by Stephane Singletary from Purposeful and Meaningful – What To Do When You Are Married To An Unbelieving Husband
Editor’s note: What?!? So not only are you supposed to endlessly submit to a guy that isn’t living the same way you are but now you’re supposed to also go along with him and have no opinions or disagreements on day to day life? It sounds almost as though what’s being advocated is worshiping your husband and turning him into the center of a cult of two people, him as the sacred leader/idol and you, the only worshiper/servant. This is not how emotionally healthy marriages function no matter what this woman says. This is not how respect between spouses works.
There was constant tension in our home. He was always fussing at me about our household finances. He saw the glass half empty; I saw the glass half full. I believed that God could move mountains and provide all our needs.
But he saw only the low balances in our checking account and the numerous bills that came each month. He saw no way out except through hard work and cutting expenses. I just wanted to pray and believe. This created a constant battle in our marriage.
One day, during a prayer group I belonged to I poured out my heart to my fellow sisters. I told them of the struggle we were having and asked for prayer, for myself and my husband.
One of my sisters took my hand and said, “Make what is important to him important to you.”
She explained that our husbands, no matter where they are in life, need us to recognize what is important to them, and we, as Christian wives need to respect whatever that may be. Her words cut me to the core.
Just as the scripture says we are to be of “one mind” with our husbands. Some versions have the word “like-minded”.
What is important to your husband?
Is it finances?
Is it his career?
Whatever it is, we must, as Christian wives, align ourselves with them and make what is important to them, important to us. Philippians 2:3.
We are to “let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind, let each esteem others better than himself.” We are to esteem our husbands better than ourselves. This means that we are going to have to let go of what we want and pick up what they desire.
This means that we are going to have to let go of the struggle to be ‘right’.
Your husband needs to see Jesus. He needs to see the light of the gospel of grace in his life.
When we allow our wants and our needs get in the way of his, we block out the light of Jesus.
Jesus laid down all that He had for you, and for your husband. He was willing to put on the flesh because you were important to Him. Your husband needs to see that example lived through you.
When we desire a situation to be resolved or to be better, we have to be the first ones willing to change.
This is hard to do, take it from someone who understands and has walked this way before, it won’t be easy. Being of one mind means that we no longer fight against them, but we now agree to fight alongside them. Your unbelieving husband needs to see and experience Christ Jesus for himself. He needs to see the sacrifice of Christ, and it all begins with you.
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