Quoting Quiverfull: Making Your Husband Commit the Sin of Lust?

Quoting Quiverfull: Making Your Husband Commit the Sin of Lust? January 8, 2016

quotingquiverfullby Kristen Clark of Covenant Eyes – When Wives Unknowingly Tempt Their Husbands  Toward Lust

Editor’s note: Ladies, did you know that you are responsible for keeping your husbands eyes off those scantily clad women on the cover of Cosmo? Yeah, this author is claiming that you are the one responsible for where your husband’s eyes land. Whatever happened to personal responsibility where the man would make an effort to control his lusts.

I was standing in line at my local grocery store when an obnoxious magazine caught my eye. I’m used to seeing half-naked women on the cover of tabloids, but this image seemed even too edgy for a tabloid.

A small wave of anger rushed over me as I thought of the innocent children and husbands who were being exposed to this, as I call it, “tabloid porn.” As I tried to refocus my thinking on something more positive, a middle aged couple got in line behind me.

I watched in curiosity as the wife reached over and selected that magazine off the rack. I watched even more curiously to see what she would do with it. To my shock, the wife held that magazine cover up to her husband’s face and said, “Wow, wish I had a body like that!”

Her husband chuckled as he happily perused the cover until she removed it.

I quickly glanced forward, realizing I had been staring. I tried to wrap my head around what I just saw. “Why would a wife want to intentionally show her husband a partially naked woman?” “Why would a wife want to help her husband peruse another woman?”

As I thought about that puzzling scene over the next few days, I began to wonder…maybe that wife didn’t understand the value of sexual purity in her marriage. Or maybe that wife was clueless about lust and temptation. Or maybe she wanted to prove her “security” by appearing non-jealous. I don’t know.

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, cultural enforcers and those that seek to keep women submitted to men and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.

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NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

13:24 – A Story of Faith and Obsession by M Dolon Hickmon

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Anonyme

    Maybe this woman actually trusts her husband not to go cavorting around town just because he finds other women attractive. What’s with this equating attraction with adultery?

  • Abigail Smith

    I am sure he would have seen it whether or not she held it up to his face.

    My Narcissistic mother would always ask my father when we were watching TV (Daisy Duke with her short shorts on Dukes of Hazard is one I remember) “you don’t think THAT’S attractive do you?” to which he would have to say “no, of course not” or suffer her wrath. It was embarrassing for us all. My father was home every night and she had no reason to accost him like that.

  • Kitty

    It never ceases to amaze me the dumb little things that fundamentalists can turn into BIG DEALS. A poor woman’s inconsequential action in a grocery store line gets her judged as either immoral, ignorant or a phony. Kristen Clark is batshit crazy.

  • Nightshade

    I’d much rather be aware that my man looks at other women-and he does notice them of course, he is a heterosexual male!-than have him lie about it, or force him into a situation where he feels he has to lie to keep me happy. As long as he’s not openly staring (that’s just rude to everyone involved) or taking it beyond simply looking I don’t think it’s a huge issue.

    I’ve had to adjust my thoughts on the subject thanks to the whole purity bag of crap handed to me for most of my life, and occasionally I still have to remind myself of the facts, but that’s not my man’s fault, and I’m not going to punish him for it!

  • Abigail Smith

    Well said, Nightshade! I agree!

  • Julia Childress

    I’m curious if Kristen is aware that there are cultures where neither sex wears much in the way of clothing. You know, the National Geographic and all of that. Somehow, they seem to get along, even in the presence of all that flesh. Yes, sex sells and is used to lure men (and women) in. However, we are surrounded by images of bare skin, and I really don’t think that children even notice unless someone gasps and gets all shrill about how sinful it is. That’ll make you sit up and take notice. I think it’s the same with men. Yeah, I’m sure there’s viewing going on, but for heaven’s sake – skin is everywhere. It’s no big deal. If you go all Carrie Nation about it, you just give it more attention that it deserves.

  • Julia Childress

    Did you read the whole blog? The way she weeds through books, magazines, mail, movies and television to try to keep her husband from seeing anything inappropriate. Her obsession with it is far more unhealthy than her husband sneaking an occasional peak at a sexy lady.

  • Mel

    I knew a Catholic couple who married in their late 30’s who pretty much did the same thing. Neither of the two of them had any privacy – they shared email passwords and presumably social media accounts. They gave a talk to our young adult group and the group realized that about 60% of us would be terminated with cause if we shared our work email passwords with our spouses.

