Okay, let’s dive right in today instead of silly shilly-shallying around cracking bad jokes.
When we last left the book Pater (Pat) Terrifille and know it all dirty minded park lurker Sakal Davidson were walking and discussing in the most disgusting ways the reasons why horny young boys must marry immediately. Seriously, by the time I got to the end of the chapter reading on Facebook Live Sunday night I was starting to gag from the tequila I had to swill so much because of all the squishy sexual references.
This chapter takes place in Sakal’s kitchen and involves Mr. Buttinski Sakal, Pater, Maydyn and Andrew. Ugh. I guess I should simply be thankful they finally left the park. I was beginning to wonder if Sakal lived in the park in an abandoned refrigerator cardboard box he spent so much time there. This is a long chapter, by Von’s standards – a whole seven pages.
PT: Mr. Davidson and I were talking about some of the problems with having….. healthy young men and women hang out together during courtship. He challenged me, and he was right, that I was a healthy young man when I dated.
In this stupid book healthy is always a code word for horny.
Pater briefly summarizes his park ponderings with Sakal next. Sakal chimes in.
SD: That, no matter how much you try to differentiate them, there is something at the core of both dating and courtship that is the same, and that is wrong, very wrong.
Isn’t this like the tenth million time that Sakal has made that same point. Yeah, yeah, we get it Sakal, you think they are the same damn thing. He goes on to make that lame old heart attachments claim again too. Hearts don’t work that way~
SD: The young man and the young woman are encouraged into a series of encounters, which lead them to bind their hearts together, to various degrees…all of which are inappropriate.
This is all followed by some squabbling between Andrew, Maydyn and Sakal about how you cannot just marry the nearest stranger. The conversation then starts to go to how various Bible characters managed to get married without dating.
MT: But I don’t know how Rebecca decided if she should marry Isaac.
PT: She didn’t. Her father did.
MT: But, later on, they asked her if she wanted to marry Isaac, didn’t they?
PT: No, not really.
MT: So she went because her father told her she should go?
PT: Yes, that’s the way I read it.
And that conversation is really the entire crux of the book and it’s justification for Vaughn’s ideas on picking a partner for your kid. Just wait till we get to the part a few chapters ahead where Sakal states a son’s father must pay a daughter’s father the sum of ten thousand dollars for ‘bride price’ if you think this is not good.
This is all followed with reading of scripture and quibbling over the story of Jacob, Leah and Rachel. Andrew goes so far as to call Leah ‘ugly’. Andrew hasn’t said much all chapter, silly boy. Largely uninteresting and does not do much advance Sakal’s ‘advice’.
SD: So Maydyn, those girls, how did they know whether to marry Jacob?
MT: Leah and Rachel married him because their father said so, and the two slave girls, well, they had to marry whoever their master told them to.
Then they move on to the story of Ruth and Boaz, which fits even less with the idea of fathers choosing for daughters. I think Von through that in to pad this thin book.
PT: The problem that I see is that children of today wouldn’t be willing to follow the Biblical pattern.
Andrew and Maydyn protest and there is some back and forth with both saying that if their fathers ordered them to marry each other they were willing to do just that. Heee.. sounds like some inappropriate attachments of the heart have already happened. Oh you slutty slutty kids!
PT; Andrew, what if your father called you into his office and talked about how he had picked this nice girl for you, and she would be arriving tomorrow with a friend of his?
AA: after a pause I can’t quite imagine my father doing that, but, you know, I think I would be OK with it, especially if it happened tomorrow. I would be, I suppose, a bit taken aback if it wasn’t Maydyn.
Translation: As long as I can screw whoever it is that matters the most!
They all move on to the issues of compatibility, of commonality and getting along. I fear poor Andrew has drunk far more of Sakal’s Koolaid than even Pater, because he claims this:
AA: First of all, and most importantly, it seems that God has made women to be compatible to men…. so any truly Godly woman will be a good helpmeet to any truly Godly man.
I find this to be the most disturbing part of the entire chapter because you can reverse that thought and use it to bash others in those marriages that don’t work out, claim that the couple wasn’t Godly enough or trying to be Godly enough to make it work out. Marriage does not work that way! Again, you better have some liking for each other and something in common if you expect to have a relationship between you when you are not having sex together. Recipe for misery!
AA: If you had to choose between me and my father as far as picking the right wife for me, any person with intelligence would choose my father to do the deciding. He is older, has more wisdom, and is less…. personally involved.
PT: The young man or young woman are apt to be driven by their hormones, and their standard of beauty or masculinity; whereas the father can be more objective, and dwell on the more important issues.
Now I’m starting to lose my temper! I call super bullshit on this idea! If these kids were simply allowed to get to know each other without any pressures to marry quickly they’d soon get over the infatuation with looks and be able to decide if they are compatible or not. Reminds me of a guy that I used to think was so handsome, so hot and desirable, but as I got to know him I realized that to have any type of horizontal fellowship with him I’d have to tape his mouth shut because his personality just was awful and he was super dumb. There was never going to be any possibility of a marriage or a relationship because he was that dumb, but with enough tape over his mouth he would have been good for a one night stand only. I shudder to think what might have been had my father had done my picking and chosen him for me without me having a choice at all. It would have been a disaster. This is the sort of thing that you realize as you spent time getting to know others and deciding what is important to you, what are your negotiables.What did we learn?
The main focus of this chapter was:
- Teens are too horny and filled with hormones to be trusted picking a spouse.
- Sakal does sometimes leave Perv Park
- Andrew is too impressionable.
And Oh JOY! Chapter 15 is all about how we’re not to give away pieces of our heart and attach ourselves to anyone we’re not married to. Get out your pre-licked candy bars! The good news is that there is now a mere twenty pages left to cover~
Join me Sunday night at 7 pm est for a live reading of this dreck on NLQ’s Facebook page.
Suzanne Titkemeyer is the admin at No Longer Quivering. She’s been out of the Quiverfull Evangelical world for nine years now and lives in the beautiful Piedmont section of Virginia with her retired husband and assorted creatures. She blogs at Every Breaking Wave and True Love Doesn’t Rape
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