What are you Doing? Part 1 Chapter 18 – The Pastor Just Wants to Flip Out

What are you Doing? Part 1 Chapter 18 – The Pastor Just Wants to Flip Out October 14, 2016

whatareyoudoingby Suzanne Titkemeyer

This is chapter 18 in Vaughn Ohlman’s disgusting tome about getting young teenagers sex trafficked by selling the daughter to the father of the son – What are you Doing? Chapter 18 is titled, and I kid you not, ‘You Can’t do that’. Yeah, well I agree, you cannot simply sell your daughter for ten thousand dollars to some other patriarch and call it a marriage.

You know what Vaughn can’t do? Figure out how proper capitalization works in titles either.

Dear Vaughn, there are tons and tons of places online that would have cheerfully edited this book and made sure everything was spelled correctly, grammatically correct with the right punctuation and capitalization for very little money. Try Writezillas next time!

Last chapter was Sakal the perverted park lurker offering Maydyn’s father Pat that ten thousand bucks from Andrew’s father Abe to allow them live together in a state of unwedded matrimony, common law marriage unrecognized by many states. Way to go! Fathers scoring money for selling daughters!

This time we’re back in the park, Sakal Davidson is engaged in his favorite thing in this entire world, he’s lurking at the Picnic Table of Confession when the pastor of Andrew and Maydyn’s church, George Wakefield, comes rushing up to ‘confront’ him. Hang onto your wigs because this is the closest thing to a confrontation that happens in this silly book, even if it’s not much of one.

George gets right to it after pleasantries and introductions. They act like they’ve never met before but I distinctly remember Andrew telling Sakal in the first chapter that he’d seen him at a distance at church before. Consistency is apparently another thing Von struggles with. This is why when you write fiction, and this is fiction, bad Jesus fan fiction, you need to construct a Character Bible and Timeline to refer to so you do not keep making these bone-headed errors.

GW: But I am even more interested in the hermeneutic you are using to arrive at your, shall we say, unorthodox conclusions.

This is followed by nearly a page of very dull wrangling over what is Scripture and what is a command. Yawn.

SD: So, then, tell me, how do you apply Scripture  to this problem? How do we determine what the best thing to do is? My theology, my hermeneutic, if you will, teaches me that the only place to look for the ‘best’ thing to do, is in Scripture.

Which leads us right back into another stupid pile of arguing over what Scripture is, says and does. I’m reminded of two very wimpy guys having a slap-fight over the last cucumber sandwich on the tea table in a bad Victorian melodrama. Glove slap! Dueling at dawn!

GW: Well, I can’t believe that you think the principles you are espousing are found in Scripture. I have heard that you think fornicators should be allowed to marry!

Oh heavens forfend! I can hear the pearl clutching going on right now.

SD: Well, it was Paul’s idea, not mine.

GW: Well, they can’t marry my daughter.

Three lines of dialogue all starting with the same word ‘Well’.. Well, I think I’m going to have to retire using the word ‘well’ in my own writing after reading this.

SD: The ‘Not My Daughter’ Syndrome.

Hee. That’s telling him.

SD: The first is that it seems to directly contradict I Corinthians 7. In that passage Paul keeps saying ‘let them marry’….a kind of command, like ‘let us pray’.

If your daughter, your particular daughter, is really the absolute cream of the crop, and stands head and shoulders above the rest in purity, chastity, love and obedience..then maybe it is precisely the least qualified young man that she should marry, in order to be the most help for him.

Voddie Baucham wrote a book, ‘What he must be to marry my daughter.’ Perhaps you should write a book ‘What he will be because he marries my daughter’

Sakal is multi-talented, throwing shade at the local Baptist pastor and Voddie Baucham all at the same time!

GW: But I haven’t trained my daughter to marry a fornicator!

SD: Why not? I have. I have trained my daughter the way an army trains its new recruits… for a battle, not a vacation. I have no idea what difficulties she might face in marriage, an unGodly husband, life on a mission field, barrenness, even abandonment. So my job is to train her for the worst possible scenario, the hardest possible situation.

Really? If you were really training your daughter with this ‘worst possible scenario’ in mind you’d make sure she had a top-notch education, work experience and the possibility of supporting herself and her children if the worst happened, not dooming her to abuse and poverty.

GW: Those are horrible comparisons! I want my daughter to have a happy life!

