Questioning The Pearls – Who Can I Turn to For Advice?

Questioning The Pearls – Who Can I Turn to For Advice? August 21, 2016

QuestioningthePearlsFor well over a year we’ve been running a second Answering ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’ on Sundays, filled with questions by young ladies trying to get ready for marriage. Since we’ve run through many of the questions on their site it’s time to shift Sundays to something else, like perhaps examining the cornucopia of probably fake emails and questions that Michael and Debi Pearl of No Greater Joy post on their website and the possibly poisonous answers they give.

Original post is here.

“We young mothers desperately need guidance from a mature spiritual woman in how to nurture our children. On every side we are bombarded with one group saying we should carry our baby around in a sling and keep it with you constantly, sleep with it and don’t spank it. On the other side there are those that say, ‘Never let the child fall asleep while you are holding it, don’t rock it to sleep. Don’t sleep with it because it will be too dependent on you, and let it cry during the night when it wakes up so it can learn to sleep through the night without eating.’
Of course, there are others somewhere along the swinging pendulum, but you are the first I have heard that matched my gut instincts, that said the baby needs much nurturing and fellowship but also training and discipline. I am in desperate need of guidance so that I don’t reinforce bad habits my daughter may have already developed. ”

Dear Young Mothers, I would suggest you seek out advice from older grandmothers in your community. I would not look for “spiritual” type women, but just some plain, old lady that has a sense of humor and has maintained a respect and reverence for her husband all her married life (very, very important). Don’t ask her to baby sit, and don’t take your children over to her house, but just call her and ask her, “How do you cook dried black beans and rice?” While you are talking, ask her a simple question about how she handled a certain problem when her daughter was a baby.

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  • Nea

    So for Debi, the mark of a good mother is humor and penis worship, but not, say, having the kind of kids that you want your kids to grow to be? All righty then. (I’d say that Debi thought she was describing herself as the older woman, but since when did she have a sense of humor that didn’t involve pointing and laughing at/insulting someone?)

  • Rt1583

    I guess in her world all older mothers automatically become grandmothers and that an older mother (who has older children or already raised their children) has nothing of value to contribute?

  • Baby_Raptor

    Man, the hell a female who can’t/doesn’t reproduce gets in these circles…If you choose not to you’re a sinful feminist and if you’re infertile then god is judging you for some major sin in your life and you need to fix that ASAP. Note: A husband’s infertility will still be seen as the female doing something wrong.

    The entire basis of the Quiverfull movement is to start having kids young and have lots.

    I was raised by Quiverfull grandparents who had to stop at two (my father and my uncle) because of my grandmother’s cancer. It messed with my grandmother big time. When I grew up and eventually ran headlong from the entire mess I was thoroughly shocked to learn that most people didn’t have all their cousins over for weeks at a time and that most grandparents weren’t as involved in their grandkids’/nieces+nephews’ lives as my set were.

  • Aloha

    Also, being plain and not spiritual! Having kids who survived and procreated?

    So funny. Grandparents are famously laid back about kids-stuff. They’re known for spoiling kids, and I think they just want to enjoy the cuteness. Sometimes it seems that they’ve forgotten all about the need for discipline, training, and rule-enforcement …

  • Astrin Ymris

    Debi probably thinks verbally abusing people is having a sense of humor.

  • AuntKaylea

    What an absurd piece of advice: “Find an older woman, pretend to need her advice to cook the simplest of food, then ask her for anecdotes about her children, but don’t let her get to know your kids or actually ask her straightforwardly for the counsel you need.”

    Wisdom is something to be valued and is as much about listening and compassion as anything else.

  • BlueVibe

    Ask the women whose kids turned out to be adults you like.

    My mother gets this a lot because my brother and I were nicely behaved kids who grew up to be not-totally-jerks. Mom always says she doesn’t know anything about discipline because we didn’t need it, but, really, she did a lot to avoid behavior problems.