Quoting Quiverfull: Never Show Your Husband Negative Emotions!?

Quoting Quiverfull: Never Show Your Husband Negative Emotions!? June 1, 2016

quotingquiverfullby Lori Alexander of Always Learning – Reactions Define You

Editor’s note: For some reason Lori Alexander has taken to promoting the toxic books written by Michael and Debi Pearl. Is she trying to glom onto Debi’s female cultural enforcer power? Here she’s promoting ‘Created To Be A Help Meet’ and promoting the very toxic idea of never having negative emotions, reactions or words to your husband’s possible hi-jinks and foibles. That is a very emotionally unhealthy way to live and just leads to a nervous breakdown later. Text quoted from Debi’s book below is in red.

Next time your husband is late from work, thank him for working so hard and providing for your family. When he doesn’t help around the house, remind yourself that God calls you to be his help meet and the “keeper at home.” When he’s watching a football game, either sit down beside him and learn to enjoy it or bring him his favorite drink with a kiss. If a child turns out rebellious {pray this never happens}, know that this is the choice the child has made since we all get to choose to follow the Lord or not. Then pray daily for them to repent. If your husband doesn’t read the Word to the family, you read the Word to your children and pray with them since you have a lot more time with them than your husband does. If your husband wants intimacy, joyfully give it to him and be thankful that he desires you.

You were created to be your husband’s helper, not his conscience, not his vocation director, and certainly not his critic…When you develop an adversarial relationship with your husband, you do so on the premise that you are right and he is wrong… In thinking he is wrong and you are right, you declare yourself wiser than he, more spiritual, more discerning, more sacrificial, etc….No woman will ever have peace and joy until her mind is filled with goodwill toward her husband.* Amen.

Remember, as Debi Pearl has well said that no man has ever crawled out from under his wife’s critical thoughts and words to become a better man. If you want to reach the heart of your spouse or your child, do things like Jesus did. Give yourself away in love so that others will want what you have, and be won by your godly and joyful behavior. It starts with what you are thinking.

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, cultural enforcers and those that seek to keep women submitted to men and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.

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NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

13:24 – A Story of Faith and Obsession by M Dolon Hickmon

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Allison the Great

    “Remember ladies, you are not people, you are the help!”

  • Nea

    Question: was Lori Alexander getting anywhere near this attention online before she hitched her blog hits to controversy?

  • Mel

    As always, the proof is in the pudding. Debi’s methods of interacting with her husband helped make Mike Pearl the man he is today. That alone should cause everyone to run the hell away.

  • SAO


  • hotapplepie

    Sounds like a fail-proof method of destroying a marriage.

  • Mrs. Sunshine

    I like how we are not our husbands’ conscience but this lady is my conscience? Also, since my husband lives here and decided to have 4 babies with me he will be “helping around the house”. The next post should be a follow up to “How Not To Let Your Mental Breakdown Inconvience Your Husband”.

  • Abigail Smith

    Excellent points…Wow I never thought about it like that…she and all the cultural enforcers are trying to be OUR consciences because they are not allowed to have a say at home.

  • Kalieris

    Or destroying yourself, if the husband is an abuser and realizes that you are helpfully dehumanizing yourself so that he doesn’t have to put in the effort.

  • guest

    No, they are just playing older “Titus 2” woman. Forget that they might be younger than some readers on here.

  • guest

    Or if your husband is irresponsible, or suffers from some mental disorders that cause him to neglect his responsibilities while chasing wild dreams.
    It’s all very easy for a woman married to a successful businessman to tell all other women to be supportive of their husbands. A wife who’s seen her husband try and fail at several attempts at building a business (that he had no idea about to start with), who watches her husband discard any and all advice from people who try to help him, who watches her husband squander their money on alcohol or drugs… what is that woman supposed to do, shut up and be all sweet?
    I’d just walk out. I hope I’d have the guts to.

  • hotapplepie

    Exactly. This describes my marriage. ‘Advice’ like this helped destroy it.

  • Abigail Smith

    Good point. Either way, it’s annoying and destructive to have someone tell you what to do all the time. That’s how my parents are and continued to be with me as an adult. And of course THEY are allowed to live in their anger and “righteous indignation” but no one else is allowed to show any negative feelings.

  • guest

    Especially if that person doesn’t know your circumstances or is simply telling you what she thinks you should do, giving no consideration to the pain or destruction your circumstances may be causing you. Don’t tell a woman to stay with an abusive man and be all sweet unless you are willing to go stick it out with her. Actually, don’t tell her to stick it out. Help her out of there!
    And yes, of course they are allowed to live in their righteous indignation! Good point.

  • texassa

    If my choices were to marry a person who thought like this or never have a romantic relationship in my life, I swear to god I would choose the latter in a heartbeat and never look back.

  • texassa

    Relationships are for sacrifice and martyrdom, not happiness!

  • AuntKaylea

    So – my husband knows that I don’t do football. If he is watching football, then I fix myself my favorite drink and do my own thing. I usually go to the guest room (because I prefer it at the moment to the living room – I think it’s nicer), and watch HGTV while crafting or I read. He is happy to fix his own drink. Doing our own, independent things at time only strengthens our relationship.

    Because we had healthy conflict at one point about football season, we chose to set up our home this way, with space where each of us could relax separately, and his watching a football game is never at the expense of my preferences. And my preferences are not at the expense of his.

    I just keep thinking “no wonder I never really wanted to get married when I was in these circles”