by Mel cross posted from her blog When Cows and Kids Collide
All quotes from the book are in blue text.
There are just a handful of quotes left from the Boys in Chapter Nine. What I can’t get over is how similar each of the guys’ complaints about women is.
Overarching Themes:
What’s good for the gander is unacceptable for the goose…..
From “Jack, inventor”
“I once had a long, tedious conversation with a girl who essentially introduced herself as the kind of person who read the dictionary from cover to cover, presumably because she thought this incredible feat made her seem intelligent. When I admitted that I had never read through an entire reference book, she simultaneously bragged and lamented that guys didn’t like talking to her because they thought she was “too smart”.
She must have noticed my increasing discomfort, because she pointed out that she was smarter than me, and asked why that bothered me. I found it difficult to politely explain that her intelligence was not what was bothering me. Looking back, I think she probably was smarter than me, but that didn’t stop her from doing dumb things, like bragging about reading dictionaries cover-to-cover or trying to bully guys into feeling guilty about not liking her.
Given half a choice, I’d much rather spend time with people who are smarter than I am. Dumber people are far less stimulating, far less educational, and way harder to find. Without exception, the guys that I know will actively pursue girls who are smart, will probably put up with girls who think that they are smart, and run away from girls who define themselves as smart.” (pg. 171)
- Jack thinks this anecdote makes him seem superior to a woman. Actually, this anecdote makes him seem trite, self-important and socially impotent in one fell swoop. Ironically, the two words I use to describe this quote are long and tedious.
- The Botkin Sisters have harped on – and will continue to harp on – the importance of edifying and enlightening men in conversations. When that’s the stated goal of all conversations, why shouldn’t a girl lead off by explaining that she’s read an entire dictionary? Perhaps the girl was attempting to tell Jack that he needed to broaden his vocabulary or that Jack uses words in an inappropriate way.
- Notice that Jack never thought of changing the topic. I know that silently judging people takes a lot of mental effort, but most people would have simply introduced a new topic like hunting small game.
- The last sentence is a strange shade of Michael Pearl. The ideally intelligent woman according to James is smart, but neither thinks of herself as smart nor defines herself as smart. Good luck finding that, James.
- Corollary: How many intelligent women would want to be around James?
From “Chas, networking guru”
“Sarcasm in a woman is particularly unattractive, even to sarcastic men. The idea of spending the rest of my life in a house with a sarcastic woman is enough to drive me to take vows of lifelong celibacy. Proverbs talks about that, actually.” (pg. 175)
- Sarcastic men are unattractive as well, Chas. Sarcasm is a backhanded indirect form of anger.
- I cannot find Chas’ verse in Proverbs about sarcasm and women so the Botkin Sisters should have done a better job editing their quotations for accuracy.
This is speaking hypothetically since I’ve never actually been around a girl….
From “Jack, inventor”,
“There are many different levels of flirtation, but most guys are frustrated than flattered by conversations that exist only to be flirtatious. It’s like the female equivalent of pickup lines, or the kind of baby talk that people lapse into when around kittens – seemingly fun, then pointless, and ultimately irritating to the target. When girls want to talk to me, but will only talk about superficial things, it’s obvious that they only have a superficial interest in me. If simply “talking to a guy” seems to be more important to a girl than actually communicating with a fellow human being, it’s hard not to jump to conclusion about her motivation and maturity.” (pg. 175)
- Signs that you have never flirted with another person include believing that there are “levels” of flirtation.
- Not everyone wants to have a deep conversation every moment of the day. Not every woman is deeply interested in every man. Expecting every woman to be willing and able to jump into a deep, meaningful conversation on your terms is extremely self-centered and not Christian.
- The level of self-importance in these quotes is breathtaking. Jack – along with many of his fellow boys – cannot conceptualize that a topic that is important to a girl may seem superficial to him. Honestly, based on the limited exposure I’ve had to the Botkin Family through their books and their atrocious podcasts, I think their interest in history, art and religion is extremely superficial in spite of the sheer amount of time and energy that they claim to spend on it.
From “Robert, entrepreneur”
“Without taking the reins on a conversation, women can be very influential in its direction just by the nature of the women they are. A woman whose identity is firmly rooted in every word of God, who can’t discuss any topic without looking through a lens of biblical conviction, will have a tremendous influence on the nature of a conversation, without even thinking about it. I’ve watched conversations amongst chums turn almost 180 degrees, simply because an honorable woman stepped near the group to politely listen in. Good men, even just decent men, will raise themselves to the level of identity of the young woman in the conversation.
Every interaction inspires either good or bad works. Even if it’s “shunning”. Sisters, brothers, girls and guys, even parents, look on at the actions of young men and women in a community, and have their convictions shaken or awakened by what they see. There is no such things as being invisible, and inspiring no works at all. To not encourage, is to discourage.” (pg. 176)
- If men are the God-ordained spiritual leaders of humanity AND the CP/QF folk are the reborn spiritual prophets of the Reformation, men’s topics of conversation should be lofty, educational and edifying regardless of who is present in the room.
- Notice, yet again, the passive nature of women. A woman listens. A woman parrots Biblical truth. Women shun bad ideas and works. Women in BotkinLand never speak, lead or reprove. How dull.
- Even Rob-Bob manages to find a new way to shame women for failing to be a cheerleader since NOT ENCOURAGING => DISCOURAGING. Sorry, dude, in real-life there is the neutral option.
In the next post wins my favorite/most insane moment in the whole book…..
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Mel is a science teacher who works with at-risk teens and lives on a dairy farm with her husband. She blogs at When Cows and Kids Collide She is also an very valuable source of scientific information for us here at NLQ. Mel is also blessed with the ability to look at the issues of Quiverfull with a rational mind and break them down to their most basic of elements.
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