Quoting Quiverfull: Part 2 – Don’t Leave Abusive Husband Ever?

Quoting Quiverfull: Part 2 – Don’t Leave Abusive Husband Ever? January 21, 2015

quotingquiverfullby Michael Pearl from No Greater Joy – Abusive Husband

Editor’s note: Today Michael adds his thoughts on abuse and leaving. Not any better than his wife’s unfortunately. Trigger warning: This might make you sick to your stomach. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.  This type of advice is harmful to implement in an abusive marriage and is likely to encourage additional abuse.

If you or your children have been hit (other than the child being spanked) so as to leave discernible marks two hours later,  and you genuinely fear he will repeat his battering, you can take legal steps without divorcing your husband. In a moment when he is not angry, calmly inform him that the next time he physically assaults you or the kids, you are going to call the law and have him arrested. You must first resolve in your heart that you are willing to prosecute him and see him go to jail. I visit prisons every week. It is a great place to mull over consequences of one’s deeds. And I have never met a prisoner that turned down a visit from anyone. Think about it, lady; it is a great time for writing love letters and sharing a three minute romantic phone call once a week. Guys who get out of prison run straight home to their ladies and treat them wonderfully – for awhile anyway.

If your abusing husband fully understands that you have the power of the law behind you, he will learn to keep his hands in his pockets. I am not suggesting you do this to be vindictive, or to get even with him. It must be done in humility and love. If your husband knows that you are the weaker vessel, desperately seeking your survival and that of the kids, and that you are not trying to punish him, but that you are going to stand by him and continue to love him, that you are going to wait for him to get out of prison, and then try to start over again, it may move his heart to fear, if not to repentance. You say, he cannot help himself. Does he help himself when his peers – men of his own size – make him angry? Does he fly out of control and start hitting his boss or his employees? No? Then he has self control when he must. The law can make it a must, which will allow you to continue with him and demonstrate your womanhood and win him to yourself and then to your God.

But if your husband has sexually molested the children, you should approach him with it. If he is truly repentant (not just exposed)  and willing to seek counselling, you may feel comfortable giving him an opportunity to prove himself, as long as you know that the children are safe. If there is any thought that they aren’t safe, or if he is not repentant and willing to seek help, then go to the law and have him arrested. Stick by him but testify against him in court. Have him do about 10 to 20 years, and by the time he gets out, you will have raised the kids, and you can be waiting for him with open arms of forgiveness and restitution. Will this glorify God? Forever. You ask, “What if he doesn’t repent even then?” Then you will be rewarded in heaven equal to the martyrs, and God will have something to rub in the Devil’s face. God hates divorce – always, forever, regardless, without exception.

If you or your children are being abused please seek help! Call your local law enforcement or the National Domestic Violence Hotline for help – 1.800.799.7233 Remaining in a pressure cooker type situation with an abuser could take your life, or the life of your precious children. Please ignore people like the Pearls and get real help!

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, influential bloggers and cultural enforcers and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.

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  • BlueVibe

    Do not tell him. Get out and call later when you’re out of arm’s reach. This is totally “fair”–he should know better than to wale on his wife and kids, he doesn’t deserve a head start on beating you to the point that you can’t leave the next time he gets mad.

  • JeanPing

    “…he cannot help himself. Does he help himself when his peers – men of his
    own size – make him angry? Does he fly out of control and start hitting
    his boss or his employees? No? Then he has self control when he must.”

    That’s actually a sensible sentence. It doesn’t mean his wife should warn him and give him plenty of opportunity to plan and isolate and gaslight (BAD PLAN), but this is actually something that is good to point out.

  • Nightshade

    So much disturbing crap, so little time to comment, but I have to at least touch on this one: ‘But if your husband has sexually molested the children, you should
    approach him with it. If he is truly repentant (not just exposed) and
    willing to seek counselling, you may feel comfortable giving him an
    opportunity to prove himself, as long as you know that the children are
    safe.’ What if you’re wrong in thinking they’re safe? You probably thought they were safe before…should a mother really be willing to bet her children’s safety on her estimate of his repentance?

  • persephone

    Don’t call later. Call the police. Never engage with your abuser.

  • persephone

    FFS , Debi, Jesus gave grounds for divorce. FYI, if you’re worried Michael is going to dump you for some young hottie, I’m going to say the odds of that happening are microscopic.

  • Nea

    God hates divorce. Until Rusty Yeats can’t get his pecker wet, then God suddenly totes was understanding.

    If your abusing husband fully understands that you have the power of the
    law behind you, he will learn to keep his hands in his pockets

    Or he’ll kill you, but what’s another dead person, Mikey? As long as you’re not the one battering the wife or beating the kid to death, you think your hands are clean.

  • Nea

    Michael wants the abuser to be able to charm his way out of consequences. Which makes sense – he’s the guy who “charmed” his new wife into sex she didn’t want when she was on the verge of collapse on their honeymoon, and “triumphed” after CPS came after him 3 times.

