Answering ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet ‘ – What Type of Girl am I?

Answering ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet ‘ – What Type of Girl am I? April 17, 2015

AnsweringAnother installment of giving better answers to the questions asked at Debi Pearl’s site message board for the book ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’. Many young ladies ask questions on all sorts of different subjects brought up by the book. There was just one big problem, many of the answers stray into either the outright bad and emotionally unhealthy to dangerous. Yes, typical Debi Pearl borderline abusive. Here’s what we’re going to be doing here at NLQ. Every week, once or twice a week, I’ll be posting up one of the questions from the message board and ask you, our readers, to answer that poor soul’s question in a way that is logical, rational and the best possible solution, in other words 180 degree turn from Nancy and friends answers. As always spelling and grammar are as on the original posting.

Okay, on to today’s question:

Topic: What type of girl am I?

I’ve read the book and I’m curious; I don’t know what type of girl I am.

Is there a quiz or something like that.

It’d be interesting to know that.

Some things about me: I’m the oldest of four.

I’m going to take leadership if nobody does, but it’s not something I truly enjoy. I’m a curious person. I love to work with my hands, and artistic work. Love translating, writting and reading; also photography. I like to encourage people but is hard for me to start conversations. I’m not afraid of spiders, or anything like that; I’m not afraid of the dark, I’m not afraid of being along, I’m not afraid of getting dirty. I feel like dying everytime I fail or do not know what to do, but the Lord always reminds me of His love…

It’s hard for me to show my feelings… I get easily distracted. I like people with big ideas, and the whole-heartedness for the Lord.

What else… sometimes I’m unpredictable…. I’m not a funny person. I think that talking is better than joking… I’m 24, single, I want to be a missionary… Don’t like sports… I have only a few close friends.

I’m  a happy single girl, happily working, happily serving, happily learnig more about my God; not worried about marriage, yet with that desire in some part of my heart (and it’s growing).

What do you think? I know it may be a silly question, but I want to know

Everyone’s advice is that she is a ‘dreamer/visionary’ type. What do you think the best advice is for this young lady?

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Nea

    THE best advice you could ever get is to stop trying to force yourself into a role — especially a role as limited and fanciful as Debi’s pale imitations of Michael’s imaginary unbiblical trinity.

    You are you. You have unique talents, skills, and limitations. Devote your energy to developing all you have and don’t waste it forcing yourself into predetermined boxes. Especially don’t waste it trying to get a definition out of someone whose ultimate answer is “you are property to be molded” anyway!

  • KarenH

    All of the above. AND, it’s perfectly acceptable to be bits of all three artificial constructs that Debi and Michael are trying to shove people into. And even more acceptable to lack various traits one or another box might suggest you need to have.

    If God wanted to limit people to just three types, He’d have likely mentioned it before now.

  • Saraquill

    You are yourself. Chopping off bits of your identity to fit the Pearls’ mold would be to deny what G-d has helped you become.

  • Nightshade

    Dear Wondering:

    You’re a human being-type woman-NOT girl at the age of 24! You’re an adult, you don’t have to fit into someone else’s structure. If considering yourself a ‘type’ helps you figure out what you want in life fine, but don’t let that keep you from examining and exploring characteristics you may have that aren’t part of that type.

    Also I have to add, for the love of all that’s holy/unholy as the case may be, do not marry the Pearl construct known as a Command Man! That’s a whole new level of grief no woman needs.

  • Brennan

    You’re the human kind. The rest is up to you to discover and determine.

  • Olivia

    I think knowing oneself is extremely important. Self awareness goes hand in hand with maturity and it sounds to me like you know yourself pretty well already, but it is always a lifelong journey.
    But Debi is no psychologist her “types” are just generalizations based on her limited and bias observations. For some people (like myself) quizzes and personality assessments provide endless amounts of entertainment and enjoyment. If you seek an outside label to understand yourself, I suggest the Myers-Brigg personality inventory. Never once have I met someone who took it and didn’t say “oh my gosh, that is uncanny!” As for how who you are relates to what you want in a man, honestly, there is simply no fool proof formula for this. You are just going to have to follow your mind and heart when you meet someone who you are attracted to in that way.

  • gimpi1

    Well, the first thing I would pass along is, “You’re not a girl. You’re 24 years old, an adult. You’re a woman.” Next, I would say, “Don’t worry about ‘types.’ People really don’t fit into any type or mould. We’re all individuals. Use your abilities, do what you enjoy, and meet people while doing things. Meet people. All kinds of people. If you can do that, you will learn fast exactly how artificial and forced the Pearl’s world-view is. Good luck.”

  • This is an easy one–HUMAN. To pigeonhole yourself like Debbie, the Deluded Deluder, wishes you to do is counterproductive.

  • Plain English

    Topic: What type of girl am I?

    I’ve read the book and I’m curious; I don’t know what type of girl I am.

    Is there a quiz or something like that.

    It’d be interesting to know that.

    /You are not afraid to ask questions, to look into the dark and ask for connection in that darkness./

    Some things about me: I’m the oldest of four.

