I’ve realized that somewhere along the way I stopped thinking of happiness as a goal, and started thinking of it as a byproduct–something that just kind of happens when I’m too busy living well to notice. Somehow, this makes the American enshrinement of “the pursuit of happiness” puzzling. If happiness is a byproduct of a well-lived life, then you can’t pursue it except by ceasing to pursue it, you can’t gain it except by placing other goods ahead of it.... Read more

 I had one of those moments last week that sparks hope and excitement over this hard work of parenting. Both of my boys came home with notes for misbehavior on the bus that day. I talked with them about it a little bit, but I was tired and didn’t feel like making a big deal out of it, so I didn’t dole out any punishments. Instead I change the subject and told them I had brownies for them as a thank... Read more

Head on over to the Personalist Project to read my piece on Chesterton and gratitude: … We’re often told to cultivate an “attitude of gratitude” and to remember that “life is a gift.” For some reason, as much as these adages appeal, they can feel meaningless when life is particularly challenging; when we are ill, bereaved, in pain, depressed, or struggling with despair. What does it mean to say that “life is a gift”? How can it be a gift... Read more

I wrote this a decade ago, during the lead-up to the Iraq War. Not much has changed in my feeling; I can still see no better answer to arguments for war than to love better where and how I can.An Injured Love Now another story, and this onetold in yet more stringent formlines to hold the chaos of a storm,and guide the sun. For all about are echoes of a war.Mind to mind, and striking heart to heart.Tainting every separate... Read more

I’ve been following Kristin’s blog for a couple of years now, and am impressed by her strength and by the obvious happiness and good nature of her children, who she is raising on her own. Now she’s decided to look towards the future by going back to school to get a nursing degree. This would make her employable and give her a way to raise the rest of her children, since it’s become obvious that she will never see any... Read more

Our family hasn’t had the life I once thought I needed to be happy. My children don’t have everything I had as a child, and don’t we all want to give our children even better than we had?  This is an extended version of something I wrote, and then re-wrote, for the kid blog.  Of all of the hard and difficult lessons I’ve learned in the last few years, the greatest and most precious has been joy.  Joy in these... Read more

My dearest son, When I see you growing in knowledge, wisdom, and temperance (self-control), it makes me so proud!  My greatest hope for you is that you grow to be a man of honesty, courage, and mercy.  I want to tell you something about life, and about finding hope and happiness in everything, even when you feel hurt, disappointed, or frustrated.  Are you ready?  The secret to life is…that this world, and all of the people in it, and all... Read more

Strangely enough, despite my personal struggles with housekeeping over the years, I found myself cleaning houses professionally this past year. My editing work has begun picking up, so I expect to put the mop and bucket aside soon. Before I do, though, I thought I would share a few things I’ve learned from cleaning professionally and trying to balance work, parenting, and housekeeping. Here are my lazy housekeeper’s tips on making the most of limited time and energy. Schedule uninterrupted... Read more

Fear is the enemy, people. Caution is laudable, prudence is wise, and foresight and preparation are both good. But fear shuts down generosity, hampers love, weakens hope, fogs vision. It makes what is *not* real more vivid and present than what is real. It promotes paralysis, and brings the possible pains of the future into your present, to be suffered over and over again. “Be not afraid” is a byword for Christians, but it’s harder to live than it is to say! Read more

NPR has an interesting and quick read on the change in children’s play over the last century, from largely unstructured and free form, to toy-focused and/or highly structured and supervised. A friend posted it on Facebook, and after reading it, I re-posted it with this comment: I have to say, the effect of free play time on my 8 year old has a large enough effect on his self-regulation that he is largely able to go off his ADHD meds... Read more