Day 19 of 21 Days of Healing: Self-Care

Day 19 of 21 Days of Healing: Self-Care January 4, 2015
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by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church Hurts

“His love endures forever.” (Thought suggestion for today.)

As I am writing this, it is the day after Thanksgiving, 2014. Black Friday. My husband left shortly after 4 AM to pick up my son and go shopping. (For shop vacs, ladders, scaffolding, and an iPhone.) Me? I stayed home.

And I have to tell you I feel good! Physically good! We spent Thanksgiving with family and food was over abundant – as it probably was for most of you. But today, I don’t have the food hangover. I am up after only six hours of sleep and I feel energetic – even envigorated! I’ve been feeling this way for a while now. Because part of my journey toward healing from spiritual abuse has been to realize the value of self-care.

Self-care might mean different things to you than it does to me, but I want to encourage you today to think about what self-care looks like for you.

Self-care for me means several things. Things like:

Going to the hair dresser regularly for a really great color and cut.
Taking that daily walk that’s on my perfect ordinary day list (see Day 14).
Having a little “down-time” every day.

And here’s probably the biggest for me and what made yesterday and today fantastic:

“Eating Light.”

That doesn’t mean ‘dieting.’ It really means not overeating. And at least not as much on big days like Thanksgiving.

“Eating light” has become my mantra. I live with a husband who has always thought that if I don’t want to eat something, he won’t either. If he wants a bowl of ice cream but I don’t, he will say something like, “Well, I won’t have any either, then.” And I would get the guilts feeling like he was being deprived. Several years ago, I finally put my foot down and told him I was going on a diet and if he didn’t eat something because I wasn’t eating it, that was his choice. And I lost 65 pounds and he was fine. Probably because our boys were still at home and they would all eat treats and bigger servings together.

But the past few years since the boys grew up and moved on to their own homes, my husband and I fell into the same old pattern. And it was difficult not to because so many times we were so busy running to church and spending long hours at church that we were eating on the run – grabbing fast food, eating out, or just grabbing whatever was available when we got home because we were hungry and didn’t want to take the time to fix a healthy meal.

After we got out of that environment, and I started to work on putting my life back together, I realized that I was an emotional eater, as well. The stress of the situation packed ten more pounds to the 20 I had gained back over the previous 4-5 years. And I realized that if I was going to heal and be emotionally and spiritually strong, I also needed to by physically the best that I could be. For me, that doesn’t mean running marathons or even doing burpees. I suffer from arthritis and battle bursitis so I’m never going to be an olympic athlete.

But it does mean taking care of myself the best that I can physically – and that, for me, means “eating light.” I say it a lot. I tell my husband, “I’m eating light.” And most of the time, he says, “Yeah, me too.” Isn’t that great?

I think that because I’m not saying, “I’m not going to eat that, but if you want it, go ahead,” he isn’t sending those subliminal guilt messages. Instead, “eating light” means “I’m eating – just not big (man-sized) portions,” so he takes that as a “Yes! I can eat, too!”

The result has been that I eat whatever I want – I just eat “light.” And I feel great.

For you, self-care might mean something completely different. Maybe it means getting a good pair of shoes that support your arches or writing in a daily journal or using sunscreen or making that doctor’s appointment you’ve been putting off.

It’s okay to take care of yourself. In fact, when you take care of yourself, you are better able to enjoy those bucket list items – both large and small. And when you care for yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually, you will take a big step toward healing.

I know I did.

If you have some self-care ideas to share, please help the rest of us by putting them in the comments. I would love to have some new strategies.


Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9

Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17

Part 18 | Part 19

Ellen is a member of the SASBN and she blogs at When Church Hurts

More about Ellen:

Several years ago I was the victim of a most heinous form of abuse unlike anything I had ever thought possible. Not having been raised in a Christian home, my first experience with Christians and pastors had been one of joy, grace, fellowship, love, and delight. When faced with the horrors of having the very essence of who I was as a woman of faith stripped from me in what I can only describe as spiritual rape, I couldn’t comprehend what was happening. This was church, after all, and I believed that everything works together for good for those who love God. Somehow, it didn’t make sense that everything was not working together for good. When I was finally able to resign myself to the fact that God was not going to “work this out,” I made my escape and sought a safe haven. 
Little did I realize that I was going from the proverbial frying pan into the fire. Oh, how I tried to beat back the flames! Oh, how I prayed and pleaded for mercy, for grace, for a chance. “But hate is strong and mocks the song of peace on earth, good will toward” Ellen. 
He who began a good work . . . had forsaken me . . . and the silence was more than deafening . . . it was defeating. So intertwined were we, that as God went missing, so did Ellen. But I am nothing, if not tenacious.

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