Quoting Quiverfull: Is Porn a Marriage Deal-Breaker?

Quoting Quiverfull: Is Porn a Marriage Deal-Breaker? December 6, 2014
porn-2
Mildest man using porn image I could find! Is he reading it for the articles?

by John Piper from Scott Brown Online – Is My Boyfriend’s Porn a Marriage Deal-Breaker?

Does Piper have a point or is he totally out there making wrong assumptions?

Is My Boyfriend’s Porn a Marriage Deal-Breaker? 

Porn is destructive to a man’s capacities to love a woman purely for herself. He is training his body to need increasingly different, strange, erotic situations and bodies, and he is making it harder to be content with the real body of the woman that is going to be offered to him as his wife. And her body, as it is, at its best, is not going to be the airbrushed body of pornographic sites. And when she is 50 it isn’t going to be that either. And if he hasn’t cultivated a kind of pure love for his wife, for herself, as she is, then his eyes are going to be cruising continually beyond what she has to offer him at age 40 and 50 and 60. A woman needs to be able to trust a man. A woman feels profoundly compromised when a man says to her, “No, I really need more than you can offer me.” That is tragic for a man to say that to a woman. So porn is destructive to his capacity to love her for who she is.

And here is the fourth and the last thing I will say about why it is so wrong for a man to do this. Porn is destructive to a man’s soul. His capacity to see God in the purity and the greatness of his glory is shriveled. It is compromised. The soul shrinks to the size and the quality of its pleasures.

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, influential bloggers and cultural enforcers and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.

Daisypath - Personal pictureDaisypath Vacation tickers

 

 

If this is your first time visiting NLQ please read our Welcome page and our Comment Policy!

Comments open below

NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

13:24 – A Story of Faith and Obsession by M Dolon Hickmon


Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!


TRENDING AT PATHEOS Nonreligious
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Nea

    And her body, as it is, at its best, is not going to be the airbrushed body of pornographic sites. And when she is 50 it isn’t going to be that either.

    True. What is being left out is that if the guy strays anyway – say, rapes the maid or is caught with a rent boy – then the very people who said this about women and porn are going to be the very people blaming the woman for not being airbrushed or having turned 50. I notice that there a hell of a drive among fundamental women to ignore or hold back age: “trim healthy mama” websites because being Teh Hawt with kids matters most, or the sudden “God wants you to gilt the lily with makeup for Teh Menz” when it used to be (in my lifetime!) jezebel paint God loathed. The Botkin girls pretty much exist to pretend that they’re not mutton dressed as lambs of god.

  • tulips

    Oh look, it’s some more false promises! The reality of novelty on neurological stimulation isn’t limited to porn use nor is it resolved by its absence. No matter what a woman (or man, I really must add) does to remain as attractive as possible for as long as possible (in which “attractive” is implied to mean unchanged in appearance) …that stimulation response is going to diminish. Sorry kids. They will find other people more stimulating than you eventually even if those other people are fully clothed. In the sex obsessed world of fundy purity culture this biological reality means they don’t love you anymore. Very sad.

  • persephone

    Watching porn and playing video games are similar in that they cause emotional and physical responses that are heightened and intense. And for some people who engage in them trouble ensues. But it’s just like anything else: Most people can indulge without problems, while a minority can become addicted and/or engage in anti-social behavior.

    The problem gets worse, of course, in the fundagelical world, because of the strictures on gender and sexual behaviors.

  • SAO

    I think porn is a symptom, not a cause. A man who finds porn more appealing than real life, is someone who would rather wank off in private to a picture or a video than deal with a real person. This tends to be someone who wants hot meals served regularly, his dirty laundry picked up from the floor, washed and folded and put in his drawer, and a hot body to have sex with — rather than a wife.

    That attitude is going to cause problems in the marriage whether or not the man uses porn or not.

  • brbr2424

    If it is gay porn, then yes, that should be a deal breaker. So many Mormon and Christian women discover after a lifetime together that their husband was just not that in to them.

