Quoting Quiverfull: When is it ‘Intentionally Available’ and When is it ‘Stalking’?

Quoting Quiverfull: When is it ‘Intentionally Available’ and When is it ‘Stalking’? February 26, 2015


by Kristen Clark from Girl Defined – How to be Intentionally Available Without Chasing Boys

Editor’s note: Remember all those screeds by the Botkin sisters, Von Ohlman and others in the Quiverfull Evangelical Christian movement about girls keeping their hearts pure waiting for courtship?  This is a bit different. The author started out by pointing out that Ruth pursued Boaz in a serious way to indicate she wanted him for her husband and she goes on to explain how a ‘mature’ Christian girl is allowed to do the same. The problem being is that some of this advice comes across like something someone obsessed might do instead of  a ‘mature’ person. Life is so much simpler outside the Evangelical Christian bubble. You don’t have to get daddy to pick your mate, or use any of these techniques to indicate you want a relationship, you can just simply talk to or befriend someone you’re interested in without it being all weird, stalkery and intense.


When I first met Zack, there was an obvious mutual attraction between us.

Instead of hiding myself away, I made myself intentionally available. This looked like me intentionally seeking out a conversation with him, purposely going to his choir performance, attending a specific Christian conference because he was going, and staying late at a mutual friend’s birthday party simply to chat with him in groups.

I never asked him out. I never verbally told him I was interested. I just made myself available to get to know him. He was a godly guy and I wanted it to be clear that I was open for something more when he was ready.

Now, there’s still a fine line even here.

If Zack had made it obvious to me that he wasn’t interested, I would have stopped making myself available. That’s where “chasing” boys comes into play. Once the guy is obviously disinterested, don’t push the relationship. Don’t lead. Don’t manipulate. Take a step back and give it the Lord.

If you’re a godly single girl of marrying age and don’t have a specific guy in mind, you can still make yourself available.

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.

If this is your first time visiting NLQ please read our Welcome page and our Comment Policy!

Comments open below

NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

13:24 – A Story of Faith and Obsession by M Dolon Hickmon

"Thank you for your commitment to truth and love, Suzanne. Best wishes to you and ..."

Not a Goodbye, More of a ..."
"For your sake, I am so glad you will no longer be editing and managing ..."

Not a Goodbye, More of a ..."
"For what it's worth, I've learned a lot from you about a Very Creepy movement ..."

Not a Goodbye, More of a ..."
"Unfortunately, this kind of satire (if it even is satire) is what gives Christianity the ..."

Is Biblical Gender Roles a Big ..."

Browse Our Archives