Quoting Quiverfull: Giving Gifts Dulls Appreciation For ‘Everlasting Gifts’?

Quoting Quiverfull: Giving Gifts Dulls Appreciation For ‘Everlasting Gifts’? March 7, 2016

quotingquiverfullby Melissa from Progressive Quiverfull – Reason for the Season

Editor’s note: This is another distinctive of so many Quiverfull or Fundamentalist families, the belief that celebrating holidays the way everyone else does is somehow a sin. While everyone is free in this country to do as they please in regards to holidays and religions sometimes the reasons they do it strain incredulity. Commercialism may be rampant in some holidays but there are better reasons to not participate than that. We’re only a week or so from St. Patrick’s Day and Easter is at the end of the month. How did your holidays change going into Quiverfull and after you’ve left? What do you think?

This is my first Christmas with our newly-blended family. My two children, Matilda and Rylee (boy and girl ages 7 and 5 respectively), have had a hard time understanding why they both now do not recieve Christmas presents… And why there is no decorated tree in the house.

Being as young as they are, they will adjust. But DH and I did have to sit down and explain to them that they actually have recieved a significant present this year: A whole new father, 8 new siblings, and a completely new family and home.

I made the mistake of giving my little ones materalistic things that have dulles their appreciation of life’s everlasting gifts: Love and family.

I kind of feel some guilt… DH’s children have never been entranced by this seductively-glittering tree, and celebration, of commercalism.

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, cultural enforcers, want-to-be cultural enforcers and those that seek to keep women submitted to men and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Nea

    So I was right. Her kids do notice that Christmas was taken away from them and feel punished that they can’t have any part of it — not even the parts that are equally shared like decorations and family feasts. With a heaping helping of guilt ladled onto them for viewing their mother’s choices (in which they had no input) as children who were dragged into this instead of as adults choosing it for themselves.

    Is there any contact between the kids and Melissa’s parents? The people who do celebrate Christmas and who believe strongly in the vote (yeah, I read that post too)? Or has Melissa cut off contact to preserve religious purity? She’ll almost have to to keep the old kids from remembering life before DH or letting the new kids know that there’s life outside daddy’s isolationism.

  • Saraquill

    Getting tossed headlong into a household they didn’t choose, and in which they are outnumbered is a misery I’m familiar with. Forcing the kids to feign happiness and love for the new people will increase resentment.

  • FrequentFlyer

    Ok Quiverfull people, just admit the truth. You don’t celebrate becuse you can’t afford presents and nice holiday dinners for your eleventy hundred children. We all know the truth, so you can stop pretending it’s for spiritual reasons. Plenty of people celebrate normally without going overboard with the commercialism.

  • Melody

    Those poor kids. And who says that appreciating worldly, earthly, actual gifts does not mean that one doesn’t appreciate higher heavenly ones? Surely both are possible. They are little kids! Of course, they like presents and twinkely lights. It would be just as easy to say that the light represents Jesus, God, hope etc. and use it as a example for a spiritual message. It’s all a little Spartan to me but, of course, martyrdom will gain them brownie points.

    We never had a Christmas tree (since it had pagan roots, perhaps even literally 😉 ) which meant I only enjoyed the one at school or at friends’ even more. At school we usually celebrated Christmas at the school itself, but this one year it was at a local church. Not the one we went to, of course, so my parents wouldn’t go, nor let me. I was so heartbroken as it promised to be a much greater and cooler Christmas celebration than the ordinary ones, better music and a play too. Fortunately, I was very lucky as my grandma was a little less strict and she thought it would be fun to go. She didn’t have such qualms about being at a chuch you don’t completely agree with. So at the last minute I still got to go. There was a huge beautiful Christmas tree that I couldn’t stop looking at 🙂 and it was loads of fun.

  • Julia Childress

    Somehow I think the benefits of getting a strict new dad and having to share your mom with eight new kids will be lost on Melissa’s poor children. Sounds like she has swallowed the cult hook, line and sinker. In 10 or 15 years they will be on websites such as this trying to recover from damage their well-meaning mother did to them.

  • Edie Moore McGee

    Translation: Kids, we can’t afford gifts this year. Too many new family members. We had to cut costs somewhere.

  • Astrin Ymris

    Re: “…Being as young as they are, they will adjust…”

    Translation: After a few years of shamings for having ordinary, innocent desires and intensive brainwashing religious training, they’ll have damn well learned to “keep sweet” and not express any feelings Mommy and Stepdaddy don’t like.

  • Abigail Smith

    That’s EXACTLY what I thought….

