by an anonymous letter writer to Ladies Against Feminism’s Lori Alexander’s blog Always Learning – Taking Responsibility For Her Own Unhappiness
Editor’s note: This is one of those letters that makes me so sad. It’s because the letter-writer is actually swallowing the toxic advice of one of Quiverfull’s prominent cultural enforcers. This idea that women are entirely 100% responsible for their own happiness is one I’ve personally struggled with and seems to be a theme echoed in many of the life stories of our writers. This last week I wrote in my blog about this issue. Here’s the thing, we all are responsible for how we deal with our own unhappiness, just not in the way that Lori and others insist. The answer is not being more submissive and gentle, but more in finding out the source of our personal unhappiness and making legitimate changes to move into an emotionally healthier space, for us, for our own good, not to satisfy some extra Biblical doctrine. It’s hard work.
I am a 31-year old wife living with a 3-year old daughter. My husband and I have been married for four and a half years and have had a rough time from almost the day we married. I remember the few moments before I walked down the aisle; I was nervous and I thought to myself, “It’s okay if this doesn’t work out; I can always get divorced.” What a way to start out a marriage, huh? Unfortunately my parents are divorced, as well as most people in my family, and I grew up with women who were nagging wives. I grew up seeing most first marriages fall apart, but second marriages be semi-successful. I thought that was the road I was destined to take as well.
There have been lots of issues between my husband and my family, my husband and inappropriate friendships with other women friends, but the biggest issue has been my husband’s health. He has a rare form of arthritis, and also fibromyalgia and a few other autoimmune diseases that leave him in terrible pain every single day, not unlike yourself. As I’m sure you can understand, his pain makes him irritable, grumpy, distant, and cold most of the time. We go for long periods of time with no intimacy because he says it just hurts too badly and the pain pills he takes affect his hormones also, I’m sure. I’ve had to function as a single parent since our daughter was born – he can’t sit on the floor with her and play and has missed many milestones because he simply can’t get out of bed. If I need a break or a nap, I’m out of luck. Long story short, I’ve cried and nagged and been frustrated for years trying to get him to eat better, exercise more, see different doctors, be more involved in our lives, be intimate with me, be affectionate. . . .but not anymore.
QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, cultural enforcers and those that seek to keep women submitted to men and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.
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