Quoting Quiverfull: Part 2 – This is the Damage Female Cultural Enforcers do in Quiverfull

Quoting Quiverfull: Part 2 – This is the Damage Female Cultural Enforcers do in Quiverfull April 11, 2016

quotingquiverfullby an anonymous letter writer to Ladies Against Feminism’s Lori Alexander on her personal blog Always Learning – Taking Responsibility For Her Own Unhappiness

Editor’s note: Shout out to Debi Pearl in this bit. While what the letter writer is describing in her marriage sounds good, like they’ve managed to get back on track in a healthier way. Especially good is her responding in a better way to her husband’s chronic health condition. What she’s not said, only hinted at, it’s because she is submitting to her husband to an unhealthy degree and suppressing her own emotions and needs. Typical Quiverfull, fix the marriage by pretending everything is perfect once you start doing ‘Biblical submission’

As a result of reading your blog, I have a new outlook on life and a new approach in my marriage. I actually had been very familiar with Debi Pearl and all of her teachings before I was married. But when I got married and the harsh realities set in, I forgot many of those teachings and thought that what worked for some Tennessee hippies probably wouldn’t work for my marriage and they must somehow have it easier. {I still love Debi Pearl a lot but I find you and your lifestyle more relatable – we don’t all have to live in the country and wear dresses and grow herbs in order to follow God’s commands, lol}. I thought that I just married the wrong man, I screwed up my life, and I was angry with myself. I thought that I deserved to be happy and surely God didn’t want me miserable forever. But now I know that I was responsible for a lot of my own unhappiness, and now that I’m practicing what the Bible and your blog both preach, I have found so much more happiness and contentment than I ever thought possible in my situation.

I finally started looking at the good around me. My husband kisses me and tells me he loves me every day. He forgives me quickly when we argue. He never forgets a birthday or anniversary. He always assures me that he will be better one day and we will have the life we wanted. He is still able to work from home {for his family business} and I don’t have to work and can stay home with my daughter. He wants me to homeschool our daughter when she gets to school age. He wants us all to start going to church together once his pain lessens and he can sit in a pew for an hour. We live in a nice house, drive nice cars, have an over abundance of food and clothing, the list goes on. I was totally blinded to all of the good in life because I was so bitter and hurt by things that have gone on in the past. I still struggle from time to time, but instead of being mad at him every single day, it might be once a month now and I move on quickly. He sent me an email one night when I was asleep saying how happy he was with the way our relationship was going, and how he felt like he didn’t have to walk on shells anymore, and how he felt like we are a team now. He used to tell me I was terrorizing him, and I guess I was. I was just kicking him while he was down, stressing him out more, which was only making it harder to get past his pain.

Part 1

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, cultural enforcers and those that seek to keep women submitted to men and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.

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NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

13:24 – A Story of Faith and Obsession by M Dolon Hickmon

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  • Allison the Great

    I still love Debi Pearl a lot

    Why? How? Debi Pearl is a very messed up woman. I would not be surprised if there is ever a horror movie based on the Pearls. It would be something like The Hills Have Eyes but with a little bit less incest.

    Lori’s doubling down on the Submit & Stay Home message. I looked, and most of her blog posts lately have been about how all women must stay home.

  • persephone

    These are the ultimate”make do” women. I read years ago a story where an older woman told a younger woman to never be a make do woman. What that means and is a woman who settles, makes do, with whatever her husband gives her. It’s a woman who doesn’t demand her worth be recognized. These poor women are willing to take the leavings from the table, rather than to demand and receive a proper seat at the table.

    The LW is obviously not the standard, as she speaks of a nice home and cars and not having to have a job. But her husband is still using his illnesses and her faith to control his family. I had wondered how, if he were basically bedridden, that they had even met and married.

    She is now expected to home school. I doubt she gets to use the nice cars very much, except to go to church and shopping. This is one more way for her husband to keep his family at home with him as much as possible. Ugh.

  • Nea

    I’m suddenly getting images of the Comcast “settlers,” living their backwards lives while the children sneak off to neighboring houses for a taste of the 21st century. “Are we not your providers? Do we not provide this succulent jackrabbit pie? And this delicious grey water soup? And a single lick off the family lolly every harvest moon?” The letter writer is suggesting that she isn’t living like that a la Pearl… while describing living like that.

  • Mel

    Sometimes the job of a loving spouse is to support their spouse. Sometimes the job of a loving spouse is to motivate their spouse to change unhealthy ways.

    Her request earlier in the blog for her husband to see a wider range of doctors and/or get a second opinion was eminently reasonable and has the possibility of being life-changing in an extremely positive way.

    My father-in-law has RA. It’s a nasty, mean disease. There have also been major breakthroughs in methods to control the pain and disease course of RA including new classes of drugs that allow him to lead a normal life. He’s not an invalid.

  • Saraquill

    …The person quoted described the Pearls as hippies. Since when do the Pearls believe in things like peace and caring about others?

  • Julia Childress

    He has a beard, she has long hair and they grow food. I think that equals hippy in the mind of that writer.

  • Julia Childress

    I think this writer’s husband suffers from depression or some other mental health condition, but of course counseling is a no-no. All of the comments on this blog are “Lori, you’re so wonderful . . .” I would love to see some of the comments that get stopped at the door. I have left several comments (nothing disrespectful or rude, just a different point of view) and none of my comments have ever seen the light of day. Too bad that her readers might think that Lori’s answers are the best or only answers.

  • Abigail Smith


  • Julia Childress

    Thanks so much for posting this link. It’s a great review of “The Handmaid’s Tale” and an overall really good blog. I’ll have to add this to my list of regular blog reads.

  • TLC

    “now that I’m practicing what the Bible and your blog both preach”

    Debi Pearl’s blog and the Bible being held in equal esteem and importance. This is worse than I ever imagined. Does this mean she thinks Debi is “inerrant”, too?!?

  • pl1224

    I was just about to say the same thing.