  • BridgetD

    QF people always strike me as cheap under the guise of humble. Not just with holidays and gifts, but in every aspect of their lives. Maybe I’m being overly judgmental, but my time spent with Christians (some QF, some not) has made me feel like most of them wouldn’t spend money on their children or anyone else even if they had it.

  • BridgetD

    My heart breaks for them.

  • BridgetD

    :-/ Poor kids. This whole situation must be absolutely crushing their spirits about now.

  • Nightshade

    ‘DH’s children have never been entranced by this seductively-glittering tree, and celebration, of commercalism.’ So they’ve been kept totally isolated? Never set foot in a store, or outside their own front door in December?…or the last half of November for that matter.

  • June, if you’re talking Hobby Lobby!

  • Allison the Great

    Sometimes I wonder if the aim of a fundamentalist Christian is to make their lives and the lives of the people around them as unenjoyable as possible.

    As for those poor kids? I don’t think that getting a new puritanical asshole of a stepfather is a gift, or at least, it’s a really horrible one. I think the reason their mommy is in Quiverful in the first place is because she was desperate for a daddy for her two kids. While it’s understandable to want one’s kids to have a father in their lives, it’s wise to find someone who doesn’t drag them into a miserable cult like Quiverful. And yes, Melissa, it is a fucking cult.

    I think this quote fits this situation perfectly.

  • Julia Childress

    Same here. Amid the dark memories of my upbringing in a family that morphed from merely conservative Christian to full-on fundy, are the wonderful memories of holidays. We never stopped doing Christmas and the Easter bunny, and I’m so grateful for that. We knew that Santa and the rabbit were just pretend, but 50+ years later, I can still feel the joy those holidays brought.

  • Anonyme

    This woman and her new hubby sound like Dementors, sucking the joy out of everything.

    Growing up in a family of seven, we didn’t have a lot of expensive or fancy presents, but our parents got us things they thought we’d like, and there was always a Christmas tree and lights and ornaments my siblings and I made ourselves (usually out of salt dough) 🙂 . It was fun and made a lot of great memories over the years.

  • Nonsanta Maria

    My parents wouldn’t spend money on us unless they absolutely had to. Every penny they did spend came accompanied with a good dose of misery and complaining about how they “gave us too much”.

    I think they considered it virtuous to deny us things just for the sake of it. They aren’t QF, just Fundagelical.

  • Nightshade

    True. One could argue that craft/DIY stores have to do holiday sales ahead of time so customers have time to make whatever gifts or decorations they plan, and that is true, some extra lead time is needed, but that far ahead? Commercialism much?

  • Allison the Great

    Michaels gets it in August.

  • Nightshade

    Dementors? Bring out the emergency chocolate stash!

  • BridgetD

    My parents were Catholic, and unfortunately they had the opposite problem :-/. They have no money sense, but at the least they don’t resent spending money on others (particularly family, but also acquaintances and strangers), even if it has come back to bite them many times before.

  • Nea

    I wish it were just that, but apparently just wanting prettiness around you and some songs is too much to ask too. Paper snowflakes and caroling along to the radio are free.

  • Nea

    Or people running hot and cold like the Duggars, who brag about wearing used clothing and also own multiple personal airplanes.

  • Nea

    Dementors — what a great analogy!

  • Michelle Singleton

    We got nasty used underwear from the thrift store for christmas. Every fraking year.
    There’s a reason I don’t go to Goodwill, thrift stores, or consignments.

  • Joy

    Those poor, poor kids. Adjusting to a blended family, especially one where it’s the two of them versus eight others, is going to be rough enough without having to adjust to a cult too.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    LMAO! So she really was hacked and it wasn’t the usual fundamentalist immaturity of claiming hacking when outed for nasty behavior? I stand corrected. You know who else in that sphere of too concerned about modesty that got hacked? – Adam Gregorian Is This Modest got hacked by some ISIS group. http://isthismodest.com/

  • Nea

    There is a special place in hell for adults who give kids underwear for Christmas.

  • Nea

    It seems like a good moment to point out that Jesus not only got multiple presents for his first Christmas, they were extremely valuable presents from extremely important people.

  • KarenH

    LOL. And please, talk to us when those 8 kids are grown ups with kids of their own. If they STILL aren’t putting up Christmas trees, then she can crow about it.

    In the meantime, I predict that at least 2 of that brood will head for the hills at their very first opportunity.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    I don’t want to keep feeding her ego/martyr complex.

  • Liz V.

    OMG! How horrible!

  • Liz V.

