by Charlotte Mackenzie from Girl Defined – A Love Story in the Mind
Editor’s note: This illustrates a lot of the danger of buying the Quiverfull Evangelical theology that every time you are even attracted to someone of the opposite sex you give away pieces of your heart. There’s a great deal of self-guilt and emotional flagellation in this piece.
This flirting and fantasizing over Austin went on for five years of this girl’s life.
Throughout the five years, she grew more rebellious. All to prove to her parents that she knew more than they did. It was pure act of defiance toward the authority God placed in her life.
God then brought her to this point in her life of absolute brokenness.
She realized how much sin she was in. She then repented after a long go at playing with sin. She finally realized that Austin was everything her parents warned her about. She really loved Austin, so much to the point that she broke her own heart.
She gave her heart to a guy who never loved her.
It was nothing but a fantasy she let her mind create. She finally let go of Austin knowing that, despite how much it hurt, it was what God wanted her to do.
The next few months for her were filled with tear stained pillows, sorrow, guilt, and anxiety.
There were so many times she cried out to God asking Him why? Questions like, “Why didn’t I just listen to my parents? Why didn’t I just do it your way, God? Why can’t I move on? How did I let this happen? I knew what the right thing was, yet I openly rebelled because my pleasure mattered more.”
All she could do was read God’s word, and pray that He would heal the brokenness she had. God started to slowly mend her broken heart. It took a long time for her to feel okay again. But I guess she wouldn’t be the girl she is today without the hardships she has endured.