Answering ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’ – Clarification Needed: Type Combos

Answering ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’ – Clarification Needed: Type Combos July 13, 2016

AnsweringAnother installment of giving better answers to the questions asked at Debi Pearl’s site message board for the book ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’. Many young ladies ask questions on all sorts of different subjects brought up by the book. There was just one big problem, many of the answers stray into either the outright bad and emotionally unhealthy to dangerous. Yes, typical Debi Pearl borderline abusive. Here’s what we’re going to be doing here at NLQ. Every week, once or twice a week, I’ll be posting up one of the questions from the message board and ask you, our readers, to answer that poor soul’s question in a way that is logical,  rational and the best possible solution, in other words 180 degree turn from Debi and friends answers. As always all spelling and grammar in the posting is unchanged from the original author.

Clarification needed: type combos

Can someone help me clarify?

I understand the significance of understanding what type of man we need in a husband. I’m a Visionary/Servant type and feel I need the steadiness and encouragement of a Priest to balance me out.

However, as help meets, it’s not about our needs. We’re the helpers; it’s our task to MEET needs. No man wants a needy wife. Yet, I see the importance of the kind of man we individually need to truly be a team that really works.

I’m starting to get it, but I’m sure there are others who have thought this out more than I have. So? :)

Not about their needs? Oh sister, that type of thinking is a recipe for disaster and frustration.

Most of the answers she was given boil down to one thing by the end. Pray about it. What would you say?

moreRead more Answering ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’:

Will My Wife Ever Love Me Again?

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  • Carra McClelland

    Stop worrying so much about the “types” the Pearls have invented and find someone who will be a true partner to you. You will need to support each other. You will have needs too, and you 100% deserve to have those met.

    Giving all of yourself to completely is destructive and dangerous. It breeds contempt and warps your mind into thinking that you will never ever be good enough. Which is untrue. But you need to divorce yourself from the Pearls and their advice before you can pursue a healthy relationship.

  • AuntKaylea

    Personality Typing is a form of stereotyping. People will never be simply a few-paragraphs long description of a category of common character preferences. Human beings are alive, dynamic, ever changing, ever growing people whom God has created as unique and with the capacity to always learn and grow. Who I am today is not the same as who I was even a year ago as I have learned, grown, and hopefully matured along the way.

    Typing at it’s best helps us to understand ourselves and others with particular emphasis on communication styles. The usefulness helps largely in enabling us to see another person’s point of view, and to listen more carefully to on another. This assists in loving well.

    However, as all stereotyping has the potential for, too much reliance on typing can be toxic if it replaces true relationship with a stagnant set of formulaic scripts. When it is utilized as such, it is the death knell of real connection and real relationship.

    Instead of trying to box people in or predict, it is best to use types as a springboard for additional understanding: such as going from “when my husband is worried he will escapes by playing video games.” to “when my husband is worried about things he cannot control, he engages in an activity which allows him to emotionally work out what exactly he is struggling with so that he can figure it out and then once again connect with me”.

  • Antoinette Herrera

    You know, now would be a really good time to take your copies of No Greater Joy, and anything else written by the Pearls, and just shove them in a shredder.

    You want to find out who your “type” might be? Get off your knees and out of the prayer closet. Meet people. Talk. Listen. Don’t obsess over whether Joe Blow is a Priestly type, or how to give your all, et cetera. Make friends. Make mistakes. Repeat.

    Maybe you and Joe Blow will click. Or perhaps you’ll discover that you don’t. It’s okay. But you won’t know if you stay where you are.

  • SAO

    Praying and expecting God to show you a sign is asking too much of him. He gave you a brain. Use it. The first thing you should ude it for is too see how vile the Pearls’ advice is. A good marriage is where both spouses love and support each other. You have needs. That’s normal. If you husband can’t meet them, you will struggle all your life.

    On airplanes, they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask first, then help others. This is because if you don’t take care of yourself first, you won’t be able to help others.

  • pagankitty

    Step 1: Realize that the “types” were made up by the Pearls and they’re full of shit
    Step 2: Realize that literally everything else the Pearls say is full of shit
    Step 3: Profit.

  • texassa

    Holy fack I can’t even pretend to respond to this. Young women please for the love of god and yourselves stop following these insane people.

  • texassa

    YES! God gave you a brain and so many capabilities. Why are you blindly following around a couple of nuts who wrote some books!? That’s idolatry if you ask me. Read your Bible if you must, but stop worshiping these stupid random texts some idiots put together. Even better, use your own wisdom, logic, experience and understanding. Speak to people who you know and admire. Anything but drowning in these nutty self-help texts.

  • Karen the rock whisperer

    Types are mostly not helpful, whoever made them up. Whether you’re talking about Pearl-invented crap or Myers-Briggs types, those are just ways of categorizing people into little boxes. News flash: human beings are not cats, and they don’t fit well in boxes.

    The only way you get a good relationship out of a romantic match is to actually meet, talk, do things together, talk, share dreams and aspirations, talk… and did I mention talk? Does his personality mesh well with yours? Do his general goals in life align with yours? If he dreams of spending the rest of his days running a mission back of some beyond, and you dream of a nice little farm to raise a family on in some Midwestern rural neighborhood, this relationship is not going to work well. If both of you insult easily, or if he tends to get cranky about things you don’t care about and vice-versa, you might have a serious problem. You work these things out by using your brain and talking, talking, talking…

    And finally, if the relationship doesn’t work out, you get to totally reject that ‘you gave away a piece of your heart’ claptrap. Hearts aren’t dividable, they just expand to include more people. You find someone else, and start talking again.