Quoting Quiverfull: Marriage Should Benefit Men?

Quoting Quiverfull: Marriage Should Benefit Men? December 6, 2016

quotingquiverfullby Lori Alexander from The Transformed Wife – Men Are Learning That Marriage is Nothing Good For Them

These are not written by Lori. but by her commenters. By first what sounds like one of the Men’s Rights Activists that Dalrock and Biblical Gender Roles appeals to. Another of Lori’s commenters explaining how modern marriage in their eyes does not benefit the man at all. Interesting that both Lori and the MRA guys have the same view of a perfect marriage. This says nothing good for the state of marriage in the CPM. 

“You have to realize that there is nothing Christian about the Government Sanctioned ‘Marriage Contracts’ that are being peddled now. They are nothing but tools for lawyers and judges to rob and steal from (mostly) men. Men are slowly learning that marriage is nothing good for them, and reacting by staying away from the fraud,” wrote Tim on my post Men Giving Up on Marriage.

Lindsay Harold responded: “It is true that, given the current cultural attitudes about marriage and the legal system, it is a huge risk for a man to marry. Culturally, society tells women to leave if they aren’t ‘happy’ and that marriage is for them to be served by a man and get children if they want them. So, many marriages continually revolve around the desires of the woman, trying to keep her happy by doing things her way to keep peace in the home and keep the family together. Men hate this, but many live this way because they don’t want to lose their family.

Thus, marriage today, for a man, often means he gets emasculated by catering to his wife constantly, being belittled and berated rather than appreciated, and then she decides she isn’t happy, takes his kids and his money, and goes off to do her own thing. It’s no wonder men are reluctant to sign up for that.

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, cultural enforcers and those that seek to keep women submitted to men and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.

moreRead more by Lori Alexander:

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • persephone

    It would be really great if all the MGTOWs would just shut up and go. We won’t miss you.

  • Nightshade

    Yeah. Men Going Their Own Way? Promises, promises!

  • AuntKaylea

    They simply do not seem to be able to grasp the concept of mutually beneficial decisions.

  • guest

    “It is true that, given the patriarchal attitudes about
    marriage and their Church system, it is a huge risk for a woman to marry.
    In patriarchal circles, men are told that they are the boss and that they can demand greater submission if they aren’t ‘happy’ with the way their wife is currently submitting.
    Marriage is for them to be served by a woman and get children if they
    want them. So, many marriages continually revolve around the desires of
    the man, trying to keep him happy by doing things his way to keep
    peace in the home and keep the family together. Women hate this, but many
    live this way because they don’t want to be cast out of the church and left alone to fend for themselves and their children.

    Thus, marriage today, for a woman in a patriarchal church, often means she gets subjugated by catering to her husband constantly, being belittled and berated rather than appreciated, and then he decides he isn’t happy, he consults with the elders and the Titus 2 Women, who assist him in disciplining his wife until she complies. If she leaves him, she is out on her own, unqualified for any jobs that will pay enough to support herself and her children. It’s no wonder women are reluctant to sign up for that.”

    That was easy. I doubt they would understand it, though. I don’t think they see the problem with women living like this.

    Mutuality doesn’t even register on their radar.

  • Anonyme

    “. Culturally, society tells women to leave if they aren’t ‘happy’ and
    that marriage is for them to be served by a man…”

    Silly liberals, don’t they know it’s the other way around? The woman has to be the untiring, unquestioning servant.

    *sigh*

  • MillyPierce

    Well they didn’t say they were going quietly!

  • KarenH

    Marriage should work for BOTH partners.

    Christian Patriarchy’s description of marriage makes me grateful to have avoided it all my life.

  • Saraquill

    If marriage no longer benefits men, then why were both men and women campaigning for same sex marriage?

  • Melody

    Exactly! Marriage should benefit both parties.

  • Aloha

    In terms of evolution, marriage was to benefit the children (better odds of child-survival with two contributing parents) which in turn provided a mutual benefit for the parents (everyone likes to see healthy offspring).

    So evolution selected for long-term mating in humans. But I think men have long gotten a better deal in the marriage relationship. If we can even the odds in our modern society, then good for us.

    As you say, not to screw the man, and not to screw the woman, but to achieve equality.

  • Aloha

    Why do men keep “popping the question?” Probably they’ll blame women with their sexy wiles.

  • Astrin Ymris

    I think one reason they campaign so hard against same-sex marriage is because they’re free from millennia of sociological baggage about “who wears the pants” in the relationship! ;-D

  • Astrin Ymris

    Translation: Men are discriminated against unless they’re massively privileged by the legal system and the surrounding culture. Men can no longer be dictatorial tyrants in the home, emotionally aloof workaholics, or serial adulterers without taking the risk that their wives will get fed up and divorce them.

    And due to changes in the divorce laws from 19th century norms, they no longer automatically lose custody of their children when they do this! Gender-neutral divorce laws mean that custody will likely go to the primary caregiver… which is the mother in most cases, and even more likely in CPM-type marriages.

