Answering ‘PreparingTo Be A Help Meet’ – How To Build Trust

Answering ‘PreparingTo Be A Help Meet’ – How To Build Trust January 6, 2016

Answering Another installment of giving better answers to the questions asked at Debi Pearl’s site message board for the book ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’. Many young ladies ask questions on all sorts of different subjects brought up by the book. There was just one big problem, many of the answers stray into either the outright bad and emotionally unhealthy to dangerous. Yes, typical Debi Pearl borderline abusive. Here’s what we’re going to be doing here at NLQ. Every week, once or twice a week, I’ll be posting up one of the questions from the message board and ask you, our readers, to answer that poor soul’s question in a way that is logical, rational and the best possible solution, in other words 180 degree turn from Debi and friends answers. As always  all spelling and grammar in the posting is unchanged from the original author.

On to today’s question and it’s a serious one instead of the usual ‘how do I get his attention or love’:

How to build trust

Hi, ladies!

This is probably sort of sad, but I want to find out how to learn to trust my father. It’s a sort of tough situation for me, and I need help.

When I was younger, I was abused. I still have nightmares about it, or things related to it. I’ve had so many dreams where a man has cornered me and sexually assaulted me, and many have involved my father as that man. He’s never done anything like that and I don’t know why he’s involved in these dreams, but they have been so realistic that I don’t trust him. I just don’t. Telling him anything about in my life is such a struggle, because I see him violating me and am scared.

What do I do? It’s a really important time in my life to be able to talk to him openly, as I am being pursued by a young man whom I really like. I should be able to talk to him… when I see all my friends being completely in love with their dads and trusting them, I feel like I’m sinful for not trusting mine. I’ve told myself so many times that it was just in dreams, but my heart is frightened of him still.

Most of the posters told this young lady that if she was dreaming about her father then it’s likely that her father was either not trustworthy or he was the one that violated her. I did notice that not one of the answers contains that thing that is the most helpful after being sexually abused – counseling with a professional who primarily deals with sexual abuse in childhood. Just a lot of stuff about ‘turning to the Lord’. What would you tell her?

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NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

13:24 – A Story of Faith and Obsession by M Dolon Hickmon


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