Quoting Quiverfull: Part 2 – Any Other Man’s Attention Wrecks Your Marriage?

Quoting Quiverfull: Part 2 – Any Other Man’s Attention Wrecks Your Marriage? March 25, 2016

quotingquiverfullby Becky Thompson of BeckyThompson.com – Beware of Quicksand: How One Stranger’s Comment Changed My Marriage Forever

Editor’s note: We continue on in the tale of extra-Biblicalness that claims any man looking at you or commenting or interacting with you might lead to him falling penis-first into your vagina. Again, are Evangelical Christian marriages so weak that you cannot ever risk friendship or any friendly interaction with the opposite sex? Why is it so impossible to think that some nice man realized she was having a very bad day and said something kind to her?

At first, I was flustered. “I must have looked so exhausted for that guy to think he needed to say something to encourage me.”

And then… then, I was a little flattered. “It really was nice of him to stop and say something. What a nice guy.”

And then, I looked down and realized I was standing in quicksand.

My husband didn’t have time to talk to me. Another man had noticed me. And just like that, I realized that I had been invited out onto a moment that wasn’t designed to hold any weight. I could have easily found myself sinking into a carefully placed trap of the enemy.

Because, you know, the most dangerous threats to our marriage don’t always look like steep drop off. They don’t look like a place that is obviously hazardous that we can easily avoid. Sometimes, the most dangerous threats to our marriage look like a friendship with a coworker, or church member, or that nice single dad in the car-line at school. They look like a safe unassuming kindness of a stranger in the store that makes us think that perhaps we could go back on a different day at the same time and see that nice man again.

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, cultural enforcers and those that seek to keep women submitted to men and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.

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NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

13:24 – A Story of Faith and Obsession by M Dolon Hickmon

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Allison the Great

    Some random dude being polite is not a threat to her marriage. Even her first thoughts after he said that was not “ooooh, my husband never says nice things to me, I think I want to run off and have an affair with that random dude.” Again, the fundamentalist is taking something that is extremely small and making into a huge deal.

  • JenL

    Wow, she lives a sad life.

  • Saraquill

    She needs a better support system.

  • Anonyme

    I’ve said this a lot (on here and to myself) ever since following NLQ:
    And they [Fundies] say GAYS are the ones destroying the “sanctity” of marriage?

  • Anonyme

    But some OTHER man SMILED at her and was KIND!
    Did anyone else get the feeling that Becky’s husband is actually an ass (maybe abusive in some way) and she’s just overcompensating with the “marriage is magical so that’s why it’s worth fighting for!” shtick?

  • Julia Childress

    Hmm, let’s see. Men are raised to believe they are the household gods, women aren’t allowed to express dissatisfaction, if there are problems, counseling is not allowed except for the pastor or a Christian counselor, and no matter what her talents, a woman is expected to set aside her desires in order to raise children and serve a man. This is not a formula for a fulfilling life. Rather than quicksand, I would say that a little kindness from a stranger is more like rain falling in the desert.

  • Joy

    Someone ought to tell her that men and women can interact in non-sexualised and non-romantic ways.

    I guess this means women can only give compliments to their husbands or other women, and men can give compliments only to their wives or other men?

  • Julia Childress

    In another part of the blog post, she actually apologizes to him for bothering him on the phone. Sounds like a pretty dysfunctional marriage.

  • SAO

    The stranger had nothing to do with the quicksand — her problem is her husband “didn’t have time to talk to (her)”. The stranger just pointed out what a miserable life she is leading. Hopefully, it’s a wake-up call to fix things in some way other than plastering a smile on and pretending she’s happy.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    At the end when she says that marriage is a battlefield I cannot help but think she’s in some sort of abusive marriage. Marriage isn’t a battlefield, at least most of the time. I’ve been married almost 30 years now and it’s just not true..at least for me and most of the folks I know that have been married quite a long time.

  • Allison the Great

    I wonder what kind of nightmare this woman is living in if she’s that starved for kindness. And she seems like she has Stockholm Syndrome. Someone actually treats her with kindness and she feels guilty for liking it. Something’s up with that marriage of hers if a comment from a stranger sends her running scared.

  • katiehippie

    My 22 year marriage was a battlefield but I realized it and it’s gone now.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Good that you figured out it didn’t have to be that way. I personally think that is one of the worst parts of theology that QF teaches, that if your husband is abusive or doesn’t treat you right you cannot divorce him.

  • Mel

    Simple version: No compliments to anyone ever. That’s what the FLDS did.

  • FrequentFlyer

    If women compliment other women and men compliment other men, wouldn’t they be worried about catching the gay?

  • Joy

    OOOH, yes, I forgot about that! Better to just not compliment anyone, as Mel said the FLDS does.

  • Nightshade

    Indeed. She needs to examine her marriage very closely, but not for the reasons she thinks.

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    Hah. The likelihood of that happening (the wake up call to fix in a different way) is about the same as the likelihood of me growing to 6’0″ (I’m 5’1″ and well into my adult years :P)…I mean sure if I were willing to have my legs broken repeatedly I might add a few inches – might – but I’ve learned to accept being 5’1″ and it’s a state of being that is far less harmful to me than this woman’s situation where she feels she has to pretend that her marriage is not a cesspool of awful feelings.