PANTHEON
I suspect that no other Ascetic practice is more difficult for the Pagan mind to grasp than celibacy and granted, this certainly isn’t for everyone. I’ve had extensive experience with this largely due to my relationship with Odin. As a godatheow, I remained celibate for years, largely at the behest of my God. I won’t lie: to be perfectly blunt and crude: it sucked. But, it also led to amazing insights about myself, how I approach relationships, what I unwittingly sacrificed in relationships—all insights that made me stronger as a person, better suited to service to Odin, and none of which I would have realized had I been involved in sexual relationships at that time. I personally think that while sex is great, women in this culture are encouraged to seek out relationships before they really come to know themselves, their desires, their goals. I never thought that I would value the period of celibacy that Odin required of me, but more and more I find myself feeling immensely grateful to Him. I was spared unhealthy entanglements (for until I truly knew myself, until I was strong enough to recognize my own goals and to stand against emotional manipulation, and moreover not to resort to such manipulation myself, how could any relationship be healthy?) that would have destroyed my spiritual life. I’m not saying that one cannot live a spiritual life while in a relationship—quite the opposite. For some of us though, particularly if we’ve been raised to be compliant, people-pleasers, a time taking stock without the distraction of another’s intimate needs can be very, very helpful. It’s an opportunity to learn what you will and will not sacrifice to have a partner in your life.
One thing I will caution though: it’s important to pay due respect to the Gods and Goddesses of love and sex even if one is engaging in celibacy for a time. Choosing this practice is not an excuse to denigrate either love or sex. Both paths are sacred. Both are useful. It’s oh so seriously inadvisable to show disrespect for the gifts of the love Goddesses. They really don’t take kindly to that. Choosing celibacy isn’t about hating sex. It’s about valuing one’s spiritual path and valuing the body, the self, and sex so much that you step back from it so that when the period of celibacy is over you can enter into relationships clear-sighted and cleanly. It’s a chance to acknowledge and examine unhealthy emotional baggage. It also, best of all, leaves one with ample time to devote to one’s devotional practices. I could not have developed what for me is an incredibly intense relationship with Odin if I’d had the distraction of a partner, no matter how blessed and sweet such a distraction might be. One of the Odin’s lessons to me was that everything valuable demands equal sacrifice. There are times one has to choose what one’s priorities truly are. Sometimes a period of celibacy helps one do just that.
Consciously choosing to remain celibate for a specific period of time, while engaging in other ascetic practices to deepen self awareness and increase one’s mindfulness, can be very beneficial, if uncomfortable. Again, we often associate this practice exclusively with Christian clergy, but it dates back into the ancient world and is found in nearly every religious tradition. Choosing to remain celibate for a period is not in any way a denial of one’s sexuality or of the sacredness of sexuality. It is a conscious redirection. It narrows one’s spiritual focus allowing one to expend more focus, time and energy on one’s Gods and devotional work than on the emotional entanglements of a partnership. When one chooses celibacy, sexual desire does not just go away. It must be consciously redirected.
The question constantly arises of why anyone, much less a Pagan or Heathen would want to do this and that’s certainly a valid question. Simply put, a mindful period of celibacy can sometimes be good personal “clearing-out” therapy for all the bad sexual and gender-role messages one has inevitably imbibed in our culture, or for addictive relationship behaviors. It also allows for one to explore emotional intimacy and friendships without the pressure to use sex as a substitute for either of those things. It helps one re-center one’s focus in oneself and one’s spirituality. Certainly there are any number of Deities one might call upon for help in this endeavor (Artemis or Vesta immediately come to mind).
If one wishes to experiment with this particular discipline, one need not commit to complete celibacy. It can be equally beneficial to incorporate certain sexual restrictions into one’s devotional disciplines instead. Some good examples might include making a vow to only engage in those sexual activities which improve your self-esteem as a competent and whole human being, about which you are enthusiastic, which do not bring up any old, unhealthy patterns, and which are engaged in only with people who see you as a whole human being and appreciate your spirit, and then holding to that vow no matter what, even in the face of wanting to please others – that’s a vow that most Americans would have trouble making and holding to, and it might even bring on a period of celibacy by default, which would give them a good long time to think about how they’re going about things. Invoking the aid of a love Goddess (Oshun, Freya, Aphrodite) for aid here would be very beneficial. It is, of course, polite to bring offerings when making a request. Freya especially has much to teach about learning one’s own value and not compromising on the subject of one’s personal worth.
Freya, Brisingamen’s mistress,
Lady of erotic love, war, and witchcraft,
You who know every sweetness the body can offer,
Bless me on this path.
Open me, Oh Goddess.
Show me what I am. Show me what I can become.
Show me where I am weak. Show me where I am strong.
You, oh Blessed Lady, who knew your own value
And never, ever compromised that self-worth,
Help me discover my own worth.
And guide me, Lady, that I might become strong enough
To know when I too should not compromise.
I will bring You gifts and I will praise Your name
With gratitude.
Hail, Freya.
(Common offerings to Freya include amber, amber and more amber, gold, good quality alcohol particularly goldschlager or Godiva liquor, strawberries drenched in honey, honey, sweets, perfume, flowers, etc. I’ve known devotees who gave Her gifts of erotic oils and lubricants, charms in the shape of genitals, and those who even dedicated the energy raised during sex to Her. I would suggest using your intuition and sense of respect).
