize that I was building my reputation as someone’s future wife. Someday my husband would either be honored or dishonored by my conduct as a single woman. “She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:12). Did you realize that during your single years you are building your reputation as a wife?

At some point, I realized that my actions build my reputation. MY reputation – as a student, as a worker and as a person.

I never thought about building my reputation as someone’s future wife per se.

In so far as I thought about my future marriage, I figured building a strong personality, good education and solid career would make me a better marriage prospect.

It was always hard for me to picture a flirty guy as a faithful husband.

Leah’s imagination is not her strongest point.

Remember that “dating around” for fun affects the way people view you – they will associate you with those you date. Even if you have no serious intentions, you are giving signals about who you are.

Note: Do not take dating advice from someone who CLEARLY doesn’t date and has had her views on dating formed by a book written in 1922.

When I was single, I heard a teaching by Tommy Nelson on how to find a godly spouse. He asked how we expect of find a wonderful Christian spouse when all we do is go to church, go to work, and go to an occasional happy hour. He said run fast and hard after Jesus and look to the left and the right and marry the person who is at your side. That made sense to me. “In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths” (Proverbs 3:6).

I missed something, I think. How is “going to church, going to work, and going to an occasional happy hour” NOT “running fast and hard after Jesus?” Many jobs are much closer to following Jesus’ ministry than writing books on how not to date.

Just because someone is running “fast and hard after Jesus” doesn’t mean that they are the best spouse for you, either.

Most girls tote a fat list of credentials and want to marry a sold-out godly man, but few of us have taken the logs out of our own eyes.

I hope “sold-out” means something very, very different where Leah lives.

What kind of girl would he marry?

Hell. Just be your freaking self. STOP LIVING YOUR LIFE FOR A FUTURE MAN.

I spent my time before meeting David finishing my degree, going on mission trips, Bible studies, and working with pregnant teenage girls.


Remember, you will never regret any time you spent on your relationship with the Lord and ministry for the Lord. You are building faith and character to take into your marriage to bless your husband and future children. And you husband will be thankful if you don’t bring debt into your marriage, so work as unto the Lord!

Yuck. Yuck.

AntiPearl: Love yourself. Love others. Leave the world a better place. Run away from any ideas that sound like they fit in this book. -Mel


Introduction | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 |Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | 

Read everything by Mel!

Mel is a science teacher who works with at-risk teens and lives on a dairy farm with her husband. She blogs at When Cows and Kids Collide


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