by Kristen Clark from Girl Defined – How to be Intentionally Available Without Chasing Boys
Editor’s note: Remember all those screeds by the Botkin sisters, Von Ohlman and others in the Quiverfull Evangelical Christian movement about girls keeping their hearts pure waiting for courtship? This is a bit different. The author started out by pointing out that Ruth pursued Boaz in a serious way to indicate she wanted him for her husband and she goes on to explain how a ‘mature’ Christian girl is allowed to do the same. The problem being is that some of this advice comes across like something someone obsessed might do instead of a ‘mature’ person. Life is so much simpler outside the Evangelical Christian bubble. You don’t have to get daddy to pick your mate, or use any of these techniques to indicate you want a relationship, you can just simply talk to or befriend someone you’re interested in without it being all weird, stalkery and intense.
When I first met Zack, there was an obvious mutual attraction between us.
Instead of hiding myself away, I made myself intentionally available. This looked like me intentionally seeking out a conversation with him, purposely going to his choir performance, attending a specific Christian conference because he was going, and staying late at a mutual friend’s birthday party simply to chat with him in groups.
I never asked him out. I never verbally told him I was interested. I just made myself available to get to know him. He was a godly guy and I wanted it to be clear that I was open for something more when he was ready.
Now, there’s still a fine line even here.
If Zack had made it obvious to me that he wasn’t interested, I would have stopped making myself available. That’s where “chasing” boys comes into play. Once the guy is obviously disinterested, don’t push the relationship. Don’t lead. Don’t manipulate. Take a step back and give it the Lord.
If you’re a godly single girl of marrying age and don’t have a specific guy in mind, you can still make yourself available.
QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.