Created To Need A Help Meet – Part 12: How Do I Need Thee? (Michael Turns Debi On) *Insert Puking Smiley Here*

Created To Need A Help Meet – Part 12: How Do I Need Thee? (Michael Turns Debi On) *Insert Puking Smiley Here* July 14, 2015

Createdtoneedby Aletha cross posted from her blog Yllom Mormon

Trigger warning: You may have to use brain bleach after reading this about Michael’s ideas of sex.

Hello, everyone! I apologize for my sporadic posting, but I’ve been traveling to and from Spokane this past week. I’m back home now though, so things should be back on schedule.

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Text is in purple

Alrighty! We are finally at the section we have all been waiting for. I hope you guys are ready for this.

I Need My Wife to Meet My Erotic Desires

I am not a sex therapist and don’t want to be. So I’m not going to say all that needs to be said, not here and not in response to any letters you write. But we are going to view the subject through a window of light and hope. Read the scriptures below very carefully.

Interesting. Michael claims that he’s not a sex therapist, yet he wrote a book about sex. It’s called “Holy Sex-The Song of Songs”. And later on in the book, Michael talks more about sex. Then again, I guess sex therapists concentrate more on helping people overcome sexual dysfunctions, rather than bragging about their sex life. So perhaps it’s a good thing that Michael isn’t one.

Hebrews 13:4-Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whormongers and adulterers God will judge.

Proverbs 5:19-Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

Song of Solomon 2:4-6-He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples: for I am sick of love. His left hand is under my head, and his right hand doth embrace me.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5-Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband has not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

Interesting how all of these talk about what the woman can do for the man. There is some reciprocity, but mostly just “women are for a-sexing”. Also, I would like to point out how the last verse- often touted by Christians to “prove” that the wife’s body isn’t her own-says that the man’s body isn’t his own, either. For all the maintaining that men deserve sex-on-demand, there’s not much about men waiting for a time that works for their wife. I think that if each spouse’s body belongs to the other, then having a time when both are “in the mood”, would work a lot better than guilt or forced coercion.

Associations

Through the years, in the process of hearing testimonies and counseling with many families, it has become clear that the reason most wives are frigid in sex is because of the guilt and shame they brought into the marriage. Our first experiences of anything stupendous, and especially sex, create and association that remains with us the rest of our lives. When the first sexual experiences occur in a context of shame and guilt, thereafter sex is associated with shame. The sensitive nature of women leaves them more subject to the restrains of guilt. If you, Sir, had sex with your wife before you were married, her present coldness is probably related to the residue of guilt.

So Michael’s not a sex therapist, but he’s fine with dispensing sex advice. I suppose having the mandate of God to preach gives you carte blanche to tap into mystical knowledge. Though he makes a good point when he says that frigidity in sex can be caused by guilt and shame. It can also be caused by physical pain, psychological issues, or just plain not liking being treated like a piece of meat. There are tons of other reasons, other than guilt and shame, that cause frigidity. Also, it’s perfectly normal for men to be “frigid”. Just because someone has a penis does not mean he walks around 100% horny all the time.

I think it’s interesting how Michael completely ignores the woman’s first time. While sex is stupendous for men the first time, for women, it is often painful or awkward. Especially when the woman has grown up in a culture that teaches “SEX IS BAD…until marriage, then it’s awesomely amazing.” It’s very difficult to flip the switch from “Sex is bad” to “Sex is wonderful”. Often, in these cultures, even sanctified, marriage sex can cause guilt or shame. Not to mention, when coupled with the “women’s bodies aren’t their own” mentality, the woman is expected to put out whenever the man wants. Which might not be when the woman wants, but she is cultured into thinking she has to. That can lead to resentment, and, if the woman’s mind is not into it, lack of lubrication can cause physical pain. And there is such a thing as marital rape; it is a very real problem and needs to be addressed. Perhaps in another post.

Finally, if a couple has pre-marital sex, the wife has to bear the burden of the guilt. Because, apparently, she is so sensitive. But what about the guilt the man should have? Didn’t he grow up in the same purity culture? Oh wait. Boys will be boys…silly me.

Speaking of sneaking around to have sex, Solomon mused, “Stolen waters are sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant (Proverbs 9:17)”. A woman may be hot before marriage, eating stolen bread in secret and finding it quite stimulating, but once sexual desires are satiated in marriage, the guilt and shame that was shouted down by youth and passion begins to assert itself. Eroticism is overridden by shame and the wife does what she should have done before marriage; she freezes up sexually and crosses her arms in front of her body, shutting out the source of her guilt.

