Quoting Quiverfull: Part 3 – Dogs, Cats And Kids Are All Selfish?

Quoting Quiverfull: Part 3 – Dogs, Cats And Kids Are All Selfish? May 7, 2015

quotingquiverfullby Michael Pearl from No Greater Joy – Dogs, Cats and Kids

Editor’s note: This seems a pretty extreme and cruel way to teach your child to share their toys with others. But this is Michael Pearl we’re talking about. And a cat vest that shocks a dog he calls “Useless”? Beyond cruel. Emergency Kittens for everyone~

Now, back to our story of Snotty the toy-hoarder. I suggested making his behavior counterproductive by giving a new toy to every young guest that he rebuffs. If, at the beginning of each month, you buy two or three toys to put in your “cache” and explain to him that at the end of the month if you haven’t given them away, he can have them, then he will know that any selfish, “No, it’s mine!” that comes out of his mouth is going to result in the toys leaving the house, he will begin to share with abandoned joy.

If you don’t like the reward approach, the next time a visitor is rebuffed by him, move him and his toys into a room by himself, and let him play alone. Take note: he does not really care for the toy, nor does he want to play with it; like Useless, he just wants to assert himself and maintain control, even to his own hurt. When the child he wants to control gets to stay with the more interesting adults and he is shut out, he will welcome the other kid into his room and share what he has. He may hold out changing his attitude until he is sure that you are serious. But with your consistent “treatment” of his problem, in time, he will become convinced that his negative behavior is unproductive.

I am thinking about making a vest for my cat, one that has a battery and a transformer that emits electrical impulses through little antennas that stick out everywhere. When Useless touches the cat, he will experience negative sensations in and about his flee-bitten body. Yeah, that might work. Just make sure you don’t get your dog training and child training techniques mixed up.

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, cultural enforcers and those that seek to keep women submitted to men and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.

Anti Pearl – Grieving Mama Cat Who Lost All Three Babies Matched With Three Abandoned Kittens

If this is your first time visiting NLQ please read our Welcome page and our Comment Policy!

Comments open below

NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

13:24 – A Story of Faith and Obsession by M Dolon Hickmon

"I wonder when they started home-churching. At one point in the girls' book, they mentioned ..."

Jim Bob Duggar and His Mysterious ..."
"Toilet Paper: If you're desperate, would you use it ... or not. (Obviously the Trump ..."

Open Thread Covid 19, Some Funny ..."
"I hate satan ... lolI hail satan ... as my own personal jeezus ...The implied ..."

Open Thread Covid 19, Some Funny ..."
"On the one hand they might have made it specially, on the other, they might ..."

Open Thread Covid 19, Some Funny ..."

Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!


TRENDING AT PATHEOS Nonreligious
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Nea

    Congrats Mike,you are teaching your child that you hate him by using nasty names, that he is wrong for wanting human contact or boundaries, and how to hoard along with the impetus to hoard as much as possible as soon as possible.

    In other words, the exact opposite of what you promise.

    But THE worst and fastest way to fuck up a helpless human being is to forget the difference between them and an animal you’re imagining torturing for shits and grins. Not that you ever knew the difference in the first place, as you make such a point of telling parents to forget this most basic set of lessons.

  • Saraquill

    Pearl would be better off as a hermit without phone or internet, and only intermittent postal services. In other words, quarantined to protect everyone else.

  • ShaLaLa

    You understand that cats lick themselves to clean themselves, right? And otherwise make contact with their own bodies for various reasons? Ahh yes, but you mentioned earlier that you don’t care for cats (so why do you have them?), and given the way you treat your own children…

    As for the rest, sharing is a choice. If a person is required to share their belongings with anyone who asks, then those aren’t really their belongings. Not only are you not actually teaching your kid to share (you’re instead teaching your kid to preserve whatever scraps of control over hir own life zie can by doing whatever other people want hir to do), but you’re teaching your kids that they don’t have any rights to personal boundaries unless they want to lose everything (which is probably your goal).

    Seriously, it’s waaay easier to just foster compassion and kindness in the home, and you can have conversations about sharing while also demonstrating sharing yourself, and of course family property is to be shared anyway, and lo and behold! Your child is an excellent sharer and you didn’t even have to break them and destroy any actual relationship you might have had in the process!

    Edited to add: kids who know their personal property (and other personal rights) will be respected are a lot more likely to share, especially if the people in their world tend to share with them as well.

  • Nightshade

    ‘Just make sure you don’t get your dog training and child training techniques mixed up.’ Does Mikey even know the difference?

  • Rebecca Horne

    To a kid this young, a month is eternity. Expecting him to perfectly share his toys for a month, with no more than 3 slips is utterly unrealistic.

    The kid’s experience is going to be so spread out that the connection will be lost. Something line, that his dad sometimes buys toys, claims he’s going to give them to him and never does because he’s bad and doesn’t deserve toys.

  • jennabobenna

    Whoa.

