by Rebekah Pearl Anast and Gabriel Anast from No Greater Joy – Safeguarding Your Children
Editor’s note: Rebekah seems to be saying in this piece that the attitudes of the parents are a big part of keeping perverts and sexual molesters away from the kids. What if the rapist or pervert is in your own family? We’ve all heard the sad story of Josh Duggar molesting four of his sisters and his father Jim Bob’s claims that this happens in all quiverfull families like it’s no big deal. She really is her father’s daughter with her ability to claim that a parent’s hypocrisy is a deciding factor.
Warning for all the parental shaming and blaming in this bit.
I know a girl who is twenty years old and is still a virgin. She is beautiful, outgoing and smart. There is a constant stream of guys vying for her attention. She smiles at them and shakes her head, “no,” when they ask her to go out with them. “I’m not ready to get married yet,” she tells them. I once heard her telling some other young people that when she meets the man she thinks might be the one, and he asks her out, she is going to bring her family along on their first date as a surprise. She has two sisters and two brothers and a very lively mom and dad. If he is still interested after that first date with her very rowdy family, she says she’ll consider him. By now you may have a mental image of a very spiritual homeschooled girl with long hair and a denim jumper, plus a solid history of innocence. Not so. This girl was raised in an unbelieving family until she was ten years old. Her dad was an alcoholic before he got saved. She went to public school (bad public schools) from kindergarten through high school. Her parents impose no rules of clothing, music, dating, or anything at all, really! She can come and go as she likes, and date whomever she likes. But she never has. Why? She is walking after the Spirit of God and her parents, and not after a list of rules.
From the day her parents got saved, they began to seek God with their whole heart. Not religion. Not Church. Not even the Bible. Just God, and God alone. They laid aside their vices completely to follow Him. They seek him daily on their knees, and minister day and night to the people around them. They are not trying to balance their Christianity and their comfort. They seek to please God, not themselves. Their home is full of needy people all the time, people I wouldn’t want my kids to be around. This girl saw the change in her parents. She has watched their 100% sincerity for ten years now. She has seen the fruit of that dedication. She wants it. Rules would never have persuaded her to turn away from the world. Their love for God did.
Children will usually follow the spirit of their parents. I have met a few young people who have heroically decided to be godly and real, despite their parents; but this is the exception, not the rule. The father doesn’t have to be a porno freak for the son to get involved in it. All he has to do is sit with his arm around his wife at church and then show disregard for her at home. The mother doesn’t have to be a prostitute for her daughter to take that road; all she has to do is show scorn for her husband and disobey his requests. This hypocrisy will communicate to the children that there are two rules of law in the universe: pleasing the crowd, and pleasing yourself. They’ll grow up believing that if they can maintain a religious front at church, what goes on at home is their own business. God is actually out of the picture for such a family.
Any measure of hypocrisy will undermine the moral strength of your children. Absolute consistency-on any level-will strengthen and enable them to be even greater than you are. Consistency communicates that God is to be feared; inconsistency communicates that God is only “let’s pretend.”
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