Quoting Quiverfull: Part 3 – If Your Husband is a Jerk You Probably Caused It?

Quoting Quiverfull: Part 3 – If Your Husband is a Jerk You Probably Caused It? June 12, 2016

quotingquiverfullby Zsuzsanna Anderson from Are They All Yours? – So You’re Married to a Jerk?

Editor’s note: Last part. Zsu takes a swing at other ‘mommy blogs’, which is exactly what her site is too. Why is it that the others were all divorcing and Zsu is doubling down on the dysfunction? Swipe at psych meds? Check. But the most horrible part is bolded below. Funny how Zsu thinks you must stay married to an abuser or adulterer because if God didn’t desire you to be with him He’d kill off the bad guy.

There are several “mommy blogs” I used to read a few years ago, and when I visited them again a year or two after forgetting about them, lo and behold, they were in the midst of a divorce, or just through one. None of the cases I am thinking about right now were based on something egregious like adultery (which would still not make a divorce right), but were rather of the “he/she is a jerk and I’m sick of them”-kind. Reading about the impact these divorces have on everyone’s sanity, chiefly that of the children, is so sad I never can go back to those blogs. I have to ask myself – was it really worth it? So your husband was a jerk because he didn’t spend enough time with the kids, wasn’t funny and romantic, or bought birthday/anniversary gifts at the gas station after remembering the big day at the last minute – but why would you trade that for him never spending time with the kids, never doing anything romantic for you, and never again giving you any gifts? Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face. To top it all off, the children become depressed, suicidal, medicated, aggressive, withdrawn, and will grow up to be every bit like their parents when all is said and done, so for all that you still have to put up with all the faults you were hoping to get away from. Now you don’t just have to feel bad because of the divorce, but you can forever beat yourself up about having done this to your children.
Unlike merchandise, spouses cannot be returned for store credit. Getting a divorce used to be as unthinkable as giving your children up for adoption because you are sick of putting up with them. It’s just wrong, no matter how bad they are.
The only Biblical recourse for a horrible marriage, or any marriage for that matter, is death. If your husband is an abusive, mean, hateful, fill-in-the-blank jerk in spite of you doing your best as a wife, God can kill him whenever He wants to. If he is still alive, God must want you to still be married to him. A wife could pray and fast for her husband/marriage, and for the kids to turn out right in spite of marital problems. If nothing else, it will be a great lesson for the kids, who hopefully will grow up and make wiser and more careful choices regarding their future spouse, rather than learning that marriage can be dissolved at a whim.
QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, cultural enforcers and those that seek to keep women submitted to men and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.

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Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

13:24 – A Story of Faith and Obsession by M Dolon Hickmon


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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Nea

    Watching mom get abused, possibly killed, is “a great lesson for the kids”? Wow. Just wow.

  • Antoinette Herrera

    Shorter Zsuzsanna Anderson, The Third: Let me project all that I despise about my marriage onto you who are reading my mommy blog. And let me blame and shame you for not staying in bad marriages while I’m at it.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    I think you diagnosed it correctly. Saw this happen at my old church where three ladies stuck in hideously bad marriages decided to demand of the pastor that those of us who were divorced and remarried be kicked out of the church for being divorced in the first place. It was pretty obvious it was blaming shaming going on because they were jealous that we’d all escaped our bad marriages. The pastor ended up telling them to find a new church instead of all of us divorced folks.

  • Abigail Smith

    O.M.G. did she really say this? “If your husband is an abusive, mean, hateful, fill-in-the-blank jerk in spite of you doing your best as a wife, God can kill him whenever He wants to. If he is still alive, God must want you to still be married to him.”

    Or you can set set some healthy boundaries, like God does. ..”when he assigned to the sea its limit, so that the waters might not transgress his command,
    when he marked out the foundations of the earth, Proverbs 8:29

  • Aimee Shulman

    Sounds like SOMEONE is bitter and miserable about being married to a horrible jackass and is lashing out in impotent fury at women who managed to escape the kind of awfulness that she is permanently trapped in, trying to console herself with the thought that she might be doomed to spend the rest of her life suffering but at least those OTHER women are probably going to be punished for freeing themselves eventually.

  • hotapplepie

    The third part is the worst one. Absolutely horrible. This is so anti-God, and the opposite of what Christ stood for.
    In church this morning, the speaker talked about the love that true believers have for people. It is disheartening to say the least to see blogs like Zsuzsanna’s. I am sick of stuff like this. No love, compassion, or wisdom. She names the name of Christ but there is no evidence.

  • Emersonian

    WAIT WHUT

  • texassa

    “I have to ask myself – was it really worth it? So your husband was a jerk because he didn’t spend enough time with the kids, wasn’t funny and romantic, or bought birthday/anniversary gifts at the gas station after remembering the big day at the last minute – but why would you trade that for him never spending time with the kids, never doing anything romantic for you, and never again giving you any gifts?”

    The answer to your question is yes. Yes, it’s worth it. That is the point of divorce. They don’t want that person as their spouse anymore.

    This lady’s like, “but if you divorce him then you won’t get to be with him anymore!” Yes, lady, yes.

  • texassa

    It is a good lesson in the lord’s will.

  • Evelyn

    Number one reason I divorced the abusive rapist ex is so that my son would not grow up to think that was okay. I know it’s tough to be him on a lot of days, and to have to figure out how to navigate this as a kid, but it beats the alternative. I’m also glad that my daughter knows very solidly that if a man in her future life treats her like that, she has every right to get up and leave.

  • SAO

    If the husband is abusive, “it’s a great lesson for the kids” who will surely grow up loving God, when told if God hadn’t wanted them or their mother to be abused, he’d have stopped it.

    Is this sick, or what?