STANDING FIRM IN GOD’S GRACE
BY
STANDING FIRM IN MARRIAGE
Marriage has been under attack in our society for some time now. God’s Word teaches that marriage is between a naturally born male and a naturally born female for a lifetime.
“How do we stand firm in our marriages?”
Peter says to us…
1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands,
What does it mean to be subject to something?
Well, let me first talk about the verb “to subject.” And give you its definition…
To Subject means to cause or force someone to experience something harmful.
Now let me speak to that for a second because this is the #1 definition of this word in our English-speaking society. Why do you think? I will give you my opinion…because people do not trust authority and they see it as the means or source that has created the greatest amount of pain in their life. And sadly, it is true for MANY. And I want to say, “I am sorry that authority and leadership has done these things to you. But it does not erase, the structure God has created for this society to function in way that brings glory to Him.
And so, let’s look at the second definition in the English language of the word “subject”
The second definition is:
To Subject: To bring someone under your authority.
In the Greek, it is the word transliterated: Upotassomenai which means: wives let the husbands be in charge.
Make that choice for him and ultimately for God.
Peter is saying, “Wives, bring yourself under the authority of your own husband.”
It doesn’t say, “Husbands make your wives come under your authority.” It doesn’t say, “Wives let someone else choose your husband and you come under the authority of whoever they pick for you.”
Wives, you get to hand pick your husband. It is your choice. What God is saying is this, “Once you pick him, let him lead. Bring yourself under his authority.”
I have four daughters. So, you know what that passage tells me? I will NOT give them away to men who don’t understand authority, because if they don’t understand authority, they won’t treat my daughter the way she deserves to be treated.
I learned in seminary, “If you want to be a great leader, learn to be a greater follower.”
Men, the measure of how good a husband you can be is going to be largely depends upon your view of authority and your ability to have subjected yourself to it. Otherwise, you will NEVER understand what God has asked of your wife and you will NEVER value her the way she deserves to be valued.
Ladies don’t pick a man who doesn’t understand authority. Pick one who has a high view it. Otherwise, you will get to suffer the consequences of it.
Now ladies you can say, “I don’t want to be subject to a man. I am equal to him. I am just as good as him. We will be equals in this.” I get what you are saying. But hear this, subjection is not about value or worth. It is simply about order. You can’t function in a healthy and godly manner in our world if you have no order. And God through Peter is describing what the order of the home is designed to look like. Now depending on a myriad of factors, how it fleshes itself out is going to look a myriad of ways, but God is describing through Peter what the order/structure of the home is supposed to be.
So, how do you stand firm in marriage?
Wives, let the husbands lead.
Now, Peter is going to address one of the most difficult components of this command from God. Look at what Peter says in 1 Peter 3:1a,
1a so that even if some (husbands) do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
Here is what Peter saying? Ladies, in marriage, your most powerful influence is your subjection. Now, I am not talking about abusive situations. I am not talking about you taking abuse. You should NEVER allow a man to abuse you. God is NEVER okay with this.
But I do want to tell you a story my dad told me five years ago when I was in Kentucky during my sabbatical in 2017. It is about my great aunt who knew her husband was sleeping around on her. And someone said to her, “Why do you stay with him?” “Why don’t you leave him, you know God permits it?”
Here is what she said, “One day he will need me and when he does, I will be there, and he will realize the error of his way.”
Later in their life he had a stroke. She served him. She didn’t leave him. She even changed his diapers because his stroke was so severe, he couldn’t even tend to his own bodily functions. He eventually realized the error of his adulterous ways and apologized to her in the latter days of his life.
Now listen to me, God didn’t require that of her. The Bible gave her freedom to divorce him and remarry. However, she chose to stay and serve him.
Wives, let your husbands lead, it’s the best the chance for you to influence them. Yes, they will screw up in a myriad of ways as fallen humans but through it all it gives you and him the best chance to grow together for the glory of Christ. But I emphasize it is not something he can demand it is simply something you choose to do.