It is here, most especially that a period of celibacy can enhance body-centered practice. It brings a unique clarity to that which can so often muddy our spiritual waters. This discipline can be undertaken as a way of celebrating the flesh and honoring one’s body. (This is something that Goddesses like Vesta and Hestia or conversely Aphrodite and Freya can help one to learn). It enables us to truly value human connection, sensuality, non-sexual touch, sexuality and all forms of intimacy, many of which are often overlooked. Carl Olson touches on this in Celibacy and Religious Traditions. Olson points out that “the human body is a natural symbol system…always mediated by society.” In choosing to embrace celibacy for whatever period of time, one is given the opportunity to explore how much of one’s embodiment of gender, sexuality, erotic presentation is patterned not by our own choices and preferences but by the messages of the community and society around us and what this means to our own body image. Untangling this has the potential to bring immense personal power.
There are other, equally powerful reasons for choosing to embrace celibacy for a time as well. Matthew Fox, in his powerful work The Coming of the Cosmic Christ posits that if one can extricate celibacy from the often misguided and unhealthy doctrines of the Church (Fox was writing from the perspective of a Catholic priest but we can easily substitute “our culture” for “Church”), it can be a powerful way to call attention to the needs of what he terms the sexual anawim of a culture.(1) This is a Native American term that Fox uses to encompass those whose sexuality is persecuted for whatever reason by our culture, who have been the victim of scape-goating and those who have experienced sexual violence: “the oppressed victims of social injustice.” He says that a celibate “can stand in solidarity with such persons for he or she has chosen to be a sexual minority” (Fox, p. 207). Given the degree of hostility and violence meted out toward those who exist outside of accepted gender norms, be it sexually, in terms of physical gender, or simply gender presentation, this is an incredibly powerful act of offering. I would dedicate it in this case, to a Deity who is associated in some way with gender variance, like Lilith, or Cybele, or Agdistis.(2)
Fox also notes that “the celibate is also one who has dared to dance with the demons of loneliness. Loneliness is a dark and dreadful spirit that haunts our civilization today and the voluntary celibate has risked much to wrestle with these cosmic demons in the night. The emptying that results from such dancing allows the celibate an avenue of understanding and compassion by which to enter the lives of others who have been touched by loneliness (p. 208). He connects the conscious adopting of the burden of celibacy to the spiritual discipline of compassion, and does not deny the terrible pain that can result, writing that “wisdom is also the lesson learned from our suffering and from the breaking of our hearts. These broken and opened hearts make compassion possible.” (p. 240).
I’ll be upfront and admit that my own journey into celibacy came solely from the belief that this was what Odin required of me for a specific period of time. I had no other motivations. It was only later that I began encountering material that framed the practice of celibacy in more expansive world-shaping terms.
To be sure, this last aspect of the Ascetic’s Path is not for everyone and even for those interested in this type of work, no one person has to do every single practice within a discipline. If you never do more than fast once a month, then you’re still incorporating ascetic practices into your work. The important thing is to be consistent and mindful in whatever you choose to do.
Far from abrogating the importance of the body, the Ascetic’s Path incorporates our physicality into its practice as a key point. The body is a partner in this work, the lens through which one is able to focus one’s awareness and hone and deepen one’s spiritual and magical senses. As with a martial art, steady, regular discipline develops the soul memory just like performing kata regularly develops the kinetic memory. As I noted before, our bodies, the very vehicle of our physicality, is the interface through which we act upon the world, through which we experience the world and spirituality itself. It is the vehicle through which we are able to allow our practices, be they magical or religious, to evolve. Ascetic practices, far from diminishing the value of the body, embrace it as a valuable tool. These practices strengthen and clarify, enhancing and amplifying the ability of the magician to contain and direct energies, or of the devotee, mystic or witch to be a clear, precise and vital conduit for the reciprocal connection with the Gods that is at the heart of any deep, abiding spirituality. It’s a way of discovering and honoring the self, most especially as a precious gift that one can then lay at the feet of the Gods.
“You can hear the footsteps of God when silence reigns in the mind.”
—Shri Sathya Sai Baba
Notes:
1. Interestingly, after publication of this book, Fox was defrocked in 1989 for (no joke) consorting with witches (he’d worked closely with Starhawk).
2. I highly recommend Raven Kaldera’s book “Hermaphrodeities” for anyone interested in this particular type of mindful offering
Sources:
Cannon, Dale, (1996). Six Ways of Being Religious. CA: Wadsworth, Publishing Company.
A Comparative Study of the Ascetic Ideal, by Jeffrey Conrad accessed February 10 at http://userwww.sfsu.edu/~epf/1995/ascetic.html
Fox, Matthew, (1980). The Coming of the Cosmic Christ. NY: Harper Collins Publishers.
Kaldera, Raven, (2001). Hermaphrodeities. MA: Xlibris Books.
Kaldera, Raven, (2007). Wightridden: Paths of Northern Tradition Shamanism. MA: Asphodel Press.
Krasskova, Galina, (2008). Full Fathom Five: A Devotional to the Norse Gods and Goddesses of the Sea. MA: Asphodel Press. (I recommend this book for its extensive section on ecology and mindful honoring of the earth and Her oceans).
Mickaharic, Draja, (1982). Spiritual Cleansing. ME: Weiser Books.
Olson, Carl, (2008). Celibacy and Religious Traditions. UK: Oxford University Press.
This article first appeared in BBI Media’s Witches and Pagans magazine, issue 1.
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