Answering ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’ – How Do I Let Him Know I Don’t Like Him Anymore?

Answering ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’ – How Do I Let Him Know I Don’t Like Him Anymore? June 15, 2016

AnsweringAnother installment of giving better answers to the questions asked at Debi Pearl’s site message board for the book ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’. Many young ladies ask questions on all sorts of different subjects brought up by the book. There was just one big problem, many of the answers stray into either the outright bad and emotionally unhealthy to dangerous. Yes, typical Debi Pearl borderline abusive. Here’s what we’re going to be doing here at NLQ. Every week, once or twice a week, I’ll be posting up one of the questions from the message board and ask you, our readers, to answer that poor soul’s question in a way that is logical,  rational and the best possible solution, in other words 180 degree turn from Debi and friends answers. As always all spelling and grammar in the posting is unchanged from the original author.

How do I let him know I don’t like him anymore?

Hi!  I’ll try to word this so it makes sense.

I have been friends with this one guy since we were really little, and I think we always liked each other. We told each other once when we were little that we liked each other, but we never held hands or hugged or anything-just focused on being friends. Now that we are older (we are both almost 17), getting closer towards the age where people start getting more serious, it’s a little bit different now. I think he is starting to like me in a more serious way, and not just a crush. We no longer live near each other anymore, so we don’t really communicate much.

The only problem is…since we’ve been apart (almost a year now), I have realized that I don’t really like him anymore. Now I just think of him more as a brother. He is a really steady man, and I’m sort of a mix between a dreamer and a go-to gal.  He is more of a careful guy, and likes to take life slowly, and is content with just staying put. I have come to realize that I would never really be content living that type of lifestyle, and might even find it difficult to submit to him in some ways. I haven’t seen him for almost a year now, so I haven’t really been able to talk to him. I’m really good friends with his sister, and she is aware of the fact that I don’t like him anymore, but I’m not sure how to tell him. I know it would probably rock his world a little bit, but I also do not want to be unintentionally leading him on. He is also currently saving up to come visit me in the future.

Does anyone have any advice for me? I feel really bad about the whole thing, and I’ve talked to my parents and friends, and they aren’t exactly sure what to do about it either.

Is there really any genuine indication here that he views her as a serious spousal contender or is this just old friends staying in touch? Advice given was to send him a letter spelling out her lack of feelings or maybe getting his sister to break the news. What would you advise?

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  • texassa

    Send him an email saying exactly what you’ve expressed here: you really value the friendship, and you know that when you both were young you shared feelings of interest, but now you are only interested in a friendship. And while you would love for him to come visit and spend time together, you felt compelled to give him a heads up about your feelings so that he would not be disappointed and feel like it was a wasted trip. Turning someone down is never fun, but it’s the right thing to do. And it doesn’t have to be a huge deal. You said it yourself, you haven’t spent time together in a year, and you aren’t and have never been a couple. You don’t owe him anything. Give yourself a break.

  • TLC

    If she hasn’t seen this guy in a year and they don’t communicate much, why is she even worried about this?

  • KarenH

    Probably because he’s saving up money to come visit her. If I were her, I’d want to (but dread) telling him how I felt before he spent that money.

  • Jennifer Frieda

    “It’s not that complicated”—bwahaha!! Tell Daddy to man up and decide for you, that way telling this guy what’s going on will be HIS job instead of yours. Plus you get all that practice submitting to something you may or may not like.

  • AuntKaylea

    “Dear friend,

    Maybe if we had hugged or held hands when we were younger I would have realized sooner that my feelings for you are only the type of affection one has for a friend or brother. I hope that you will use the money you are saving to further your education, get a better job, and meet the girl of your dreams.


    Starved for affection”