    I feel so horrified by this. One of the greatest joys of life to me is in giving and celebrating and making things beautiful. To reduce the suffering of others.

    What are you left with if you are taught that generosity is a sin? One, you learn to lie. Two, you learn to be selfish, cold and grasping. These parents are creating suffering for all their children and themselves. They don’t need a future hell. They are making one right here on earth.

  • pinkie

    Also funny is when ISIS gets hacked themselves. There was something about their websites being replaced with ads for Viagra, and something else about sneaking in recipes for cupcakes.

  • Michelle Singleton

    When people talk about donating clothes to a charity or giving to friends/family I make sure to tell people NOT to send underwear. Lightly used bras are one thing, but panties? Just, don’t.
    My girls get underwear for Christmas because it’s on sale, which is a plus when they have growth spurts. LOL

  • AnonCar

    I think it depends on how it is done. I know people who do the fun presents as being from “Santa” and are wrapped under the tree while the stockings have socks/underwear/small little things that don’t totally suck and their kids actually *like* that set-up. I also know my sister tries to get her kids each 1 fun, 1 need, 1 want, 1 something I forget present – again so Christmas is both exciting and practical. If someone’s getting their kids *just* socks and underwear though: that’s just cold. Around here we have the Five Below stores (everything is $5 or less), and there are plenty of things in there that would make great, inexpensive gifts. I sent my sister a picture of the desktop drum set they had a while back as a gift suggestion for her two year-old.

  • AnonCar

    If you’re going to hack a religious-based site and flood it with recipes, at least post offensive recipes. For the Quiverfull blogs I recommend anything with alcohol and decadent chocolate or cream-based ingredients, beer bread recipes, or anything based off The Great Gatsby. I’m going to take a stab in the dark here and say French cookery would work well here. For ISIS sites, I have to recommend bacon themed or alcoholic cocktail recipes, or maybe even a nice mince pie.

  • Nonsanta Maria

    Basic clothing from parents is not a gift. It’s a requirement of having children. If you have children, you are required to clothe them. It’s an obligation. When our children are older, we will gift them clothing that they would like (expensive brands, whatever’s trendy), but right now, clothing is not a gift. I wish more parents would understand this. Of course, that doesn’t apply to friends and other family members who buy my children clothes.

  • AnonCar

    “Basic clothing from parents is not a gift. It’s a requirement of having children.”

    I don’t disagree with that at all. The other night my husband and I witnessed a refugee family buying food and underwear for their two small children. Nothing in what they were purchasing was for mom and dad (other than sharing the food). Both of us were furious at the person in line behind us who was upset over these people buying basic necessities FOR THEIR CHILDREN with the assistance cards they were provided when they got here. Those parents were doing what they could to take care of their kids first and foremost, to the point of not even having weather appropriate clothing for themselves, and even today all I can think is how dare someone begrudge them the chance to keep their children safe and fed and clothed. Boils the blood. In that kind of case, I kind of think clean, new underwear (and the gumballs they got out of the machine) were a kind of gift that wasn’t necessarily a bad one. The whole family was wearing donated clothing, but mom and dad made sure the two kids were going to go to whatever temporary housing that night with brand new, colorful children’s underwear while Mom and Dad didn’t even have proper coats for our winter (shortsighted a bit on the charity front I think).

    I’ll grant that my parents never did socks or underwear as Christmas presents. The people I mentioned earlier definitely don’t either. There are still toys and crayons and hair googabs and games to open up on Christmas morning and birthdays. If all a kid is getting for those occasions are basic necessity clothing (or those occasions are the only time those basic necessities are provided) – THAT is a problem. But if it’s done as a matter of toys/games/fun stuff/fun stuff/fun stuff, oh and another package of socks that are the kind you like, I don’t think that’s as objectionable.

  • AnonCar

    I didn’t realize any consignment or charity shops took in used underwear. That’s…icky.

  • pinkie

    Huh. Now I’m going to have to invent a recipe for SnoBalls. Chocolate cupcake, cream filling, a jar of marshmallow fluff, and a bag of coconut. It may not look as pretty as the real thing, but I bet it’s going to taste all right.

    Oh yeah. Found a link. Somebody gave ISIS a couple of particularly decadent-sounding cupcake recipes from Ellen DeGeneres (how awesome is that?!)

  • Lucy

    Y’all know it’s a fake blog made just to play with freejinger, right?

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    well… there is some debate about that considering the only evidence of that is a thread at Free Jinger. whoever is behind it, real or fake, has been trying really really hard since December to get Vyckie Garrison to react. I personally think the person behind the blog is a sick sick freak, real or fake.