Quoting Quiverfull: Part 1 – Stand By Your Man When He Becomes Obsessed?

Quoting Quiverfull: Part 1 – Stand By Your Man When He Becomes Obsessed? March 18, 2015

quotingquiverfullby Shalom Pearl Brand from No Greater Joy – Preparing for His Obsession

Editor’s note: Remember when Debi Pearl confused hobbies and interests with obsessions? Her daughter Shalom is carrying on in the same vein of misunderstanding and reenforcing Debi’s message of supporting your man’s hobbies and not having any of your own.

Preparing oneself to be a help meet is a primary concern of every young girl hoping to become a wife and mother. She wants to be ready to be the best wife ever. I have never heard a young girl say, “When I get married, I am going to nag my husband until he hates me.”

No, we all believe we will be the best when that day finally comes. Then we are married and have one child after another, maybe financial troubles, or a husband that is too busy working to appreciate all our sacrifices. It is easy to forget our former commitment to be a good help meet (properly fitted helper). We are now stuck in the tired doldrums of nagging because we are unhappy with our lot in life. We forget that God created us to honor and respect our husbands, no matter what. We come up with excuses like, “If he would just do this for me or lead his family the way God wants him to, then I would be happy.”

Preparing to be a wife never ends. We must continue to learn and grow into what God has called us to be. We cannot forget to continue to prepare ourselves. I have seen many young girls get married with such joy and excitement, only to have their fantasy fall away a few short months later. Wives are shocked and become unhappy when they realize that he is no longer obsessed with just them as he was during the courting days and early marriage. Their husbands are now obsessed with video games, hunting, sports, some hobby, or just work. But as all of you veteran wives have learned, if you stand by your man, your life with him can become very rewarding.

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, cultural enforcers and those that seek to keep women submitted to men and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.

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NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

13:24 – A Story of Faith and Obsession by M Dolon Hickmon

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  • Baby_Raptor

    All I’m seeing here is “Never EVER admit that the wife may have a valid point about an issue. Always frame it as ‘nagging.’ If we let them pretend they can think for themselves hell will ensue!”

  • Nea

    Preparing oneself to be a help meet is a primary concern of every young girl
    Nope. Not even the ones who intend to be wives and mothers.

    We forget that God created us to honor and respect our husbands, no matter what
    Nope. God has some pretty strong opinions about idolatry. That’s even one of the Big Ten.

    Preparing to be a wife never ends
    Nope. I can point to a lot of long-term marriages where the wife has got the whole marriage thing down pat by now.

    Their husbands are now obsessed with video games, hunting, sports, some hobby, or just work
    Nope. But then, my patterns are men who went into egalitarian marriages because they considered their wives friends and companions they wanted to be with, and not a thing to forget when there isn’t an itch to scratch or dirty work to avoid.

  • Astrin Ymris

    Translation: Your job is to be a slave to the Christian Patriarchy Movement, your husband, and God– in that order. If you do get any enjoyment from parts of this that’s a nice bonus for you. But if don’t, you’re expected to suck it up without complaint. You deserve nothing, and don’t you forget it! God’s already doing you a solid by not sentencing you to eternal torture, you know.

  • Melody

    Veteran wives makes it sound like it’s a war…. which it probably is for them, sigh.

    When my young grandmother (my mom recently found letters from her past) was unhappy in her marriage, her mother shamed her by saying she just needed to hang on and think of Paul (the apostle) in prison as he persevered. Thereby basically acknowleging that it was perhaps a prison for her. When we read that, it reminded me of the first wave feminists also comparing marriage to a prison…

    What I’m saying is: if marriage is a prison or a war (or if one compares it to such) what the hell do these people think marriage is (about)? What kind of horrible marriages are they in?

    My grandma didn’t have an easy life, that’s for sure, and her marriage definitely was a prison. She probably found the notion of divorce far too outlandish to consider and would have been ostracized for it. Unfortunately she was a very closed person whereas her husband was very charming and so she also lacked support for her side of things. For the longest time, we didn’t even know about all her struggles…

  • Evelyn

    Asking twice = nagging. BTDT. I still cringe a little inside if I have to remind a friend of something, because I got so used to be screamed at for it. It’s a very effective way to disempower.

  • Evelyn

    “What kind of horrible marriages are they in?” One does wonder. When I took such heat for getting divorced, it seemed like there were two possibilities. Either they had such great marriages that they just couldn’t imagine a husband doing what mine did, or they were in the same situation I had been in and didn’t know how getting out could be compatible with their religion. I shudder to think that most probably fit in the second group, and they hid it as well as I did.

  • Melody

    Yes, if the option of divorce is off limits than a marriage can truly become a trap. I’m glad you were able to get out!

    It saddens me to think of all the women who daren’t take that step.If you will lose everything/everyone around you because of it, it must be such a hard, nearly impossible, choice to make. Yet giving up your own happiness and possibly that of children is such a high price as well.

    In hindsight, my grandmother used medication (tranquilizers) basically throughout her marriage. She was usually friendly but never really happy nor really angry, all her emotions ‘flat’ because of it. That’s how she chose to survive, and it’s just such a shame…