SD: But maybe that isn’t God’s highest priority.

Sakal finishes up by saying that since no one in the ‘two hundred year vision/plan’ has perfect marriages then it’s irresponsible to think that their children will have happy marriages. There’s more bickering over courtship and worldviews before Maydyn and Andrew come bouncing up holding hands….

…and that’s where I end this today. Halfway through chapter 18. I cannot deal with the public displays of affection and the super-freaking out in the next bit of that poor pastor. Next Friday I’ll finish up this, the last real chapter of the book before it devolves into ‘wink, wink, hint, hint, say-no-more’ joshing with the newly weds about sex. This would all work so much better as a failed Monty Python sketch.

What did we learn today?

  • Sakal hates the idea of horny unmarried teenage boys lurking about being tempted to fornicate in their minds, hands or any other option that does not involve marriage.
  • Pastor George seems to be one of the few people in this entire book with any common sense.
  • Sakal’s vision for marriage is a scary awful miserable thing.
  • Sakal wants everyone to be miserably married.
  • Happiness is highly overrated.

Join me on Facebook Live Video on Sunday night at 7 pm est. I’ll be doing a live reading from this book on No Longer Quivering’s Facebook page. See you then!

What are you Doing?

Introduction | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12

Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18

Part 19 | Part 20


Suzanne Titkemeyer is the admin at No Longer Quivering. She’s been out of the Quiverfull Evangelical world for nine years now and lives in the beautiful Piedmont section of Virginia with her retired husband and assorted creatures. She blogs at Every Breaking Wave and True Love Doesn’t Rape

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • A. Noyd

    I don’t get how anyone can worship a god like that. If I actually believed such a god existed, I wouldn’t fall down on my knees; I’d tell him to go suck a ginkgo fruit popsicle.

  • Anonyme

    Consentual sex before marriage=AFFRONT TO GOD!

    “Giving” your daughter to a selected man, whom she may not like or knows nothing about, because sex=totes okay

    I should not be reading the ‘What Are You Doing?’ posts after the Donald Trump disaster.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    It’s been super triggering having to write them after the Trump mess which means I could not rejoice and drink tequila while reading aloud this damaging drivel.

  • pagankitty

    “What are you doing” is exactly what I’d like to ask Vaughn. This is so so disgusting.

    Also, why do I get the feeling that at some point in his life that someone thought Vaughn was too much of a creep to date his daughter?

  • Astrin Ymris

    Re: “…Perhaps you should write a book ‘What he will be because he marries my daughter’…”

    Once again, the toxic meme that it’s a woman’s responsibility to make bad men behave well. I may barf myself.

    Also, why doesn’t Sakal write this book himself? He’s the advocating sacrificing virgins to “cure” sexual predators. Or does he subscribe to the “but not my daughter” ethos himself?

    “… But maybe that isn’t God’s highest priority…”

    Not according to Jesus– who by orthodox Christian tradition was God incarnate. In the Gospels Jesus said God loves all humans as His children, and wants only good things for them. He predicted that humans would be persecuted by other human beings, but not that this was something God actually desired.

    How come fundgelicals so completely ignore what God had to say in the four books of the Bible in which He was (supposedly) able to speak for Himself, in favor of quotemining books written by corrupt kings and forgers?

  • Looking at the last part of this post, would it be too much to hope for that A and M actually talked, decided they had a lot in common and could make a future together and eloped, this bringing this nonsense to an end?

  • persephone

    “If your daughter, your particular daughter, is really the absolute cream
    of the crop, and stands head and shoulders above the rest in purity,
    chastity, love and obedience..then maybe it is precisely the least qualified young man that she should marry, in order to be the most help for him.”

    Damn, Von, let it go. That girl you were lusting after is 20+ years in the past.

  • gimpi1

    OK, young women and girls are just property, to be sold to whoever wants them, with no regard for their desires, plans, goals or future happiness, because “God” says that’s the way it ought to be… do I have that right? And the compatibility, security and happiness of the couple in question is irrelevant, because, “…maybe God doesn’t care about that.” What a recipe for disaster.

    Sigh – yet one more reason I’m so glad none of these folks ever darkened my door. I’ve really been very lucky.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    It does not quite work out like that and yeah, Sakal/Vaughn makes some uber creepy comments about honeymoon sex on the last page.