by Michael Pearl from No Greater Joy – I Need Her Counsel and Judgement
Editor’s note: This is almost enough to make you feel sorry for Michael’s wife Debi Pearl, but knowing how Debi twists what happened to her and uses it to make others feel fear and guilt cancels out any sympathy points she might get for her husband admitting what an abusive jerk he has been. Sick relationship. His advice in the end might be good except for his suggestion to pretend to be humble and thoughtful. Pretend?
Wives can irritate us more than anyone else because it is so important to a man to look good in his wife’s eyes. We are still like kids trying to impress that one girl, and it is disturbing if she thinks we are less than perfect. We all want to be praised and approved, and we get so little of it from work or friends, so we expect the little wife to provide all the positive affirmation necessary to keep up our self-image. (I hope my wife doesn’t read all this. I feel vulnerable being this honest.)
Now don’t expect me to hold hands, say I am sorry, and sing kum-bah-ya. A man still has his dignity, you know. I don’t mind making changes, but I am not going to admit that I was wrong until five years have passed. It is much easier to say “I WAS wrong” than to say “I AM wrong.” My suggestion is that you hurry and make some changes before you have to admit that you ARE an immature, selfish, and insecure jerk. It worked for me. Then when you get old, you can be humble, too.
I will set you on the road to recovery with one good suggestion. Ask your wife for advice and counsel. Welcome her judgments even if you feel she is attacking you. Pretend to be humble and thoughtful. Be patient and ask her to expound further on her concerns. Pause and look enlightened. Nod in appreciation for her wisdom and then modify your actions in some measure based on her suggestion.