  • Astrin Ymris

    Speaking of, is it just me, or is this Mormon Church’s anti-porn PSA extremely homoerotic?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ueuz0-Rnd5c

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    I’m not entirely certain. But it kinda weirds me out that the guy friend of the porn-addicted dude brings him to the office of some very official looking older dude who then brings mr porn-perv into the office and *closes the door*…bad things happen in offices with the door closed when two dudes supposedly are “working through” the porn habit issue of one of them. Not quite as bad as what goes on in the mens sauna and roman bath over at Scientology’s Gold Base/Camp…but it could be, and the office dudes won’t get sent to serve a billion year contract on some boat either.

  • Rebecca Horne

    I’m always intrigued by the people who claim, “once you experience X, you’ll never be satisfied by less than X again.”

    I mean, there are situations where it CAN happen–drug addictions, for example– but they act like the “Escalator Model” is just the default way that human experience works. That once you experience something exciting, you can’t be satisfied by less, and so you keep progressing unidirectionaly. Anybody who sees “the weird stuff” will just keep looking for weirder stuff. Once you experience weird stuff, you’ll never be satisfied by regular sex or cuddling again!

    But…if that was how people worked, our lives would be SO DIFFERENT! There would be no such thing as comfort food, because familiarity would only be boring, not comforting. People wouldn’t have movies that they’ve watched 30 times and re-watch when they need to just immerse themself in something they know they love.

    People would NEVER cuddle. Not after toddlerhood, anyway.

    We would avoid having routine ways to get to places or prepare for our days, because, instead of feeling comfortable in knowing that a routine works and is efficient, we’d just be bored that it’s the same thing we did yesterday and the day before.

    And we’d be VERY wary about trying expensive or unsustainable new things. If trying a fancy new restaurant meant you could never enjoy any food you regularly have access to, would you do it?

    People aren’t just excitement-seeking machines, and that goes for sex along with everything else. People find a balance between shiny new excitement, routine enjoyment, and comforting familiarity.

    Somebody can try The Weird Stuff (in real life or porn) and go right back to their regular sex routine for the same reason that you can have a fancy Christmas dinner, and then be content with leftovers for a few days.

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    “Meh….I flayed the flesh off of someones body last week and the week before. It was interesting, but *now* I’m over it…..but I’ve always wanted to carve someone up like a Sunday beef roast while they’re only under local anesthesia and then feed them to themselves! And locking someone in a confined space with a bear and watching them get mauled to death sounds like it’d be fun!”

    ….I personally like to find the most expeditious route to wherever I’m going, and while there will likely be a couple different options that I can pick from based on variables such as time of day and road work blocks/detours, there’s no point to trying to find an endless series of different ways unlike the ones I’ve traveled before to get to the same damn places. It’s not cost effective with the price of fuel either. Chances are I’m going to have to go many places that I’ve been to frequently in the past on a regular basis in the future. Stable employment is something that one wants to have, or we’d all be trying to get ourselves hired on for a few weeks doing some sort of job with the plentiful traveling carnivals and side show performing groups that we’d still have around because the variety and constant moving around would have kept them in business and created so many more to fulfill our endless desire for new shiny and different. I’ve tried a number of things in my life in various aspects and settings that if the opportunity came around again I’d say “No thank you, I feel that I’ve had all that I need of that experience to know I don’t want to do that again.”

    But…I’m getting a little tired of the same episodes of Law and Order getting aired again and again on certain channels…when they have the exact same episodes for 3+ days in a row one week and then do it again the next…they need to put someone else in charge of putting together the programming schedule who will actually notice “Hey, we’ve been playing the same 8 episodes of the same season every day for the last 6 weeks, we should change things up because lord knows there’s a veritable “warehouse 13″ of programming that we signed up for syndication of…”

  • I find myself VERY torn between wanting to see that video… and really not wanting to go there AT ALL. I blame the Mormon Church *specifically* for at LEAST 60% of my problems. The injunction against masturbation, in particular, has contributed to the fact that I *still* cannot experience any pleasure worth “writing home about” in sexual relations.

    *growl* It is VERY irresponsible to be contributing to a lifetime of sexual dysfunction in their adherents like this.

