Answering Quiverfull – Rehoming Adoptees

Answering Quiverfull – Rehoming Adoptees April 9, 2016

AnsweringQuiverfullby Suzanne Titkemeyer

There is something rather disturbing posted up on No Greater Joy Mom Adeye Salem’s blog. Actually, it is a bit more than disturbing, it might be dangerous and illegal in some states. Adeye is advertising another family’s adopted eight year old Ethiopian boy to anyone that wants him, like an inconvenient puppy that chews on master’s slippers and piddles on the rug. Just like someone advertising a box of kittens to the first come first serve crowd, with about as much thought and consideration as giving away a pet.

Here’s another scary fact. This isn’t even the first time Adeye Salem has done this either. She’s posted as ‘urgent need’ rehoming requests before with about the same level of regard for the child, listing them on her blog like a damaged or unwanted pet.

This is what she had to say about ‘N’, the newest child up for rehoming:

“N” is an adorable 8 year old boy (soon to be 9) who really needs a new home! “N” was adopted from Ethiopia two years ago and now lives in the US. He is in the 2nd grade.

We believe “N” would do well in a family with NO younger children and children at least 2 years older than him (so no children younger than age 11). His current family also wishes for him to find a Christian, married family.

Only two years since he was forcibly removed from his native country and entire culture, everything he knew in his life? It seems to me that two years with a new family and without anything familiar to him isn’t long enough to acclimate to anything, much less a high demand fundamentalist-evangelical Christian family. I’ve had rescue animals that have taken longer than that to be trusting and fit in with the family, so this seems like far too short of a time.

Being that the family is supposedly ‘Good Christian’ it’s likely that whatever adjustment problems ‘N’ had were not eased by any treatment or counseling from a legitimate mental health resource.

The request Adeye is making that ‘N’ not be around younger children is worrisome. What type of acting out did he do? Was there sexual abuse or violence against the younger children in the family?

“N” is generally helpful around the house and thrives on praise. He likes keeping his room tidy. He enjoys attention from others and likes animals. He likes riding his bike, playing soccer, being active, and anything creative. “N” is a quick learner and likes learning about new things. He especially appreciates hands-on activities.

“N” does struggle with making good choices sometimes. He should be the youngest child in any family. “N” will need a family with patience and time to help him continue on his healing journey.”

The description of ‘N’ seems to indicate a child that would never fit in well in any Quiverfull family. Love of learning, hands-on, attention from adults are often in very short supply in larger Quiverfull families, where many of the older children are pressed into being the primary care for their younger siblings.

But the most frightening thing about the entire underground adoptee rehoming craze is when people who should never have children, who would never pass a foster care agency or adoption agency background check, with significant challenges before adding vulnerable children into the mix, end up taking these throw-away kids. Don’t believe me? Look at what happened when Arkansas rep and Duggar family friend Justin Harris rehomed two adopted daughters – they were sexually molested by the man they were rehomed with. In the aftermath of the Harris case and many more bad outcomes from unsupervised rehoming some states are starting to examine the issue with an eye towards making it illegal.

I wish I could take Adeye for a day to the children’s residential treatment I worked at for a few years. More than 40% of the children there are international adoptions into evangelical families that have been disrupted. I would like to see her explain to an innocent child that has been plucked from everything they knew and placed into a family only to be abandoned how this is part of ‘God’s plan’ for them. I want her to look into the faces of these children who are now dealing with varying levels of mental and emotional issues and see if she could deny their humanity and their pain.

There is a high cost to treating children like possessions, like unwanted pets.  Adeye should be ashamed of herself for perpetuating the abuse of adopted children by helping rehome them.

This is the big lie of Quiverfull adoptions, that they love children so much. If you really loved your child, adopted or natural, you’d get them help with they are struggling, not kick them to the curb like so much damaged goods.

~~~~~~~~~

Suzanne Titkemeyer is the admin at No Longer Quivering. She’s been out of the Quiverfull Evangelical world for nine years now and lives in the beautiful Piedmont section of Virginia with her retired husband and assorted creatures. She blogs at Every Breaking Wave and True Love Doesn’t Rape


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