Interesting. I’m still waiting for the part where the man has to share the guilt for being sexually active before marriage. But it doesn’t look like it. Clearly, the woman deserves the guilt and shame because she wanted sex. Is that what everyone else is getting from this paragraph? “She was hot…eroticism is overridden by shame…the wife should have […]freezes up sexually.” So if I’m reading this correctly, a woman wants sex, then eventually realizes how wrong it is outside of marriage, then does what she should have done at the beginning, and keeps her knees together.

Years ago, I heard from a man that his wife couldn’t get sexually aroused unless he took her parking. That was a term used for driving to some out-of-the-way-place and “necking, smooching” or having sex. Her experiences before marriage had defined the terms of arousal and she couldn’t shake them.

I don’t really see what’s wrong with doing things the way your partner likes. That’s called marriage. Or compromise. Take your pick. I’m irritated with how he assumes her experiences before marriage mean “defines the terms” of the arousal. First off, I’ve read lots of stories of sexual abuse victims, and many of them can only experience sexual arousal in situations that remind them of the abuse. It sounds twisted, but it’s fairly common. Second, how does Michael know about the woman’s experiences before marriage? Finally, how is a woman’s (or person’s) sexual needs dictating the terms of arousal, a problem? Are things supposed to be only the man’s way? Where does it say that in the Bible?

Most recently, a woman wrote and said that she met her husband online and they communicated through the digital media, finally meeting in person and eventually getting married. After several weeks of glorious sex, they cooled down, he especially. But they made a discovery one day when they were texting between home and work. Now he goes into one room and she in another and they text back and forth until they both get aroused. I am laughing again. I don’t think I can stop. The world gets crazier every day!

So people sext, Michael. It’s called the digital age for a reason. I would think it’s a good thing that this couple knows what works for them and both parties are OK with doing it. Frankly, it’s nothing to laugh out. And I certainly don’t like the judgmental tone. It seems to me Michael is saying “That’s not the way I do it! It must be absurd. Chuckle chuckle.”

I get my wife aroused by walking in the room and uttering a couple grunts. She gets me aroused by…well I don’t know; I’ve been perpetually aroused for the past 40 years and one week. We have been married 40 years today as I write this. The additional week occurred just before marriage.

Wow. Just wow. I’d really be impressed if grunting is all it took to turn on anyone. Apparently it works like magic for Michael. He walks in “Urg…Grog…Grmm” and Debi swoons. I guess foreplay isn’t really an issue since Michael’s manly grunts is all that’s necessary to get things started. I think it’s odd that Michael doesn’t know what it is about his wife that turns him on. Most people have kind of a list. It sounds a bit like just the idea of accessible sex is what matters to Michael, not the wife. Also, I think it’s interesting that he only mentions being aroused for as long as he’s been engaged/married, yet in the introduction, he describes in loving detail beautiful girls that he loved in the past. Oh, and btw, Michael, permanent arousal is not a good thing. Viagra bottles specify that an erection more than 4 hours is a medical condition. 40 years seems just…painful.

When Deb and I were married we were both virgins and the only association either of us have with sex is the memories we have made together. I thank God for that. But I know some of you are not so blessed. Yet there is a way to undo the screwy associations that suffocate your sex life.

I’m not a huge proponent of the virgins-at-marriage thing. Well, more particularly, I’m not a fan of no sexual experience before signing up to only have one partner. You’ve got to know what works for you, what turns you on, and what you don’t like. Yes, a good partner will help you explore those preferences, but there’s no guarantees you’ll get a good partner. I’ve known a lot of Mormon girls who get married, perfectly pure and virtuous, and after marriage, not enjoy sex (even though they were promised it would be fantastic). Turns out, these women, and their husbands, didn’t know that women were different, arousally. So the man thought that he would enjoy sex the way he did, because he did. And the woman thought there was somethign wrong with her because she didn’t. I’ve known 70 year old women that have never had an orgasm. All because they don’t know how they work.

Moral of this story: male/female/trans/whatever-know what turns you on. Know what makes you uncomfortable. Know what you don’t like. If you don’t have a partner willing to help you with that, then take some time for yourself and figure it out.

So Michael is basically saying in this section that premarital sex is bad, because the poor, sensitive woman will latch on to that guilt/shame and not give the deserving man his nookie. Apparently guys can have pre-marital sex guilt free. I love me some marriage equality!