    It’s so unfair to MRAs when the legal system treats women fairly!/sarc

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/cathy-meyer/dispelling-the-myth-of-ge_b_1617115.html

  • CamasBlues

    I doubt that evolutionary story. In most pre-industrial cultures, children were fed and raised by more than two parents but by extended families. The specific arrangements varied a lot of culture – in some, women lived with their husband’s family, in some it was the other way around. In some cultures, it was not a woman’s husband that was important in raising kids but her brothers. I think the important part being an extended social network. If someone’s husband died or left, the kids would still have that extended family network to look out for them. The other social aspect is typically marriages arrange some kind of political and/or economic ties between families.

  • texassa

    Men are not reluctant to get married. If that were true, they wouldn’t be buying rings, proposing on bended knee, planning weddings, and reciting vows. They wouldn’t be marrying. I am a young woman and have watched countless male friends search for a future spouse and excitedly plan for their marriages. Might I suggest: (some) people are reluctant to get married. This includes female people, also known as women. I am one of them. Unlike a lot of my friends, I’ve viewed marriage not as a mark of success or ultimate achievement but as something that may take away my freedom, choices, and – yes – money. I see the upside as well, of course, but overall I find the legal and spiritual bind to be daunting. This could be from many years of watching my stay-at-home mom suffer verbal and emotional abuse from my father, knowing she would and could not leave him because her lack of value on the job market left her with little outside options. The whole Men’s Rights community is chock full of whiny losers who blame their many life failures on women and feminism. These man-boys are often overweight but think they’re entitled to a sexy, slender mate. They’re socially awkward but think they should be getting endless dates and sex on demand. They’re unsuccessful in career pursuits and think it is indicative of some kind of “end of men” societal trend. If they spent half as much energy into improving themselves as they do hammering away in MRA forums, they would be finding much greater happiness. These creeps are the lowest of the low – losers who blame their failures on an entire group of people. Men’s Rights, give me a break.

  • guest

    “The whole Men’s Rights community is chock full of whiny losers who blame their many life failures on women and feminism”

    Absolutely!
    There’s the man who complains that there are no godly women to marry (on Lori’s Facebook page). Has the man ever given one thought to the kind of person a woman would want to marry? Does he really think marriage is all about him? He calls himself a Christian, yet he behaves more like a very grown toddler who still believes the world revolves around him.
    These men believe feminism exists in a vacuum. No, sirs, feminism is a response to male domination. You don’t get to subjugate women any more. Learn how to live with equality. And by the way, equality is Biblical. Wanting your own way is not.

  • guest

    The thing is, if you read what the New Testament actually has to say about marriage, you don’t walk away with the picture Christian Patriarchy paints. Men are not told they have special rights, or that headship means they get to have the last word, or that their wives exist to serve them. Very patriarchal men are told to love their wives. Their role model is Jesus, as the Savior of the Church. The way they should love and care for their wives is the way they love and care for their own bodies. And no, that doesn’t include that self-discipline Paul talks about elsewhere.
    But they take the analogy of husband-wife Christ-Church way too far. The husband is NOT Christ. The wife is NOT the church. It’s an analogy, meant to illustrate the relationship of sacrificial love – devotion, not authority-submission.

    But mention that to any of them and you’ll be told you’re rebellious. Whatever.

  • guest

    I posted on that blog, trying to point out the unfairness of singling women out as the ones that tear down their homes. I offered the story of a dear older woman, someone I know well and I’ve seen suffering, trying to apply Lori’s principles with no success whatsoever. Hubby never changed.
    Lori’s response? The Bible says it’s the women who tear down their homes with their own hands, so it’s ok to single them out, and besides that, our experience doesn’t match yours, so there.
    She deleted my response to that comment.

    I won’t try to engage Lori in conversation. She doesn’t care about people and she’s a hypocrite. She allows men to post very inflammatory comments on a blog that’s supposed to “mentor women”. She and Ken have turned her blog into a men’s rights blog and a place for women to go to be told how incredibly wicked they are if they don’t agree with Lori and Ken’s particular understanding of Scripture.

  • Astrin Ymris

    They also like to decry “lookism”, which only seems to apply to women pursuing handsome men. Men wanting “hot” brides/girlfriends is apparently okay.
    Seriously, I think these guys have the expectation that very attractive women should be approaching them every time they go out in public, fawning over them and vying for their favor. They feel entitled to this kind of response from women, and believe that feminism is the only reason they aren’t getting it.
    You have to wonder where they got the idea that life works like this, especially for average looking men without any particular distinctions. James Bond movies? Music videos? Cologne commercials?

  • KarenH

    Oh, I know. It’s marriage as mansplained by Christian Patriarchy that I am happy to have avoided.

  • guest

    That thread has been taken over by the men now. A lady by the name of K K posted about her marriage and the men are accusing her of usurping authority and not living in a godly marriage because she and her husband are basically equal partners.
    And Lori still thinks she’s Titus 2-ing on there.

  • texassa

    Yes, they definitely get the idea from popular culture. It’s the Seth Rogen syndrome.