We left Lori Alexander last time proclaiming that men were God on earth and trying to shame those that have plastic surgery. Quite the strange juxtaposition!
This chapter is named ‘What Submission Looks Like’ and she starts out by describing her own personal original ideas of submission that failed her so miserably.
Like I said in my opening chapter, I thought I was a submissive wife because I cooked, cleaned, took good care of the children and gave my husband lots of sex.
Uh, can we not talk about her sex life? It’s already starting to feel like too much information the times she keeps bringing it up.
She goes on to say that most married women define themselves by their motherhood, to the great detriment of their relationship with their husbands. She then goes on to claim if you do this then your children will all grow up with a ‘jaded view of marriage’ and will have failed marriages.
Wow, that’s a LOT of guilt to lay on anyone in one page! See, here’s the thing about children, for a lot of mothers during the years when their children need them the most they are busy meeting that need. That’s not disrespecting or ignoring your husband, that’s the reality of raising healthy well-adjusted children into adulthood. Most men are emotionally secure enough to deal with the fact that they aren’t the entire focus of your life.
Then she comes up with this gem:
Study your husband and listen to him so you will know how to best please him. Find out what foods he likes, what he likes you to wear, how he likes you to act, how he likes you to respond to him, how tidy he likes the home and all the little things that make him happy.
Here’s where I actually, shockingly enough, agree with Lori. But, these are all things you should know well before you marry him! These are all things that come from mature interactions and discussions well before a lifetime commitment should ever be considered by either partner! You shouldn’t have to make a huge effort to ‘study’ him like a bug under a microscope.
But I don’t believe her words about serving food her husband Mr. Junk Food Junkie likes. I cannot see her ‘submission’ going that far based on her earlier shaming of him for food choices. Doritos and Mountain Dew for everyone!
The rest of the chapter is pretty straight forward, don’t nag, have lots of sex, listen to him, apologize when you’re wrong, don’t mock him before she comes to this conclusion:
Being submissive means you no longer try to control your husband at all.
No, that means you respect your husband as a perfectly capable valuable human being on his own. Which is a good thing.
I’m rapidly coming to the conclusion that Lori Alexander has no real idea of what being in submission to another really looks like. It’s like she’s shouting into some echo chamber trying to convince her own self that this is how it has to be more than something she believes deep inside.
Her blog posting at the end of the chapter is some whiny nonsense about how Ken likes to stand up during worship and she likes to sit because of her back and feet (new medical problem mention) hurt. She found that Ken preferred her to stand next to him during worship and started doing just that because it showed true submission. She ended her blog posting by taking a big swing at the popular Christian blogger that recently publicly came out as lesbian – Glennon Doyle Melton. Classy.
There’s still nothing loving or merciful going on towards her husband, which just blows my mind. I am curious to see if she does all the little loving things day to day to show Ken that she values and loves him. But at least she managed to stay on topic for the entire chapter.
Mostly this book is making me feel so sad because it seems to me like this is what a loveless marriage looks like. She, you, and everyone else deserves better than this. I’m just not sure that Lori is capable of functioning within the sphere of love.Next chapter is long so I’ll likely have to split it in two. It’s on conflict resolution. Chapter 7 is the one I’m dreading since it’s Lori talking about sex.
Suzanne Titkemeyer is the admin at No Longer Quivering. She’s been out of the Quiverfull Evangelical world for nine years now and lives in the beautiful Piedmont section of Virginia with her retired husband and assorted creatures. She blogs at Every Breaking Wave and True Love Doesn’t Rape
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