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Antoinette Herrera

    Shorter Michael Pearl: “Sex is awesome! Unless you’re a woman, and then it’s awful until you get married. Ladies having sex before marriage: bad. Guys doing the same: *crickets chirping*

    “Wives, your body is your husband’s property. Never say no, because Bible. (Oh yeah, husband’s body belongs to the wife, something something…) I am so Godly and manly, I just have to grunt and sport the woody. Turns Debi on every time. Not like these freaky couples that sext as foreplay. No, we do sex as God intended, with me on top and her lying back, thinking of how she can shame and scold younger women…”

  • Friend

    AAUGH! AAUGH!!!! AAUGH!!!!!!!!*

    “[…] the reason most wives are frigid in sex is because of the guilt and shame they brought into the marriage. […] If you, Sir, had sex with your wife before you were married, her present coldness is probably related to the residue of guilt.”

    *Translation of AAUGHs: Whether highly sheltered or sexually experienced before the wedding night, women raised in fundamentalist families know all about sexual shame long before they learn the first thing about sex. In many of these women’s minds, there is not sex: there’s sexshame and shamesex.

  • Evelyn

    What I just can’t figure out is the idea that women have to put out whenever the husband demands, but the reverse is not true, because nature didn’t make it so men can have erections on demand. So because he can jam it into me, however painful, that’s a good thing and I’m obedient to let it happen. But what about when *I* want it and he can’t get it up? Somehow I’m guessing that a good scolding about biblical values won’t cause as erection. Damn.

  • Julia Childress

    Sport the woody. LOL. Oh, wait, you’re talking about Michael Pearl. AARRGGH. Think of something else, quick! Ryan Gosling! Ryan Reynolds! Whew, that’s better.

  • Antoinette Herrera

    Apologies. I should have thought through the implications of the Great and Powerful Pearl having…eww.

    Sending a peace offering your way.

  • Mel

    Ew. The idea of Mike walking into a room and grunting for sex- that’s so much worse than anything else in the section.

    The whole thing reads to me as: I Mike Pearl. Me sex beast. I so much better than you. Grunt, Grunt. I have wood, woman. Grunt.

  • FrequentFlyer

    Does this help? I’m told if you stare hard enough you’ll see a horse.

  • I’ve been looking at it for 5 minutes or so, and the only thing I see is the pity that this man is wearing pants. But I’m a terrible person.

  • FrequentFlyer

    I must be terrible too. I keep looking and I can’t find that darned horse no matter how hard I try.

  • Nea

    *roars with laughter*. Best. Photo. Intro. EVER.

  • Nea

    Mikey’s many problems include the need to be considered an expert on everything, the need to be the male-est male in the room, and a complete lack of qualifications for either.

    And, as usual, he forgets that he has described treating Debi in the manner he prohibits and that her writing suggests that she’s been maritally raped a LOT and learned to fake it.

  • Nea

    PS : totally stealing this!

  • FrequentFlyer

    I stole it from Facebook.

  • Astrin Ymris

    Given that Michael can’t list a single thing that arouses him about his wife, I’m beginning to wonder if his constant trumpeting about his “manliness” is a cover for the fact that he’s gay or asexual*. To paraphrase Shakespeare, “Methinks he doth protest too much.”

    Of course, it’s also possible that Debi is no longer sexually attractive to him, and he’s just impatiently waiting for her to drop dead so he can marry a hot young virgin to practice Militant Fecundity with.

    Oh, and I doubt Debi finds his grunting a turn on; she’s just learned that when she hears Michael grunting it’s time to go into her nympho act to keep him in a good mood. If you read her advice to other “helpmeets” it’s clear that she views faking arousal, enjoyment, and orgasm as a wifely duty, just as scrubbing the toilet and doing plumbing repairs are.

    *I intend no insult to the LGBT or asexual community by this. There are lots of awesome, worthy, emotionally-mature adults in both groups. It’s just that there are bound to be a few creeps as well.

  • Julia Childress

    I don’t expect to see anything better than this all day. Thanks.

  • FrequentFlyer

    It was my pleasure.

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    Don’t forget that the lights have to be off and there’s a sheet with a hole in it in there somewhere.

    Sex between two utterly repressed, judgmental, and prudish people has to be really boring. I wonder if Michael at least tells Debi, “Don’t worry, this will be over quickly!” to which she sighs in relief, knowing that it will indeed be fast and then she can get back to her Debi-bation of shaming and scolding younger women.

  • Anonyme

    Back off ladies, he’s mine! 😉

  • Antoinette Herrera

    I think Michael just grunts while Debi shuts her eyes and thinks of all the ways in which she can make the lives of younger women more hellish.

  • Nea

    I’ve retuned it from whence it came, then. 🙂

  • FrequentFlyer

    Good. He should be shared with as many people as possible. I believe it is the right thing to do.:)