Answering Quiverfull: Wifely Submission and the Flanders Family

Answering Quiverfull: Wifely Submission and the Flanders Family February 6, 2016

AnsweringQuiverfullby Vyckie Garrison founder NLQ

Editor’s note: This bit is featuring the disingenuous Flanders Quiverfull family that attempted to pass themselves off as normal Christians on the same Al Jazeera show that had Vyckie on last night. Shared from Vyckie Garrison’s Facebook page.

Here are a couple examples of Doug and Jennifer Flanders’ marriage advice … not on the same level as the jerk at Biblical Gender Roles or Debi Pearl’s “Created to Be His Help Meet,” but male headship/female submission is definitely being promoted as the biblical model for marriage.

Quote from Jennifer: “I hurt for any wife in your situation. Sin stinks. And it breaks God’s heart. These Jekyll & Hyde mood swings were never part of God’s perfect plan for marriage, nor do they accurately reflect Christ’s love for us.

“Even so, you can still glorify God in the way you respond to the circumstances in which you find yourself. You can still grow and mature in Christ in the midst of it. And you can still have a happy, solid marriage, despite your husband’s volatile moods — but that happiness will hinge on your attitudes and reactions.

“If you haven’t already done so, I’d encourage you to commit pertinent Bible verses to memory and draw strength from them when the going gets tough.”

All quotes from Doug Flanders blog posting ‘What To Do When Your Wife Won’t Sleep With You’

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NLQ Recommended Reading …

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  • SAO

    So, you can have a happy, solid marriage if you just think that accepting unacceptable behavior from your husband glorifies God. Obviously, God doesn’t want jerks to ever be told they are jerks, because God loves jerks more than He loves women?

  • Mirella222

    I read the actual post, and the advice is (surprisingly) not completely awful. He acknowledges that there are lots of reasons women might not want sex (too tired from housework/childcare, feeling unattractive, trust issues), and what can be done to help (get help around the house, show/tell her how attractive you find her, communicate about trust and insecurities). I also like that he acknowledges that a wife not having sex does NOT make it okay to cheat on her and that it is something to work through together.

    Now, with regards to the quoted part here: if someone is having huge mood swings, that is not a good sign. You might want to go to a doctor and see if this is bipolar disorder or some other form of mental illness, and seek out the medication, therapy, or other method to deal with the issue. If this is NOT mental illness, and really is the person just lashing out and being a jerk, then some boundaries need to be set up right away. You have to insist on being treated with a certain base level of respect. If your partner cannot meet the bare minimum of giving you basic respect that is due to any human being, it might be time to consider marriage counselling, or leaving the relationship for your own well being (also, in my experience, a lot of people clean up their act when their partner makes it clear that the alternative is a divorce. That is not to say that considering divorce will magically change a person, but many people take their marriage for granted, and will put in effort to fix it if they realise that they might really lose their partner).

  • Julia

    I wanted to see this so badly and didn’t know it was coming on last night! Is there a way we can see it somewhere?!

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Once Al Jazeera uploads it on YouTube and their site we’ll embed it here. Be prepared. Nancy Campbell was all sorts of scary and off putting.

  • Julia Childress

    I was delighted that Nancy looked and sounded like a slightly demented leprechaun or something (no intent to insult leprechauns; that’s just what popped into my head as soon as she started talking). I was also delighted that Vyckie was able to explain the real purpose of Quiverfull.

  • Nea

    Nancy Campbell was on? Please tell me that someone publicly asked her what happened to those missing kids!

  • Julia Childress

    Actually, they brought out that she and her husband have 6 children of their own and four adopted. They showed a family photo with several dozen people of various generations, and there were several people that looked like they were African or African-American. There was no mention other than that.

  • Wookie Monster

    Damn, when I saw the headline, I thought this post was going to be about Ned Flanders.

  • Poster Girl

    Me too. And I scratched my head, thinking, aren’t they more run-of-the-mill perky annoying evangelicals? After all, they have only the two kids and attend the same church as the Simpsons.

  • BlueVibe

    Honest to goodness, I saw that headline and was thinking Ned and Maude Flanders, and was all set to go, “Yeah, well, they may have been cheesy Christian parodies, but Ned isn’t a domineering jerk.”

  • Vaughn Ohlman

    Ummmm… I think you have gotten the link wrong or something. The link you posted goes to something that Doug, not Jennifer, wrote, and I can’t find the part you quoted. I searched through both the post and the comments.

  • Hi, Vaughn! Didn’t I meet you at a homeschooling conference a couple of years ago? I think you and your daughter spent some time talking with my husband at our book table. The quote in the above article actually came from this post: http://lovinglifeathome.com/2015/07/16/qa-i-feel-like-im-living-with-jekyll-hyde/ . I don’t know why it was attributed to Doug’s article. Hope you and your family are well.

  • Vyckie has links posted on her Facebook page. That’s how we got to see the program, since we don’t get cable. We had a vested interest in watching, as we were interviewed on the show, as well (although I’m a little baffled as to why the editor above would call us disingenuous). Thanks, Vyckie, for providing a way for us to see the entire program. 🙂 Al Jazeera typically uploads just a 5-minute summary to their website. The video files are broken into three parts. You’ll need to click to expand Vyckie’s original post if you want to view them all: https://www.facebook.com/vyckieg/posts/10152889124563039?

  • Vaughn Ohlman

    Hello Jennifer,
    Yes, we are well. And yes, we met at a homeschool conference. If I remember correctly we traded books for reviews. (I wrote mine. I think your husband is still working on his review of my book 🙂 ) I comment from time to time on his blog.
    We are indeed well. We now have five married children and five grandchildren… two humanized by NARAL and three not yet humanized by NARAL.
    Are you all going to any more bookfairs?

  • Vaughn Ohlman

    Ah, that post makes a lot more sense of the above quote. Great post. God bless.

  • Vaughn Ohlman

    This quote was misattributed and actually belongs to this post:
    http://lovinglifeathome.com/2015/07/16/qa-i-feel-like-im-living-with-jekyll-hyde/