Peter continues in 1 Peter 3:3…
3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands,
Now I am no expert on women, but I have lived with 5 now in my home for 15 plus years. Even though I don’t have a degree in womanology and haven’t spent a day of my life being one, I think it is safe to say Peter is addressing the two of the most pressing issues of most women’s lives.
- How their husbands treat them.
- How they look.
I have said to all my girls including my wife, “What is the greatest compliment I can pay you on social media. Here are the options: 1) Look at my smart wife/daughter. 2) Look at my pretty wife/daughter. Or the 3rd option which is the one they always pick 3) Look at my beautiful and intelligent daughter/wife.
And for them, it would be in that order. How a woman looks matters to the woman. Men see women and women see women. I have seen this happen a million times. We are ALL preoccupied with what a woman looks like.
Now with that said. The Apostle Peter says, “Don’t make it about your looks, make it about your spirit.” Let me say it another way, “Ladies, take better care of your heart and soul than you take of our external body.” If you do, you will be fine.
Beauty is not just appearance it is also personality. And Peter saying, tend to your personality more than your external looks.
How do you stand firm in your marriage?
Wives, tend to your soul more than your body.
Peter gives an example in 1 Peter 3:6…
6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
Ladies, do you know two of the most frightening things you will ever do?
- Let your husband lead.
- Tend to your soul more than your body.
Try these. It will create great fear and angst but eventually it will create peace because you sense God’s presence stronger in your life.
But men, husbands, listen to me, it is important, that we do our part. And what is our part? Peter tells in 1 Peter 3:7…
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way,
Husbands, marriage means we live WITH our wives, not just physically or geographically but also emotionally, spiritually, mentally. We learn to share our FEELINGS. Now how are we to live with them?
Peter says, “In an understanding way.” What does that mean? It means not in a harsh or “unfeeling” sort of way. We as husbands are to strive to understand our wives emotionally. This is what God has asked of us.
How do we stand firm in marriage?
Husbands, seek to understand your wife emotionally.
What does that mean? It means you seek to understand who she is. You try to relate to her at an emotional level.
Men tend to show anger and sexual desire and leave the rest of the emotions out. God wants us to live in an understanding way with our wives and bring the spectrum of emotions to the table. I will be the first to say this is easier said than done but required, nonetheless.
Peter says to the husbands in 1 Peter 3:7a…
7a showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel,
How is the woman the weaker vessel? It simply refers to her physical stature. In general, the woman is physically smaller than the man. This is not just mostly true for humans, but it is mostly true for animals as well.
The male is usually the larger of the two physical species. Men, we are to show honor to our wives as the smaller physical being.
What does that mean? It means don’t rough her up. Don’t treat her like one of the guys.
How stand firm in marriage?
Husbands, be gentle with your wives both physically and emotionally.
They are not a physical or emotional punching bag. They are made to love. Don’t be abusive, neglectful, or physically harming to your wife. Husbands, it is not okay to hit your wife. This is one of the most damning things about pornography. It gives men license to be physically harming to women and in marriage husbands to their wives. It is not okay.
Ladies, listen to me, don’t let him talk you into watching porn and then having sex in your marriage. It NEVER ends well and God is NOT okay with it.
Peter concludes in 1 Peter 3:7b…
7b since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
The understood assumption in this passage is this, “Do all of this for your marriage, so your prayers with each other won’t be hindered.”
How do stand firm in our marriages?
Husbands and wives, pray together!
It’s more intimate than sex. It is the most intimate thing you and your spouse can do together, is to pray and cry out to God together.
Let me tell you something I know, ladies. If your husband is leading you to watch porn with him or if he is watching it himself, I can guarantee you he is not praying with you. Prayer and porn don’t mix. Give up the porn and start praying more. BOTH OF YOU WILL FIND WHAT’S BEEN MISSING.
Let’s pray!
Blessings,
Pastor Kelly
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