    1) Have you ever considered reasoning with children? Explaining WHY something is wrong or not is pretty effective. When my brother (my parents thought they’d have a third kid when they were in the home stretch with my sister and I haha) does things I don’t want him to do, I have found over the years that it is best to explain to him WHY, then remind him of the previous conversation until it becomes habit that he does what he’s supposed to. For example, he has a bad habit of interrupting people when they are having a conversation. One day, my boyfriend sat him down and explained, very calmly, that it isn’t nice to interrupt people while they are talking and that if he needs something, he needs to say, “Excuse me.” and wait for the person to finish talking before going ahead with what he wants to say. Kids are surprisingly logical if you allow them to be…

    2) I swear, someone needs to call the Humane Society and rescue these poor animals. This is just awful. Cats and dogs play and fight with each other. That’s what they do. My dog and my roommate’s cat are best friends. One way they show affection is chasing each other around and wrestling. That’s normal animal behavior.

    3) Why the *bleep* is your dog flea-bitten?! If your dog is lousy with fleas, it’s your fault for not taking care of him! My dog had fleas last fall and I felt AWFUL. This year, I have her on a heavy-duty flea, tick, and heartworm preventative from the vet. Don’t refer to your dog derisively as “flea-bitten” if it’s your fault for not taking care of him properly. Obviously, there’s only so much you can do to prevent fleas, but if your dog has fleas, you get a flea comb, go through their coat inch-by-inch, give them a bath, and do SOMETHING to prevent the fleas from returning. It’s your duty as a pet parent.

  • L’Anne

    All I got:
    He’s a horrible excuse for a person

  • Mel

    Plus, kids go through developmental stages where learning about boundaries causes them to set some pretty stiff ones. My spouse had would play with his cousin Bill who is about 3 weeks older. Nico would gather up all of his toys, clutch them in his arms and say “MINE!” to Bill.

    Nico’s mom’s solution: Make sure that the number of toys out for the two kiddos to play with was N+3 where N = the number that Nico could clutch at any time. Nico got to work out how it feels to wander around with an armful of toys and Bill – who was a mellow toddler – was more than happy to play with whatever toys Nico couldn’t hold on to at that moment.

    Seriously. The Pearl method is crazy harmful – but it’s also way more work than it needs to be. Your kid doesn’t want to share; fine. Let the kid learn what the natural consequences of not sharing are. Eventually, Nico learned that he couldn’t play very well when he was trying to guard all of his toys and that playing with Bill was a lot more fun. This didn’t happen overnight – but it happened naturally and in a non-scarring way.

  • Mel

    I’d prefer substituting the phone for the intermittent postal services. I think he’d find it harder to write books if he had to have someone on a phone typing everything he wanted in the new book.

  • Mel

    Yeah. His animals sound like they are behaving completely normally for outdoor cats and dogs. When I put down food for the barn cats and the dog, the dog starts scarfing the cat food while the older, more crotchety cats start gnawing on dog food – clearly out of spite.

    We did have a problem with the dog laying on the cat food and preventing the cats from eating by snapping at them. We bought a sturdy dog bowl for the dog and allowed her to defend her bowl. If she tried to chase cats off the cat food, I would gasp loudly and make a disapproving noise. (Domino is a blue heeler-Australian shepherd mix. Her whole personality is wrapped around being a good working dog who does what the people want her to do. The tricky bit is having to express disapproval without crushing her doggy soul. ) I then redirected her to her bowl and praised her liberally when she ate out of it. If she snapped at a cat by her bowl, I looked away – a neutral response that doesn’t praise or punish the behavior. So, including the time driving to the store to buy the bowl, training the dog to stop that behavior took about 45 minutes.

    The only “problem” is that the older crotchety cats still eat her food – but not when she is there. I find it hilarious to see some giant toms gnawing away at the dog food – and the occasional kitten whose trying to be a “big” cat.

  • ShaLaLa

    Yes! Exactly! Kids aren’t out looking to do things they think are going to be a problem for other people, they’re just figuring out how to exist in a world that is still relatively new and confusing in a way that protects their needs.

    It’s no wonder Pearl thinks parenting is so miserably hard and that all the parents out there who don’t follow his child-beating script have out of control kids and have to scream and “hit in anger.” If Pearl’s kids weren’t beaten into broken shadows of human beings, that’s exactly what his general parenting philosophy would have wrought!

  • gimpi1

    Perhaps one reason Mr. Pearl and others in his circle don’t emphasize reason is that they are afraid if they get their children in the habit of using reason, they may eventually use reason to analyze some of their beliefs. You know, like the belief that men are better at making decisions, or that there’s something dangerous about two gay people marrying.

    Reason is dangerous if your beliefs are unreasonable.

  • jennabobenna

    Very true. It just proves how fragile his belief system is that it’s so threatened by logic.

  • Rachel

    It’s amazing what positive reinforcement does for humans and animals! When our dog was a puppy (about 14 years ago now) we bought into the myth that house-training involves scolding and hitting. Problem is, our little dog was the runt of her litter and had all kinds of anxiety issues, and raised voices just made it worse. At first we thought she was just stupid because it was taking so long to train her, but then we realized we were taking the wrong approach. Anxiety never went away, but her personality and her relationship with us changed dramatically once she realized that her “mistakes” were going to be met with “Poor baby” and snuggles instead of yelling and getting hit.

