Another installment of giving better answers to the questions asked at Debi Pearl’s site message board for the book ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’. Many young ladies ask questions on all sorts of different subjects brought up by the book. There was just one big problem, many of the answers stray into either the outright bad and emotionally unhealthy to dangerous. Yes, typical Debi Pearl borderline abusive. Here’s what we’re going to be doing here at NLQ. Every week, once or twice a week, I’ll be posting up one of the questions from the message board and ask you, our readers, to answer that poor soul’s question in a way that is logical, rational and the best possible solution, in other words 180 degree turn from Nancy and friends always all spelling and grammar in the posting is unchanged from the original author.
Okay, on to today’s question:
Topic: How important is physical/emotional attraction?
So, this young man recently approached my dad and expressed his interest in marrying me. I barely know this guy (we have been at the same group church events and such maybe three times a year for the past several years), but the little I and my parents have observed has all been good. My idealistic and realistic mom (whom my brother says half-jokingly doesn’t like anyone) really likes him and thinks we’d be a great match. I have to admit that he has every trait I have admired and wished for in a husband. The weird thing is that I’m not emotionally or physically attracted to him. My mom says that that’s a good thing that my emotions aren’t involved at this point, which will help me to see this situation more clearly (I tend to be quite a romantic dreamer). The disturbing thing is that I would probably be very attracted to him if he was tall dark and handsome in addition to his other good qualities. Am I just being very shallow and unspiritual? I don’t want to marry someone I’m not attracted to, I don’t want to lead this fellow on and then back out, and I don’t want to choose a spouse largely based on physical attractiveness. (On a side note, I have always dreamed of marrying someone with dark hair and eyes, but several years ago I surrendered that to God and told Him I wanted His choice of a man, even if that means a short red-headed green-eyed man – and that happens to describe this man exactly!)
Married ladies: were you attracted to your husband when you first knew him, or did some of you have to learn to love him? As you got to know him better and see his heart for the Lord, did his unappealing physical charicteristics fade and become beautiful in your eyes? I’ve not yet seen this man since he expressed interest, so maybe my heart will melt once I see love for me in his eyes. My main concern is that I don’t want to lead him on if I won’t ever fall in love with him. But how can I know?
– A very confused dreamer
‘Pray about it’ and apocryphal stories of how attraction developed after getting to know someone are all the PTBAHM crowd could offer this girl. What’s a better answer.?