by Becky Thompson from Becky Thompson.com – An Honest Valentine For My Husband
Editor’s note: Digging through the archive at Ms. Thompson’s site brings up all sorts of other pieces on how marriage is a battlefield and other not so great ideas about marriage. Like this one, in which she manages to be thankful for some of the things her husband does that do not seem from here to be about her at all. Marriage really seems much more difficult, unpleasant and like a slave-master relationship inside Fundamentalist Evangelicalism.
I meant to tell you that it was really nice when you bought yourself a drink that you knew I’d like too so I could have some of it. It wasn’t like you bought me my own drink, because you weren’t sure I wanted one. But still, I felt like you remembered me that day. You weren’t with me, and you thought about me, and that made me feel special. So thanks. All the little stuff like that matters… just so you know. I notice it – even when you’re not sure I do.
I notice you too.
I know you probably feel like I look right past you when I’m busy taking care of the kids and running all over the place. Sorry. I probably do look past you some of the time… Okay, most of the time. But this is me looking at you now. This is me turning toward you and saying some of the things I should probably say more often.
Thanks – Thanks for loving me through these messy, chaotic, and yet, somehow crazy rewarding years. I’m glad we’re in all this *gestures around the room and house pointing at our kids and life and that huge pile of laundry* together. I cannot imagine running this whole show without you. I don’t ever want to have to do that.
I should also say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all the things I don’t do that I should to show you that I love you, and I’m sorry for not always giving you as much grace as I should. I get frustrated with you sometimes… mostly because I’m exhausted, and then I don’t always have the energy to correct my own feelings (Even when I know I’m wrong.) This is me admitting that I’m not always right, and saying that I’m sorry for not being more intentional. I’ll work on all of it. (Sincerely.)
And finally, this is me saying I love you. Not like when we were dating. Not like when I would send you those long text messages spilling my heart out saying things like, “You’re the first thing I think about in the morning and the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep.” None of that business.
QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, cultural enforcers and those that seek to keep women submitted to men and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.
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