    /Much is expected of you. In religious families (and others), the first-born faces the full force of the parental legacy. This means that you must suffer to maintain the family view, the parental view of things… the children who come later, face less force to conform, to meet the family needs./

    I’m going to take leadership if nobody does, but it’s not something I truly enjoy. I’m a curious person. I love to work with my hands, and artistic work. Love translating, writting and reading; also photography.

    /The creative impulse is born of the freedom of heart and mind. It is not some gift or challenge, just who you are… take leadership of your own life. That is what you want to do. Believe in your hands, your creative vision. There is no other who knows your story and only you can tell it. Look deep and interpret, write the truth of YOUR life, and read widely and freely from wherever you find your heart and mind leading. The only wrong in reading is to restrict it to somebody else’s taste, restrictions, guides. You are complete, whole and can say, I want to read this or I am not interested in this… it is about YOU./

    I like to encourage people but is hard for me to start conversations.

    /Perhaps you are are better listener…. Do not be afraid of silence. Let people be who they are: If you listen, quietly, people will tell you who they are, but you must listen and allow them to be as they are, not try to change, save or help them. This is very important. Without this step, there is no chance of intimacy or understanding further on…./

    I’m not afraid of spiders, or anything like that; I’m not afraid of the dark, I’m not afraid of being along, I’m not afraid of getting dirty.

    /I want you to look at what you have written above. You state very important truths of yourself. You are not a cliche. Spiders are spiders and you are fine with all this life around you…. You face the dark and stay connected with yourself. You have had to be alone in the dark and you have conquered the lonely nothing of it…. Now this next statement is important because it contains an error that reveals the truth about you. You are not afraid of being along.
    You want to change that to the obvious correction but that would not serve you well. It would be better to admit that you are brave and will travel along in search of truth and meaning. You are not afraid of traveling along. Wonderful! You have a good, strong heart and you believe in the heart. You know that you can get scuffed up and dirty and you still know how important it is to go on in your search. This is a wonderful strength./

    I feel like dying everytime I fail or do not know what to do, but the Lord always reminds me of His love…

    /You have very very high expectations of yourself. Refer to my first point about being first-born. The expectations of your parents, even if unstated, are huge./

    It’s hard for me to show my feelings… I get easily distracted. I like people with big ideas, and the whole-heartedness for the Lord.

    /I understand your reluctance to share your feelings but they are you. You deserve to have all your feelings and it is what makes you human. In religious circles, there is often the challenge to defeat feelings and not have them but you know that is not a healthy perspective. For instance, sometimes anger is necessary and fully expresses what is felt in the heart. Once that anger is expressed it is gone and has no power to remain in resentment or judgement. You know this already even though you hear people quote about a soft answer, etc. I do not share your perspective about whole-heartedness for the Lord. In my experience, this phrase involves denying oneself and not looking after basic needs, then saying the God will do it…. i cannot help you with that statement. I would suggest it has to do with your fear of being who you are…./

    What else… sometimes I’m unpredictable…. I’m not a funny person. I think that talking is better than joking…

    /So you are human and have moods you cannot dress up for people…. You don’t feel comfortable with jokes. You want to share your heart and not avoid it with other stuff…. I understand that well. It is very important and it is you believing in you. Try to be patient with people who joke incessantly. They do it to cope, as you well know already./

    I’m 24, single, I want to be a missionary… Don’t like sports… I have only a few close friends.

    /I WROTE THESE WORDS ONCE! All I want to share with you is that the decade between 20 and 30 years of age was massive for me, and changed me in a fundamental, major way. I chose to leave my church of birth and write and read and be on my own, to find my way. I believed God wanted me to be real. I hated the rules and infighting and denial around me and I had one real human friend then.
    Thankfully I avoided going into missions and instead decided to study as a youth worker. That allowed me to continue my personal search too./

    I’m a happy single girl, happily working, happily serving, happily learnig more about my God; not worried about marriage, yet with that desire in some part of my heart (and it’s growing).

    /This sounds like bullshit denial to me, but that is fine. You have a lot of expectations on you…. My wish for you is that you continue to search yourself and not worry about looking after your knowledge of God. You are worried about marriage but you are not about to jump into some nonsense that would end your personal search. Good for you! Be independent and free. You matter first and foremost. You must be yourself to find a mate who will love YOU. If you give yourself away to anything, then expect that you will not be loved for who you are…../

    What do you think? I know it may be a silly question, but I want to know

    /I think you are a remarkable person and that you do need to read read read and create poetry and prose and drawings and sculptures and whatever your mind and heart are wanting to do! Be you, dear person…. And when somebody from the church says but but but, say thank-you and move on seeking your personal fullness. I think you are doing wonderfully well!/

    Read more: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/nolongerquivering/2015/04/answering-preparing-to-be-a-help-meet-what-type-of-girl-am-i/#ixzz3XcdtuGOp

  • Jenny Islander

    Yes. If these three types were so important, why did God wait thousands of years for Michael and Debi Pearl to reveal them to humankind?

  • I’m beginning to wonder if these questions are on the level. Surely no on in their right mind even bothers with Debi.

  • Plain English

    the key words: “in their right mind”! Ha! When I was trying to do the Christian correctly, I now believe I was not in my right mind. Then, though, I carried my Cross a long way, round and round 😉