Trigger Warning: Claiming “it is impossible” for a man to rape his wife, a Christian fundamentalist and “marital expert” argues that women should always submit to the sexual desires of their husband.
Writing at Biblical Gender Roles, a self-proclaimed expert on “marriage, feminism and the deterioration of gender roles” mansplains why marital rape is acceptable from a Biblical perspective.
Answering an alarming letter from a distraught reader asking “Is my husband raping me?” the anonymous expert on Biblical marriage explains to the reader:
it is IMPOSSIBLE Biblically speaking for a man to rape his wife
The following is an excerpt from the alarming letter written by the distraught and confused anonymous Christian wife:
My husband and I have been married for 9 years…My husband has sex with me whether I want it or not, all of the time. It has tainted our marriage and our sex life to the point of disgust. Even when I would cry, he would still have sex with me. I can read a book and he will still have sex with me. I have tried to tell him how this makes me feel, I have begged and pleaded with him, not to do this to our marriage, that I feel like his whore, or his piece of trash, he does not care….I hate when he touches me. It literally makes me sick to my stomach…So please tell me how this is not sin. How this is not rape, or abuse of some sort. Because in my mind I feel like I am living with my molester every day.
The Christian fundamentalist and “marital expert” gives a long and detailed response to the obvious plea for help, a response that ultimately minimizes and justifies the marital rape being reported.
A woman who has sex with her husband, even when she does not feel like it, even when her husband is not doing everything he should, is doing EXACTLY what God wants her to do. She is living according to the Spirit, and not according to the flesh.
Is her husband raping her or abusing her by having sex with her when she is not in the mood?
Aside from his physically harming her by forcing himself upon her no he is NOT abusing his wife from a Biblical perspective. Even if he did physically force himself upon her – it is IMPOSSIBLE Biblically speaking for a man to rape his wife. Abuse? Yes. Rape? No.
In other words, sorry nice Christian lady, but God approves of marital rape.
The whole response is a monstrous and despicable defense of marital rape justified by Biblical values.
I wish I could say the teachings at “Biblical Gender Roles” are a rare and extreme interpretation of biblical manhood and womanhood in American contemporary Christian community, but while the anonymous fundamentalist writer lacks much of the subtly and sugar coating of more established and prominent ministries, his interpretations and instruction are not misrepresentative of the “biblical” advice which married couples who seek Christian counselling for relational problems encounter on a daily basis.
Stating the obvious, not all those who identify as Christian are Christian fundamentalists, and not all Christians agree that wives should submit to marital rape. However, it’s 2015, and the Christian patriarchy is alive and well. As is usual with religious fundamentalism, it is the women who suffer the most, while men are given permission to treat their wives not as people, but as property.