Iowa Man Tries To Marry Lawnmower, And Fails

Iowa Man Tries To Marry Lawnmower, And Fails August 5, 2015

Proving that anti-gay Congressman Steve King is an idiot, an Iowa man tries and fails to marry his lawnmower.

Previously, and repeatedly, Rep. King, an extreme conservative Christian Republican from Iowa, has made the absurd claim that a person can marry an inanimate object like a lawnmower as a result of the recent and historic Supreme Court decision affirming same-sex marriage and making marriage equality the law of the land.

Last week King repeated the assertion that with the change in marriage law following the groundbreaking U.S. Supreme Court ruling, marriage only requires one person; therefore, according to King, “you can marry a lawnmower.”

King has lamented the ruling as a troubling shift from the supposed historical tradition of one man and one woman, claiming:

I had a strong, Christian lawyer tell me yesterday that, under this decision that he has read, what it brings about is: It only requires one human being in this relationship — that you could marry your lawnmower with this decision. I think he’s right.

Enter intrepid reporter Pat Rynard. Writing for the Iowa Starting Line, Raynard, expressing an unnatural fondness towards his lawnmower, decided to take Rep. King up on his promise.

Rynard, with beloved lawnmower in tow, went to the Polk County Recorder’s office in downtown Des Moines earlier this week to procure a marriage license for himself and his beloved lawnmower.

Hilarity ensues.

The following is a transcript between Rynard and Polk County Recorder Julie Haggerty:

Rynard: Hi Julie, so I came by the Recorder’s office today because I want to get a marriage license. For myself and my lawnmower.

Haggerty: Ok, the answer to that would be no. First of all – well, I should back up a bit and say how old is your lawnmower?

Rynard: Maybe six or seven years.

Haggerty: You have to be 18 years old to get a marriage license. And the other person, the other party needs to be able to sign a contract, has to have a government ID, and has to be able to have a witness who says they can enter into a contract. So I think on those counts alone you can’t marry your lawnmower.

Rynard: Now is it because I’m already married to a woman? Would I have to divorce her first? With the stuff Steve King is saying, it seems like everything is fair game now.

Haggerty: See, I should probably have asked that question first, are you married? Because if you’re still married, obviously you can’t enter into a contract.

Rynard: Ok, so no marriage with my lawnmower?

Haggerty: No marriage because you’re married, and no marriage with a lawnmower because it’s an inanimate object. You cannot marry a lawnmower.

Rynard: What about a snow blower?

Haggerty: [shakes head no]

Bottom line: Rep. King is an idiot for suggesting one could marry a lawnmower, and Rynard is a genius for calling King on his bluff.

(H/T Iowa Starting Line)

Rynard and Lawnmower (Image via Screen Grab)
Rynard and Lawnmower (Image via Screen Grab)

 

"She would suck69 it straight from the source while being happy about it. And yes, ..."

Trump-Loving Anti-Mask Pastor Threatens Dunkin’ Donuts ..."
"Charles Borromeo (Cardinal Archbishop of Milan, 16th century) was responsible for burning witches and heretics. ..."

Hundreds Forced To Quarantine After Priest ..."

Browse Our Archives