Questioning the Pearls: Sleep Overs?

Questioning the Pearls: Sleep Overs? August 14, 2016

QuestioningthePearlsFor well over a year we’ve been running a second Answering ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’ on Sundays, filled with questions by young ladies trying to get ready for marriage. Since we’ve run through many of the questions on their site it’s time to shift Sundays to something else, like perhaps examining the cornucopia of probably fake emails and questions that Michael and Debi Pearl of No Greater Joy post on their website and the possibly poisonous answers they give.

Original post is here.

“Did you allow your children to go to sleepovers or play outings at a friend’s house? If so, how did you assure yourself that she would not be subjected to abuse of any kind—especially sexual? I have always heard that most molestation is perpetrated by a family friend or relative that is trusted.”

You heard right. If you read our mail you would NEVER let your child have sleep-overs with other kids. When our porn article came out, we got a flood of letters from adults who were exposed to porn while sleeping over with a good friend or relative, or had friends over to their house that brought it with them. These adults say that from the age of six or seven, when they first saw the pictures, they were addicted and have been all their lives. We also receive so many letters from people who for years were molested by their brother’s friends while the family slept. The little girls were always too sleepy and confused to be able to tell what was happening to them every Friday night when big brother had his friends over. Parents never knew why little Suzy was such a problem when she turned 13 years old. I will repeat: anyone that has ever counseled or read as many letters as we do would NEVER open their children up to this possibility. It is too common and too terrible.

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  • Evelyn

    Oh, for heaven’s sake! When I was a little girl, people knew that Big Brother doesn’t have friends over when Little Sister is having a sleep over. And we didn’t look at porn. I well remember one sleepover where there was a solid thunderstorm and we were all worried that the rapture was going to come and we might be left behind in that dank basement.

  • Nea

    It’s both sad and disgusting how the Pearls are completely obsessed with sex – and so quick to assume that absolutely everyone not named Pearl is a pervert, a homosexual, or both.

  • Aloha

    Another solution to this problem of danger everywhere is to teach your kids when to say “NO,” and listen to them when they tell you about their day — without judging or getting angry.

    I still won’t let my kids do sleepovers, because I think they’re too small, but as they get older, I’ll trust them to take care of themselves (with trusted friends) and report back any problems to me.

  • zardeenah

    Obviously, keeping a large family at home and isolated protects children from sexual abuse! Look how well it worked for the Duggars!

    On a more serious note, it’s too bad Debi wasn’t as outspoken on the topic of protecting children from physical abuse. I think one of the reasons she gets hung up on sexual abuse is to avoid thinking about other ways children are abused.

  • Leigh Andrews

    At the bottom of your column, you had a link to “Questioning the Pearls”. I first read it as “Questioning the Panic”..

    I can understand the appeal of advice from someone who doesn’t know you. I believe that both the “Dear Abby” and “Ann Landers” columns have been taken over by their children and still run. However, there seems to be an incentive NOT to ask for advice in the Quiverfull movement because it exposes you as inadequate, and you will be shamed for asking the question, even if you are asking it of self-appointed experts like Pearls.

  • Leigh Andrews

    Could the reason be that there is fairly wide agreement that sexual abuse of children is wrong, but there is still some debate over spanking and other forms of physical punishment? Debi NEEDS to be above reproach, even in her own twisted little mind, and she needs to excuse her own past and present behavior as “not that bad”.

  • Nea

    All the upvotes for the Duggar comment. So true!

    Debi also gets hung up on sexual abuse because
    1) I’m sure she sees a LOT of it in her community because that culture is so weird about sex and so isolated that of course there’s a lot of sexual abuse in it, and
    2) Her husband is the king of Weird About Sex. He likes to think that he’s so open-minded, but he’s written a whole lot about how his own sexual frustration made him hate women for “tempting” him, (because of course dealing with the issue himself is a sin), considers having sex a challenge *between men* (a large part of his honeymoon story was how he couldn’t “outdo” another guy in the sack), and immediately accuses everyone else of being less macho/potent/hetero than him.

  • Astrin Ymris

    I’m thinking the “porn” may mean “any secular movie or television show which doesn’t conform to Purity Culture standards”.

  • Evelyn

    We didn’t even watch movies.

  • Astrin Ymris

    Suzanne, I probably won’t be spending much time on this site any more because of browser hangups caused by defective scripts. Sorry, but it’s too frustrating. 🙁

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Astrin, I totally get that. Updating the site is causing me the exact same issues. I keep complaining to blog ops with no result.

  • Astrin Ymris

    Maybe if enough people complain, Patheos will be arsed to fix the problem? There’s no advertising money if the users abandon the site.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    That is very true and I keep reading about how the parent company Time is already having money issues since the whole changing of the algorithms on Facebook that happened at the first of the year.