    That experience with raising a dog really changed how I view parenting too. I don’t think I’ll ever want to have kids, but I’ve decided that if it ever happens I never want to hit or spank my children (despite the fact that I grew up in a pro-spanking environment). Hitting and raised voices clearly don’t work with animals–in fact it makes the problems worse! So why do people expect it to work with children?

  • Allison the Great

    I like the way you said that children are trying to figure out how to exist in the world. I remember trying to learn that as a kid, and I remember doing better when I didn’t have someone constantly trying to control me (I had relatives and teachers that would try, and my parents had to tell them to back off, they weren’t helping anything at all) . I don’t think Michael understands this though. He doesn’t think that anyone deserves boundaries except for him. He doesn’t get that other people have needs as well. Michaels does not seem to have any empathy for humans or animals. In his mind, the living things around him are not allowed to have boundaries, needs, or feelings. They are to be under his control, and he needs to break the wills of everyone he meets.

  • Allison the Great

    He needs to be in a home for the criminally insane. These last three blog posts about Michael have confirmed that this man is a sociopath, and it is not safe for him to be around humans or animals.

  • Nea

    According to his own books, no.

  • Allison the Great

    Reason is dangerous if your beliefs are unreasonable.

    Someone should put that on a shirt or a bumper sticker. Marvelously said!

  • gimpi1

    Aww, shucks, thanks… (blushes and fans face)

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    Dear Federal Government Santa:

    If there’s only one thing that I can ever have for Christmas for my whole entire life, please make it a government quarantine camp that the National Guard can round up and place Michael Pearl in forever and ever until he dies. I would be ever so appreciative if he would have to wear a shock collar that zaps him hard enough so he loses consciousness briefly (5 minutes should do) any time he goes too close to the fence surrounding his quarantine camp, and his food deliveries made by drone drops at random intervals around inside the fence so he has to find it on his own.

    Thanks Federal Government Santa!

    Me

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Now that’s a cause I can get behind!

  • Anonyme

    “Just make sure you don’t get your dog training and child training techniques mixed up”

    I don’t think that’s possible. Both of Mike’s “training” techniques are the same whether it’s children or animals–abuse and debase into submission. Also, if your dog is “flee”-bitten, you suck even more.

  • B.A.

    I wouldn’t even train a pet the way he says to “train” children. I’d never beat an animal.

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    Why thanks! I’m thinking of making it a part of my campaign platform. “I can safely deliver all from the horror that is Micheal Pearl and will do so should I be elected president” 😛

  • You’re kidding, right? (being sarcastic)

  • I think that is what disturbed me the most.

  • They could even put a little feeding box outside for people who want to help feed him. A buck gets 1 zap, five will buy you six.

  • gimpi1

    You’ve got my vote!

  • gimpi1

    Of courssse! (heavy sarcasm.)

  • Petticoat Philosopher

    Well, I don’t think he should be alone because I think solitary confinement is torture. Stick some other awful people in there too. Just make sure that they’re people that Michael knows can take him on if he tries to bully or brutalize them like he does everyone else in his life.

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    Well, Debi might as well be there with him so they both get to make each other utterly miserable for the remainder of their days – I don’t think it’s a good idea to put additional awful people in there because too many bad people in one location is bound to mean the bad people exchange tips on how to be awful and do horrendous things – or – worse yet they make a group effort with the unspoken understanding that it’s merely a matter of convenience and figure out how to escape.

    Debi insisted that she get the prize that is Michael and that marriage is forever no divorce allowed, so as far as I’m concerned they deserve to share the life in quarantine as just the two of them. I’ll build separate quarantine camps when I am elected president, just to keep the evil ones from making new evil friends – I don’t think anyone will care if I have those camps built in areas where the government tested nuclear weaponry, next door to the Duggars, maybe in the Kardashian neighborhood, but ya never know.

  • BridgetD

    Michael Pearl has no business with children. Or dogs. Or any sort of living creature. He has too much contempt and too little empathy for that. I’m actually beyond nauseated reading him talk about “Snotty” and “Useless”…yep, that’s the kind of person right there that you need to go to for parenting advice.

    Ugh.

    I also find it incredibly rich that he calls the dog and the child stupid. No human being comes into the world solving complex calculus. If you compare a child, someone new to the world and still unaware of its workings, to a much older person who has had years of experience and study under their belt, they’re going to appear stupid. Appearances, however, are deceiving. Part of intelligence is capacity to learn, and in order to learn, one must first be taught. This is even true in dogs as well. I read an article recently about Chaser the Border Collie, who had been taught to recognize over 1000 toys by name. She was not born with that knowledge, only the capacity to learn. This was something that her owner emphasized strongly.

    Most children have the capacity to learn. But, Michael Pearl’s methods to “train” a child (not teach or guide mind you) don’t allow for independent thought or growth, only submission, so I suspect that he wouldn’t know much about that.

  • BridgetD

    The blog posts only cemented what I figured from “How to Train Up a Child.” I’m generally not into book burnings, but if I could gather up every copy of that waste of paper…