  • Nightshade

    It took some time to change my attitude about it. I realized that just because a man looks doesn’t mean he even wants to touch, that obsessing about every glance is indeed obsessive, and that obsession would destroy a relationship given enough time. A person-male or female-can’t help what they notice, has little if any control over whether what they see looks good, but has control over his or her own actions, so that’s the place to draw the line. I don’t believe in 1984-style thoughtcrime any more.

  • Abigail Smith

    Same here. I know I can trust my husband so I don’t obsess about it anymore either. The QF teachings really mess with your mind.

  • Nea

    I don’t need to know the blog to grasp that the more she freaks out, the more she’s making it tempting for her husband to look.

    Also – he’s a grown-ass man! It’s creepy to mother your own husband!

  • Nea

    Y’know what REALLY helps with controlling lust? Every time?

    Not treating 90% of everything involving the human body as obscene.

  • Astrin Ymris

    Dear Kristen Clark: Maybe that couple is simply free from the cage of manufactured terrors about sex and thoughtcrime which occupy your every waking moment.

  • Allison the Great

    It’s good that you brought up the subject of “mothering one’s husband” because that’s what so many of these anti-feminist sites bitch about. They go on and on about not letting a man lead or emasculating him and blah blah blah.

  • Allison the Great

    Kristen is one of those humble-brag girls that runs Girl Defined.

    In that blog post, there was a lot of judging things she saw in other people’s houses. Who the fuck does that shit? Who goes to someone’s house and takes a tally of all the sinful or tempting things that are in there? Holy shit, Kristen, get a grip and mind your business! Who cares if there are supermodels on another couple’s TV? Most men don’t freak out when they see things like that. Most men can handle themselves better than the overgrown children that are in the Quiverful movement.

  • Nea

    And then emasculate him themselves if he doesn’t fit a rigid gender role.

  • Karen the rock whisperer

    Sorry, I don’t get this passion about the exposure of human flesh. In his 20s, Husband had a subscription to Playboy. He canceled it after he got bored with the unreality of it. He definitely appreciates the sight of a beautiful woman — using his standards, which are different from Hollywood’s — but Photoshopped beauties don’t impress him. I have never, ever, understood what is wrong or evil or whatnot about his interest in looking at women. He is a cis het human male. They do that. He’s not touching; he has far too much integrity to cheat on his marriage. So, what’s the effing problem???

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    Goes hand in hand with assuming that just because you think a certain way that all others of your gender must think that way also. And if they don’t it’s because they’ve got something wrong with them. Not that your belief might be due to flawed ideas.

  • ChrisFromNewEngland

    My reply, which I’m sure won’t make it past moderation:

    While God certainly doesn’t take pleasure in our suffering, I think He may allow us to go through trials to strengthen our faith and to offer fellowship to those in similar predicaments. I think that’s why the Holy Spirit may have moved upon Paul to call out the legalistic “dogs” in Philippians. Paul was the “Pharisee of Pharisees” and as such he knew the methodologies and motivations of people like them. He knew that many of them were about making their cogregants as afraid, jaded, and sexually repressed as they were. It’s no different now. This is what happens when you’re taught that your God-given sexuality is a constant source of trial and tribulation when you’re single. Those distortions become obsessions and everything is hypersexualized. Bill Gothard did that for years, and now he’s paying the price.

  • Kitty

    Because of your comment, I read that post and the comments on it. OMG, it’s comedy gold! I don’t think I would brag that my husband is constantly fighting the compulsion to whip out his penis in public. The struggle is real, I suppose.

  • ChrisFromNewEngland

    Birds of a feather. He was more than likely raised in hypersexualized Purity Idolatry too, so in his fractured mind, she’s doing him a favor.

    I wonder which one of them makes it to the shower first when they both go running for it after sex.

  • MizzKittay

    NIKE!!!!!!!!!!

  • B.E. Miller

    Or maybe that couple likes to engage in some sort of RPF fantasy play. She pretends he looks like Chris Evans, and he pretends she looks like Scarlett Johansson.

  • Astrin Ymris

    Or maybe they can go the Tom Hiddleston/Jaime Alexander route.

  • Aloha

    In my case, the odds are against me. I’ll never convince my husband that I’m the most attractive woman on the planet … however, our relationship isn’t built on my beauty.

    You’d think Christian families would be even more conscious of that than secular folks.

  • Aloha

    Luckily, he can access porn at work.

  • Melody

    Maybe because she lives in a different world? Or because a picture on a magazine cover doesn’t have a whole lot to do with her relationship at all?

  • Anonyme

    I especially “liked” the part about avoiding restaurants that have “immodest” waitresses.

    “Honey, let’s go to that new Mexican place tonight!”
    “Sorry, Husband. We can’t go. I heard that there are waitresses there who don’t hide their shame.” 😛

  • Anonyme

    NIKE!

