Responsible Pagan Sex? Never Mind!

Ah, the subject of sex.

I’m reminded of Emily Litella, the dear, sweet, hard of hearing “rebuttal” character on Saturday Night Live played by Gilda Radner.

“What’s all this I hear about sax and violins on television?” poor Emily pondered, much to the obvious chagrin of “Weekend Update” host, Jane Curtin.

“That’s sex and violence on television!” Jane would shout after she could take only so much.

“Oh, that’s different” muttered Emily, ending with her ever famous “Never mind.”

Emily made light of a subject to which many people seem to have a bipolar type reaction. Sex is horrible and should never be talked about, better yet seen on tv or movies. Yet, sex sells and it seems that the more people try to repress it, the more abundant it appears.

Pagans, in general, aren’t very shy about sex. In the words of George Michael’s “I Want Your Sex,” Pagans believe that “Sex is natural, sex is good.” It’s part of who we are as reproducing creatures on this planet. And unlike some other major religions, the fact that sex feels pretty darn good does not make it evil or sinful.

There’s a misconception about Pagans that we routinely perform orgiastic sex rites. I tend to think this misunderstanding is an exaggeration of the fact that Pagans simply do not believe sex is a mortal sin. Just because Pagans are more open about sexuality doesn’t mean that every Pagan is running around looking for the opportunity to jump headlong into a Wesson soaked gang bang.

But Paganism isn’t just about being open, it’s also about being accountable.

Since Pagans don’t have an all powerful evil overlord to tempt us, nor can we lay blame on said overlord if we make mistakes, Pagans are responsible for their own actions and decisions. Sex is no different.

When we make the conscious decision to engage in sexual activity, we’re taking responsibility ourselves. We acknowledge that we’re doing so of our own free will and should never, ever, let anyone coerce us into doing so otherwise. Nor should we ever do any coercing.

There are, of course, physical responsibilities, and most people assume that means contraception. Yes, it does, but it’s more. We are responsible to keep our bodies clean and to protect it from disease. Not just venereal diseases, either. We have the responsibility to think with our brains and know that having sex when we’ve got a sinus infection or are getting over a chest cold is a way to infect others. Heck, we don’t want to spread the flu with a handshake, better yet with intercourse!

In addition to the physical responsibilities, sexuality has emotional and spiritual ones as well. We acknowledge that sex can change a relationship and we have to be responsible for our emotional reactions to this change. We know that sex makes us vulnerable, physically, emotionally and spiritually. We recognize that it makes others just as vulnerable and we take responsibility for not abusing that vulnerability.

Sexuality, as Pagans know, can be a spiritual experience. As one Pagan recently put it, when a Pagan couple begins a sexual relationship, he sincerely hopes that each person sees the God and Goddess in each others eyes and can share in that divinity as well as the sexuality.

That’s a message I truly hope to impart to my children as they grow. And though, as a Pagan mom, I hope to teach them that sex is natural and those hormone laden feelings and desires are normal, I also hope to show them that Paganism is about responsibility.

Sex is a beautiful and natural expression of desire and joy, mutual need and trust. And yes, we’re open about it and don’t try to hide sex from our kids. I think that makes us honest and responsible.

To some, it makes us immoral. And I could try to convince them otherwise. But I’ll just follow Emily Litella’s lead.

“Never mind.”