Gentlemen start your engines and let the slut-shaming commence! It’s an all slut-shaming inappropriate conversations with odd guys in the park extravaganza!
The title of this chapter is ‘The Importance of Boyfriends’ and as the chapter unfolds Von makes it sound as if boyfriends were the newest trendy accessory, like a Fendi bag or a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes with the bright red soles or a French tip mani/pedi. Not that author Vaughn Ohlman is familiar with the must haves, unless it’s the must have items in fundamentalism, a crisp KJV Bible, an ironed floor length skirt and a pack of ‘ministry mints’ Altoids in your pocket just in case you have to do an exorcism on the fly or pray for someone up close and very personally.
We’re back at that park again. The two male figures featured so far in the book, Sakal Davidson and Andrew Adamson, do so much lurking in the park it’s starting to feel suspicious, like they’re looking for a hook up. That’s what you might think if you didn’t have the author’s unnatural dialogue. Chapter three starts with Sakal and Andrew in that park, yet again, sitting down to have their lunches at the picnic table of confession.
They just start opening up their lunches when the girl accused in chapter one of trying to date rape Andrew comes strolling on up. Her name is Jessie Dumonde. Suddenly I have a craving for hot beignets swimming in powdered sugar with a side of iced latte. Jessie is upset that Andrew hasn’t called her since she attempted to take his virginity and she let’s them know she’s upset that the only thing she got to do on Friday night was laundry and homework.
SD: So you expected Andrew to call you?
SD: For a date?
SD: Had he told you he would call you?
JD: No. But when a guy takes a girl out a couple of times in a row, and they get all interested in each other, then she expects he will call again, no?
Really? Is the author getting his information on how a couple of dates leads to hand-holding, going steady and official boyfriend-girlfriend status from some old movies from late night television, ‘Gidget Goes Gaga’ or old ‘Jetsons’ reruns? Admittedly I’ve out of middle school for many years now, but that is really the last place I can think of in society where a couple of dates and a couple of phone conversations leads to instant assumption of romance. That, and in fundamentalist Christian cults were being alone with the opposite sex is still considered so scandalous that a few movies or bowling or going out for pizza might be considered a commitment.
Back in the dinosaur roaming the earth years I dated I had a pile of dates that were two or three times where we didn’t click or did click where there was zero expectation of calls or future dates. Sometimes life would interfere, sometime it would be the right person at the very wrong time. A million different reasons with no one upset because they thought we were automatically a couple after going out a few times.
Jessie asks Andrew if he’s dating Sakal now before Andrew tells her that he’s some cool foreign guy that knows a lot of scripture. That’s followed by Sakal asking Jessie why she dates at all, before it goes to this ‘he’s my this years Prada boots’…
JD: Mostly you just do stuff together and have someone to talk about with the other girls.
SD: Is that important, talking about it with your girlfriends?
JD: Oh, yes! That’s very important.
SD: Would you say you feel like less of a person, if you don’t have a boyfriend?
JD: Wow. That’s deep. But yeah, I think you’re right.
I know there are a lot of young women out there that think they must have a boyfriend or husband to feel ‘complete’, but thankfully this is an idea that is starting to fade. It is one of the good things to come out of the women’s movements, the death of this idea that your worth is solely based on your ability to lure someone in and keep them. If that’s all you’ve got going on to boost your ego may I suggest you go immediately into therapy. It’s a crappy ancient idea that just reinforces low self esteem. You are good enough and intrinsically worthwhile no matter what your relationship status is!
Then Sakal goes right for the jugular, revealing he knows what Jessie tried to do with Andrew.
SD: Is that why you wanted to sleep with Andrew?
JD: Andrew?! You told him?
SD: Are you embarrassed he told me? Was it a secret you wanted to sleep with him?
JD: Well, no, not really. I was more surprised you would tell me you two had talked about it. I hear most guys boast about their sex life, but I didn’t know they talked about not getting it!
Wow, I cannot decide if Sakal coming right out with all this frank talk about their failed date like this is creepy, or clinical like something a therapist would say. I’m going with inappropriately creepy and too interested, like perhaps he’s storing it up for blackmail material or possible mental masturbation fodder. Keep in mind that Andrew has only known Sakal a few days and he’s already shared things that no teenager would willingly share with a strange adult.
Warning! More talking about sex with a strange grown-ass man neither of these kids know very well.
JD: What’s wrong with us sleeping together? It isn’t like Andrew and I had just met! We’ve been going out for quite a while.
SD: I am also interested in your reasons for wanting to sleep together, which also seem different than his.
JD: What are his reasons?
SD: Well, one reason is because he imagines it would feel good.
JD: That’s my reason, too.
SD: Is it? So you want to date for the relationship, but you just want to have sex because it’s fun?
JD: Sex is fun, but it is really is the relationship that is important for the girl. Let’s face it, nowadays everyone knows if you don’t put out the guy won’t like it and then he’ll drop you.
SD: I had thought that might be part of the reason. So when Andrew turned you down for sex, and then when he didn’t call you for a date the next week….
Roving cultural anthropologist or creep? Skipping a lot of dialogue where Jessie gets more and more pissed off before telling Andrew off for not letting her know he wasn’t into her. Sakal spouts scriptures and she storms off. She should have left the minute Sakal started asking her questions about her thoughts on her sexuality. Why isn’t there a lurking cop or a member of the Special Victims Unit nearby to jack up Sakal and ask him why he’s talking about sex with a teenage girl?
The idea that girls that don’t ‘put out’ (Von’s words, not mine) don’t get and keep males romantically interested in them is another bad idea that has its roots in old movies and bad made for tv movies about teens from the 1970s. Another idea that is quaintly old-fashioned and just needs to die.
The chapter ends with this sad and judgmental bit of conversation between Andrew and Sakal.
AA: So, from now on, she will always feel ‘rejected’ by me. We will have a broken relationship, not just a non-dating relationship.
SD: And that was probably not her first time. She may have given part of her heart to a dozen boys already, and will give it to yet a dozen more.
AA: That poor boy at the end..
AA: He will have to compete with the memory of all those others!
What did we learn?
Everything is always all about sex in the world of Vaughn Ohlman.
Girls like accessory boyfriends and will have sex to keep them.
Going out a couple of times is a commitment to boyfriend-girlfriend status.
There are no appropriate healthy boundaries involved with discussion of sexuality anywhere in this damn book.
Grown men with no real relationship with the young daters feel perfectly comfortable trying to dump shame on them.
Girls that ‘put out’ are pathetic sluts per Von instead of individual persons exercising personal power and sexual agency.
For Jessie and anyone else feeling disrespected, buying the lie that they are somehow flawed I leave you with P!nk – Perfect.
Now I need a bath to wash away all the nasty, gross, old-fashioned ideas in this chapter.
Next week: Sakal goes and slut-shames a girl involved in Christian courtship in much the same way he did Jessie Dumonde. Making friends and pissing off the ladies is no way to go through life.
Suzanne Titkemeyer is the admin at No Longer Quivering. She’s been out of the Quiverfull Evangelical world for nine years now and lives in the beautiful Piedmont section of Virginia with her retired husband and assorted creatures. She blogs at Every Breaking Wave and True Love Doesn’t Rape
Stay in touch! Like No Longer Quivering on Facebook:
Copyright notice: If you use any content from NLQ, including any of our research or Quoting Quiverfull quotes, please give us credit and a link back to this site. All original content is owned by No Longer Quivering and Patheos.com
Read our hate mail at Jerks 4 Jesus