  • texassa

    I wonder what this author feels she gains from writing a piece like this? A nice self pat on the back? Some pats on the back from like-minded others? General moral superiority? There’s no tone of love, wisdom, or even a stab at advice in this piece. It’s just an immature, self-righteous exercise by someone with too much time on their hands and too much admiration for themselves. It’s about the behavior I’d expect from a snot-nosed teenager, likely hammered out on a keyboard by a middle-aged stay-at-home mom.

  • texassa

    Marriage is based on sex, after all, don’t you know? -Learned from watching many episodes of the Duggars

  • texassa

    Agree. The way these people sexualize everything – especially their own small and infant children – is disgusting.

  • texassa

    My fiance lives in the real world and sees all kind of women throughout the day – friends, people in the grocery store, joggers, actresses on TV, etc. None of that has anything to do with me or our relationship. He loves me because of the person I am and the relationship we’ve built together. Yes, he’s attracted to me too, but relationships aren’t just about sex here in the real world. Seeing a fitness model on a magazine cover isn’t sexual. Seeing an actress on television isn’t sexual. Seeing a female swimmer competing in the Olympics isn’t sexual. It’s just life here on Earth.

  • texassa

    What kind of grown-ass woman calls herself a “girl?”

  • texassa

    While I do think that this person is 99.9% insane, I will concede that I will not go to “brestaurants” like Hooters, Tilted Kilt, Twin Peaks, etc. It has nothing to do with averting my man’s eyes. I simply will not use my money in support of such a tacky business that intentionally demeans the value of women and girls in our society.

  • Abigail Smith

    Your marriage is off to a good start already! Good luck!

  • Abigail Smith

    None of the QF/CPM actually involves real love or real kindness or real grace

  • texassa

    Thank you!!!

  • Allison the Great

    She’s giving advice to tween and teens.

  • texassa

    Yeah, I’m not convinced that’s true. They talk about post-high school and being of marriage age, etc. Children under 18 years old can be girls. Age 18 and over are women. It’s silly to call grown women “girls.” It’s diminishing and sexualizing and disrespectful. Even to yourself. Adults are women, not girls.

  • gimpi1

    Perhaps the wife in question is both secure in her relationship and trusting of her husband, and is not obsessive about a little skin, like, oh, I don’t know, me?

    Not everyone is an obsessive prude. My husband and I have gone to some friends hot-tub party, clothing optional. We’re still fine. Perhaps you should get relax a bit about things no one in their right mind would worry about?

  • gimpi1

    Exactly. Well-said, Anonyme.

  • gimpi1

    There isn’t a problem. And it’s hard to write a blog-post about no problem. So, if you need to produce a blog-post, you have to make up a problem. Magazine-covers? Waitress’s uniforms? TV? Movies? Whatever… if you need to work yourself up about something to hustle up page-hits, you can.

  • Allison the Great

    Fair point. I saw some of the posts that are anti-feminism and all that, but I never read the ones that were about marriage. I have seen that a lot of their commenters are in high school.

  • Steph Lane

    I point out my favorite celebrity “body crushes” because I enjoy their accomplishments and I gather inspiration from them. I’m usually horrified when my husband thinks they are too thin/too fat/not beautiful. Does it make me sad/insecure when he sees someone that I think is more attractive than me or comments on a pretty lady, sure. But he reminds me in the same breath that his dick is not a magnetic force that will cause him to run up into the next pair of legs because I had to explain to him how I was raised, in this stupid mindset of insecurity despite being told to “put your faith in God.” It’s this stupid deluded way of thinking that made me think I wasn’t worth anything, that marriage was all just about sex, that caused issues in the marriage. NOT a strange woman!

    Those quiver-full boys are trained that if they aren’t careful they will accidentally rape someone.

  • Anonyme

    I’d like to think that Kristen objects for that same reason (though her behavior is still controlling) but I have a feeling that her idea of “immodest waitress” is “shows a 1/4 of cleavage”.

    Also, I the only ‘Twin Peaks’ I knew about was the TV show, until I watched ‘Undercover Boss’ which followed the CEO in one episode.

  • Anonyme

    I love all the defensive retorts to the few voices of reason in the post. “Monitoring the mail/TV/etc. isn’t controlling! We’re just helping our husbands with their weaknesses so they can fight temptation!” (to paraphrase).

    BS.

  • texassa

    She explicitly explains that the danger in women on a magazine cover is that they defraud husbands and innocent children, not that they diminish the perception of women and girls in our society. If anything, I’d say her over-sexualized view of women is damaging to the perception of women and girls too.