    Michael wants women to stay with abusers, and so does Debi. Him because he thinks abuse is just peachy – after all, it’s all he dishes out – and her because if she can’t be happy, no woman can.

  • Nea

    Jesus gave grounds for divorce

    Pfft, typical rebellious kid, not going along with what The Father ordered. Probably needed to be spanked more.

  • ForPhyllis

    Please, never confront or try to reason with an abuser. My cousin did so and her abuser killed her. I will always grieve for my beautiful cousin, who was also a dear friend. If you are a believer, God does NOT want you to be a martyr, no matter what the Pearls (or anyone else) tells you. It’s simply not true. I beg you to get away from your abuser immediately.

    As far as a spouse who molests a child goes, he/she has already proven his/her unworthiness to be around your child by the initial act itself, repentance or not. You never need place your child in such danger again for any reason! And if you’re a believer, know that God WANTS you to protect kids, not to endanger them as Pearl suggests.

    Side note: I’m a longtime reader, but first time commenter.
    :::shyly waves to others and retreats to the back corner:::

  • He gives a whole new meaning to “Till death do us part.”

    Hitting a child – and leaving marks that don’t clear up after two hours? I’m sorry, this man is a monster who deserves to be in prison.

  • KarenH

    I’m so sorry about your cousin.

  • Nea

    I’ve had deep tissue damage that left no bruises. I’ve had a broken bone and no bruise on the skin!

  • Saraquill

    As long as it’s called “spanking,” one can beat a child to death an it’s all right by him. Grr.

  • Nightshade

    What happened to your cousin is truly awful ((hugs)) but you’re absolutely right, following the ‘advice’ given by the Pearls is dangerous to wives and children.

  • Astrin Ymris

    Word magic– literalists of all stripes live by it.

  • Astrin Ymris

    Re: “…and God will have something to rub in the Devil’s face…”

    Once again, Michael projects his own pathological need for retribution against those who challenge him onto God.

    Though he does show a little insight when he points out that batterers manage to control their impulses when dealing with people with the physical and/or social power to exact consequences on them. Sorta like how rapists never attack women wearing spaghetti straps with yoga pants in public, but only women who are isolated from any possible rescuers.

    I wonder if he’s cribbed this from one of his critics?

    BTW, Jesus doesn’t forbid divorce– he just says that if you divorce, you can’t remarry as long as your erstwhile spouse lives without committing adultery.

  • Suzy’s Mamma

    And there should be no exception for spanking. Leaving a mark on a child is not suddenly acceptable because it happened during a spanking.

  • It is also not effective parenting. My mother believed in mental torture and psychological warfare. She’d go for the jugular. With me, it was hitting me right where it hurt – taking the kitchen sink sprayer and hosing down my hair. My sister would be deprived of visiting friends and sent to her room. When my parents realized I enjoyed being sent to my room, so I could read, I was given extra chores. I also stopped smarting off to her after a few sessions with the kitchen sprayer.

    There are some kids who just dare their parents. My oldest niece would look at her mother, “Spank me” and go do what she wanted to do. Forget spanking her. She preferred it. I had an aunt who would toss a pitcher of water on my cousin.

    The other day, my sister had to threaten to spank her 26-month-old granddaughter. I agree, there are spanking offenses. Catie ran away from her, down the sidewalk, heading into the street. That’s where a smack on the bottom is needed. How much can it hurt when the bottom is padded by pull-up training pants?

    I can only remember either my sister or I ever being really spanked – one time. My sister was about 2 at the time. She had a very bad habit of sitting in the car, and ‘driving’, playing with everything. This was before car-seats. My mother parked right beside the mail box, and was out of the car for less than a minute. Cathy slipped over, put the car in gear, and ‘drove’ it toward the canal. She drove into a stand of trees, thank heaven. I wasn’t in the car, but in the orange grove with my grandfather. My mother spanked her. I swear, she’s still upset about it.

  • Silver

    This is some of the worst advice for victims of domestic violence I have ever heard… Pretty much the exact opposite of what a person should actually do. I wish I could say I was surprised by this.

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    …Ok, but there’s nothing that says no sex after divorcing, right? So as long as they don’t remarry they can move in with someone and have sex or just skip the living with someone and have sex with whoever whenever.

    I think that there will be plenty of people who would be happy to hear of these new rules…The Pearls and friends not so much, but they’re an overly judgey bunch who is never going to be happy no matter what. Mikey an Debi aren’t going to live forever, I’m wondering if the kids will keep toeing the “Pearl party line” when their parents aren’t around forcing them to.

  • Astrin Ymris

    Or after they realize that Jim Bob is unlikely to EVER share the proceeds from commercializing their childhoods with them, and they have a better chance of getting discretionary income by filing a lawsuit against him or TLC for back pay. And that a tell-all book would also generate more money that Jim Bob ever intends to disburse.