  • Rebecca Horne

    …The humor of the first paragraph was only enhanced by the fact that I’m eating steak tartare right now…

  • Baby_Raptor

    A woman feels profoundly compromised when a man says to her, “No, I really need more than you can offer me.” That is tragic for a man to say that to a woman.

    So he’s supposed to lie to her, lead her on and set her up with a false sense of security? Seems to me that would be infinitely more tragic than being honest and admitting that she doesn’t meet his needs.

  • ShinyZubat

    I just… I just… I can’t take this seriously at all. I was snickering through the whole thing. How anyone can care so much about masturbation is beyond me.

  • Allison the Great

    It’s a pity that religions teach that masturbation is bad. Ruins a lot of lives and there’s a shit load of hypocrisy that’s born from it.

  • Astrin Ymris

    Me too! The only thing I can think of is that banning masturbation makes the flock too full of shame and guilt about their sexuality to notice the hypocrisy of the leaders. Plus, it tends to lead to early marriages and lots of future tithes-payers.

    That, and it supports Rape Culture. If it’s EEEEEVIL to masturbate, that gives guys a good rationalization for pressuring women to have sex with them when they’d really rather not.

    Or even a justification for rape… 🙁

  • Astrin Ymris

    Based on what some female Mormons have reported, having a bishop interviewing you about your sex life is a humiliating, emotionally abusive experience even WITHOUT physical sexual solicitation. The PSA is intended to convince BYU students to serve their friends and roommates up to this kind of emotional rape in the name of “helping” them. It’s pretty heinous.

    I wish I could think that all LDS college students would laugh off this transparent attempt to get them to assist the administration with their witch hunt, but Mormon childhood brainwashing is very thorough. 🙁

  • I really wish they’d gotten their heads out of their collective asses and just told us that it was a healthy way to explore ourselves and would help shield us from manipulation by others. THAT might have done a lot of good for me growing up.

    I *still* have issues with the very concept and quite simply *can’t*. And that pisses me the hell off because I deserve better than that.

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    Oh for dog’s sake – now that I know that, I’m even more weirded out. Who in the sensible, reasonable, practical, and rational world thinks that 1.) Adding even more pressure by declaring “war” on masturbation and/or sex is appropriate for a CHURCH (or anyone/organization) to do and 2.) That trying to get friends/family to hand someone that could be/is doing things that the “war” effort is trying to stop over for “reeducation” and/or punishment!?

    We have several LDS churches in the area, and I had several friends I went to HS with who were Mormon but didn’t feel the need to take it upon themselves to do any witnessing with me – might have been due to knowing that I was already a member of a mainline Christian Baptist/Evangelical church. My dad refused permission for me to go to one of their ‘dances’ and the time I ordered a book of Mormon because I wanted to see what was in it was the only time that he was upset with me for anything religious in nature – I think that was mostly because he doesn’t enjoy dealing with the ‘kids’ that are on their missions for the LDS church coming to the door…he’s not fond of Jehovah’s Witnesses either.

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    Who said I was trying to be funny? 😉

    Hopefully it didn’t negatively impact your dinner experience. 😛

  • Allison the Great

    It took me a while to not feel guilty about it. I don’t anymore. the benefits far outweigh the guilt now and frankly, it’s nobody’s business but mine. It takes a bit to get used to this idea, that you have every right to do things to your body that please you, but once you do, you’ll be very happy that you started doing it.

  • Astrin Ymris

    To be fair, the LDS sent a correction to HuffPost to say that the PSA wasn’t about masturbation per se, but porn. Or more precisely, the fictitious ailment of “porn addiction.”

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/02/03/byu-idaho-anti-masturbation-video-war_n_4719599.html

    http://www.idahostatesman.com/2014/02/05/3010396_byu-idaho-video-tells-students.html?rh=1

    Though when pressed, they have to admit that they’re not in favor of masturbation, either…

    https://www.lds.org/manual/a-parents-guide/chapter-5-teaching-adolescents-from-twelve-to-eighteen-years?lang=eng&query=masturbation

  • Saraquill

    These people think about porn more than I do.