Quoting Quiverfull: Loving Making Hubby’s Lunch Sandwich?

Quoting Quiverfull: Loving Making Hubby’s Lunch Sandwich? September 5, 2016

quotingquiverfullby Peaceful Wife from The Peaceful Wife – I Resented Making Lunch for My Husband

Editor’s note: Oh man! I don’t even know where to start with this one except to say if you have problems with resenting doing something for your husband it’s much healthier to actually TALK to him about that. Is there some compromise you can make, perhaps he does not realize this is somehow burdening you or adding to a time crunch? What is the worst thing you can do is keep simmering resentments, stewing over slights and keeping it in. Handle it like a freaking adult instead of blaming your own emotions or attitudes. Why is everything so much more complex than needs be in Quiverfull world?

I used to resent making my husband’s lunches – even though I was the one who offered to do it and Greg never really asked me to do this for him.  I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for him on the days he worked, sometimes with an apple, too  – which was all he really wanted. But he never ever made lunch for me when I worked. (Insert my old scowling facial expressions here.) Of course, I don’t think I really asked him to – except maybe once – and it was with so much contempt.

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  • Allison the Great

    She has issues that she needs to start working through.

  • Nea

    It’s a hardship to make pb&j sandwiches? Does she know you can mass produce and freeze them? Does she know that she can talk actual words to her husband and resolve things?

  • Evelyn

    The other possibility is that he is like my ex husband, who would make Calvin-esque faces all through supper as if he hated it, but then be extremely put out if I didn’t pack up leftovers in a divided dish for his lunch *and* (this was a big and) I had to retrieve it from the fridge or freezer and hand it to him in the morning with a smile. When I premade a bunch of containers and actually expected him to pick one in the morning, that was unacceptable. So, yeah, maybe she needs to talk to her husband, but maybe there is a lot that she is not saying.

  • Mirella222

    It seems like there are some deeper issues going on here than making lunches. Her problem seems to lie with the fact that she makes her husband a lunch without him having to ask, while he never extended the same courtesy to her. In other words, she is upset because she is doing the little things for him, but he does not reciprocate. If that kind of pattern is repeated in other areas in their life, then I can easily see that leading to resentment. If this is the case, then they need to sit down and talk about the issues, rather than just pretending there are no problems.

  • Astrin Ymris

    Exactly! There’s a strong thread running through our culture that women should not ask for things. Asking for things is so… unfeminine. Demanding. Bitchy.

    There was a study done showing that people had negative attitudes about women who negotiated their salary, rather than accepting the first offer.


    Of course, the CPM’s response to existing gender inequalities is to double down on them and push them into new areas. 😛

  • SAO

    Use your words is helpful advice to toddlers — and, I guess brainwashed, fundy wives.

  • Karen the rock whisperer

    I make my husband’s sandwiches. He cuts up his own sandwich veggies, and packs his own lunch, but every six days I lay out six wraps and fill them with swiss cheese and sliced turkey. (This man is catlike in his love of consistency and habit.) The day takes the sandwich to work, he packs the veggies for it in a separate container, and merges the lot at lunchtime after he heats the sandwich in the microwave. I was doing the veggies for awhile, but I didn’t slice them to his satisfaction. Oh, well.

    Now, and this is the important issue, whenever I make a new batch of sandwiches, he makes a point of saying “thank-you”. He’s not taking me for granted. And I think that’s the biggest reason why I continue to do the task without any resentment at all… as well as keeping track of where we are in the cycle, and making sure the ingredients are on hand for the next batch. A little appreciation goes a long way.

  • Saraquill

    Ugh, I still remember a classmate calling me a bitch because I demanded disability accommodations.

  • texassa

    If your husband works outside the home and you work inside the home, making sandwiches is your job. If he didn’t return the favor by making you a sandwich when you worked outside the home (did he not work at that time?), perhaps he wasn’t doing his job. You could have pointed it out, or asked nicely. That you chose to say nothing and instead stew over it for what has likely been years simply points to your immaturity.

  • Astrin Ymris

    That’s the standard putdown for all assertive women. 😛

  • gimpi1

    Actual words! Are you sure? Doesn’t something horrible happen if you actually communicate clearly and discuss options with someone who you’re supposed to be in a loving relationship with? After all, real love is all manipulation and mindless sacrifice, right?

    Actual words… I don’t know… if people can actually communicate, without using mindless gender memes and religious obsessions, where will it all end?

  • persephone

    She says she offered to make his lunch. Now, it would be good if he had offered to do the same when she worked, but the simplest thing would have been for her to simply ask him. But these women can never just come out and say what they need, much less what they want, so it’s going to just be seething resentment over PB&J and an apple for years to come.