by Living Liminal cross posted from her blog Living Liminal
As anyone who’s visited my Facebook Page could tell you, I read a lot of blogs. That’s who I am. I read, I ponder, I process. A lot. It’s how I’m made. (Apparently, some people believe “thinking too much” is a sin – but that’s another story…)
Anyway I recently came across a post by Andy Gill entitled Escaping Evangelicalism. But it was the subtitle that caught my eye, “The Process of Healing from Spiritual and Theological Abuse”.
In it, he talks about his struggle to fit in:
“I tried really hard to pretend and warp into who everyone wanted me to be. But it was a double-edged sword deciding between the choice of being accepted as someone I’m not or the choice of being rejected for who I actually am.”
“The church is where I heard about freedom and grace, but not where I experienced freedom and grace because I never felt safe enough to truly be myself.”
“In the last 5-years I’ve learned that there is no pastoral position, no Christian-career, no single person worth losing your autonomy over. It’s an amazing thing to learn that who you are is enough. It’s even more amazing to see how much you can accomplish by just being yourself.”
And it reminded me of my last encounter with “J” and his wife. Sure, it had shaken me up for a time, but the truth of Mr Gill’s conclusion is my truth too.
There’s nothing worth selling your soul for!
If the price of acceptance is living a lie, then I’ll take the rejection – I’ve seen what living a lie costs!
In October 2013, board member D wrote the following words to me:
“All of the leadership have left this difficult situation behind a year ago. We have moved on, we have and are walking in victory, we have forgiven you for your cruel words, accusations, and your gossiping to others.”
Living Liminal lives in Australia with her husband and three sons, and she is learning to thrive in the liminal space her life has become. She writes at Living Liminal.