Quoting Quiverfull: Your Boyfriend is Supposed to Lead You to Christ?

Quoting Quiverfull: Your Boyfriend is Supposed to Lead You to Christ? July 6, 2016

quotingquiverfullby Raegan Thornhill from Delighted in Him – Wait for the Man Who Preaches You the Gospel

Editor’s note: The purity and courtship crowd come up with some of the most confining rules for friendships and relationships. We see how well this works out when you look at the large number of unmarried daughters like the Botkin girls and look at the fact that Christians have higher divorce rates than non-believers. Why not base your relationship on mutual interests, love and attraction and not worry so much about if you are being lead to Christ?

Ladies, I’m going to say this as bluntly as I can: if the man you are dating is not a Christian, he is not the man for you.

Trust me, I get it. I’ve made up these excuses numerous times to why I should keep dating guys who were not leading me in the right direction.

“He says He’s a Christian.”

“He has a favorite Bible verse.”

“He goes to church.”

I would compromise my beliefs in order to have a temporary comfort. My flesh was saying, “This guy is showing interest in you… What’s dating him going to hurt?” I got wrapped up in relationships and feelings when I knew the end of the road was near, and there was no commitment heading toward marriage. I may have thought I “loved” them, but the reality is, my heart was in the wrong place. You cannot know love without knowing Christ. So, ladies, let me say this: if he says he loves you, but he doesn’t know Christ, if Christ is not his first love, then he is deceiving you. It might be a worldly love, but it will never compare to Christ’s love, which is given to us through Him and only Him.

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, cultural enforcers and those that seek to keep women submitted to men and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.

moreRead more about finding Mr. Right in the world of Evangelical Quiverfull:
It’s Not That Complicated – Chapter One


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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Nea

    If he’s not leading girls to the writer’s view of christ, he might lead them out of fundamentalism entirely, and we can’t be having that!

  • SAO

    Seems to me he’s saying your husband can have a first-class love (Christ’s love) and put you second to Christ or he can have a second-class love (worldly). The bottom line, ladies, is that you are second-class citizens. I

  • Evelyn

    Of course it makes sense for a person deeply committed to a cause, be it religious/political/whatever, to choose a life partner who is equally committed and will not cause the other to drift away from something important in order to keep the peace. Problem here is, this version of Christianity doesn’t require anything my beyond lipservice (unless Daddy gets to put him to work, which is gross anyway). My ex husband is the most pious guy ever and even visibly prayed in the courtroom immediately prior to our divorce hearing, but when the rubber met the road, he was evil. Professing faith means nothing, and if you’re only allowed to court and stay arms length apart, when would you ever see him back it up with actions?

  • pagankitty

    Ugh. Too real. Hate the idea of “he can’t REALLY love you unless he’s the right type of Christian”.

    Reminds me of when I was dating my now-husband (who used to be a Christian, but wasn’t baptized with the right words) and my family wanted us to break up. They were in tears because if we got married I wouldn’t have a “sacramental marriage”, just a second-class “natural marriage”, and I would never know the “Grace” and “Christ-Love” of a ‘Real Sacramental Marriage”.

  • Saraquill

    My first boyfriend was and still is a devout Protestant. During the time we dated, he was also bigender, sometimes dressing and taking on exaggerated feminine characteristics. We also shared a love of gay porn, and he enjoyed drawing erotic art.

    The person who I eventually married is Catholic, attended Catholic school K-12, and can still recite a bunch of prayers from memory. He is not however on speaking terms with G-d.

    How hard would Thornhill faint if I told her these things?

  • KarenH

    Well, she’d have already written off the both of you at the word “Catholic”

  • Julia Childress

    “You cannot know love without knowing Christ.” I wish I could have introduced her to my agnostic brother and sister-in-law. Married 45 years, she was a stay-at-home mom and he provided the financial support. Their relationship was like a dance – they were always aware of the needs of the other. If my brother came in from work and a baby needed a diaper change, without a word, he did it. She made sure that he didn’t have to worry about the small stuff like maintaining the cars, or replacing shingles. She just did it, or called someone who could. She developed cancer at the age of 52, and for 13 years, he was at her side – going to docs, hospitals, and even to Europe for treatment, always together in her struggle. I have never witnessed such love and devotion. Toward the end, when it was obvious that she was going to lose the fight, I did feel bad for them that they didn’t have a church family to surround them with love. But even though they were strangers, my church stepped up and helped them. We were even able to have her non-spiritual funeral at the church, where they welcomed my brother and his family with open arms (and no evangelizing). Pure Christian love is a wonderful thing, but it is very possible to know great love without any element of religious faith.

  • TLC

    I wish these Christians who are so worried about dating would translate this over to their politics, too.

    Ladies, Christians, I’m going to say this as bluntly as I can: if the man you are dating voting for is not a Christian, he is not the man candidate for you.

    Trust me, I get it. I’ve made up these excuses numerous times to why I should keep dating voting for guys candidates who were not leading me in the right direction.

    “He says He’s a Christian.”

    “He has a favorite Bible verse.”

    “He goes to church.”

    I would compromise my beliefs in order to have a temporary comfort. My flesh was saying, “This guycandidate is showing interest in you… What’s dating voting for him going to hurt?”

  • Astrin Ymris

    It still shocks me when CPM types claim that church-going, Bible-reading, professing Christians somehow aren’t Christians, because they’re too tolerant and compassionate. It’s mind-blowing, truly it is.

  • She wouldn’t have gotten that far. The term “bigender” would have shut it down completely right then and there. Such a concept does not exist within fundiedom.

  • Aloha

    uh oh!
    I guess in politics “God’s man” doesn’t need to be redeemed.

  • Aloha

    I think it’s because pragmatism is accepted and allowed if it’s men who do it / recommend it.

    However, ladies have insufficient intelligence for pragmatism. Therefore, the ladies can just die virgins rather than make a pragmatic choice to marry a decent guy who just isn’t committed to Christ.

  • Mel

    When a coworker’s father died unexpectedly, a fellow coworker’s husband who is a pastor let them use their church and fellowship hall for the memorial service for free – and without requiring any mention of Jesus.

    I was happy to see Christians behaving in a Christ-like way.

  • KarenH

    Excellent point

  • Astrin Ymris

    It doesn’t matter if the candidate says “Two Corinthians” instead of “2nd Corinthians”– he hates the right people and promotes the continued privileging of white males; that’s all that matters. The fact that his speeches stir his audiences to righteous wrath just like CPM sermons helps.

  • persephone

    I have always gotten squicked at the “Jesus is the third party in your menage a trois marriage.”

  • Sarah Flood

    Aaaaaaand I’m convinced that this is partly why I’m still single at the age of thirty. Because no guy was ever going to be good enough. At least, not the ones I was interested in. There might have been good-enough guys out there, but to me they were dull as dirt. I like artistic types with emotions and senses of humor. The one guy my parents were okayish with was turning out to be controlling and problematic (and they had nixed another guy for also being controlling, so it wasn’t as if they were for it) and also frankly fairly boring, but he was okay because he was a committed Christian. The ones that truly cared about *me*, for *me* and not for some weird twisted ideal that they tried to make me be, were not Christians. Our relationships largely didn’t work out because I knew all hell would break loose if I dared to actually try to date them openly.

    Don’t get me wrong; I actually love being single. But even now, I have the sneaking suspicion that my parents and I will literally never see eye to eye on any guy I actually want to be with, and that outright frightens me.