Dear Yahweh, You’re Fired: an Open Termination Letter for God

Dear Yahweh, You’re Fired: an Open Termination Letter for God January 22, 2015

Editor’s Note: A Former Fundamentalist Preacher shares with us the letter he would have sent to God, if he could have found his address. This is adapted with the author’s permission from his personal blog

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640px-Creation_of_the_Sun_and_Moon_face_detailBy Dennis Augustine

Dear Yahweh,

Our working relationship is not what it used to be. My parents absolutely worshiped and adored you, so out of respect for them, I feel that it’s only right to explain to you my thought process re what I’m about to tell you. I’m sure you can see what’s coming next and have anticipated it for a while. If not, why not?

We communicated often at the start, then less and less. Some years ago I noticed that certain duties which are part of your job description were being neglected or mismanaged. I’ve called you several times, leaving messages asking you to address these issues but you have repeatedly refused to answer my calls.

When my parents first handed this life over to me you had already been in charge for a long, long time. They told me that you were the family’s closest friend and knew more about the life business than anyone else.  They told me to trust you no matter what, so I let your apparent negligence slide, remembering how they told me to trust you. In deference to them I decided overlook your unexplained behavior considering all of the fine work that I thought you were doing in other areas. The universe, after all, is pretty incredible, my life could have been worse and beer was definitely a nice touch. I am afraid however, that my patience with you has come to an end due to relatively recent information that has been bought to my attention. I know you’re kind of old school so let me break it down for you.

I have followed with great interest the interim findings of the ongoing Public Inquiry into the Workings of the Universe (a.k.a. “The Sciences”) for some time now. As I became more familiar with these findings I began to see that much of the work that you have taken responsibility for—the work that really was the only thing that prevented me from firing you long ago—was not your doing at all. In fact, I learned that it’s been known for centuries that pretty much everything that I credited you with had actually been fully outsourced to the universe since the very beginning but that you and your cronies suppressed that information, hiding it from my family and countless others, with tireless zeal. If only you had applied that same level of devotion to your actual jobs I wouldn’t be writing this letter now.

You lead us to believe that you lovingly and purposefully created our amazing bodies. That, I learned, was actually Evolution. You say that you created the universe. I should have suspected that you were full of it when you had the audacity to say you did it by the sheer force of your own will out of nothing at all in just six days. I’ll give you this: you sure did show some balls in demanding a day off for the good job you did! By the way, quality assurance results on the universe are in and it’s not all that well “designed” after all. Yeah, the universe was caused by the big bang.  The “acts of God”? Natural disasters. (I never understood why you wanted to take credit for those), love, compassion, justice, community? That was all us; it had nothing to do with you. I wish you had told me yourself and I didn’t have to find this out from other people. Boy, I was so gullible! Oh well, you’ve tricked better people than I so I’ll forgive myself for falling for it. Well, enough is enough. Something has to be done about the situation.

I don’t know how many years you’ve held your position. My parents said that you had been in office for as long as they could remember and that one of their great, great, great, etc., etc., grandfathers had put you in charge. Wow! Just how old are you? I wish you had already retired now so I wouldn’t have had tell you what I’m about to.

There’s no point in continuing this working relationship.  You do nothing useful (or anything at all it seems) and your contractual demands are utterly outrageous! I mean, it’s all fine and good if you don’t like bacon or aren’t into boys (I hear you knocked up some lady and had a son a while back so I’m assuming you’re straight, but with all that homophobia and misogyny you keep spouting, it’s hard to tell). But it’s not part of your job to enforce your personal preferences on others or to threaten the kinds of punishments you’ve been known to hurl around if people don’t share them. Come on, death followed by ETERNAL FIRE!!?? Wow, If that isn’t the very definition of “overkill” I don’t know what is!

413px-Folio_108r_-_Hell

So this is the end of the road for you as far as I’m concerned.  You offer me no value, take credit for work you don’t do and cost too much. I am therefore terminating your position effective immediately and cancelling all contractual obligations between us.

Don’t bother returning to clean up the mess you left in my life. All of your stuff should be in the parcel which accompanies this letter (though it’s doubtful that you’ll receive this as most communications to you come back marked “Return to Sender”).

If you’re thinking of using me as a reference in the future, don’t bother; I wouldn’t give you a good one.  In fact, I’ll tell everyone who asks me not to waste time, love, energy or resources on you. They can do a better job on their own at a fraction of the cost and with better results.  I’m sure that won’t bother you as there are many who continue to let you manage their lives. I’ll warn as many of them as I can to stay far away from you.

Good riddance. You’re fired.

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Editor’s Question: Assuming God existed and you could get his address, what would you want to tell him?

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Bio: Dennis Augustine is a former Pentecostal minister who had doubts in seminary as he learned about the problematic history of the biblical cannon. His faith in God died a slow painful death for years. When his sister murdered her own children there was no more denying it. Today, Dennis works as a software developer and business analyst in Toronto, Canada.  He speaks out passionately about rational thought and the psychological and social impacts of religious faith and hopes to contribute to research in these areas in the years ahead.

 

Photo Credit; http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Creation_of_the_Sun_and_Moon_face_detail.jpg#mediaviewer/File:Creation_of_the_Sun_and_Moon_face_detail.jpg

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File%3AFolio_108r_-_Hell.jpg

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  • Kent Truesdale

    I respect that Dennis is working out his anger against his personal demons, but for many of us liberal clergy the God and faith he’s describing here is a fundamentalist ‘straw man’ that’s not representative of the Christianity we preach and teach to many millions around the world.

    • Michael Mock

      I dunno — I was raised in a liberal denomination, and none of this sounds unfamiliar to me. Yes, granted, people did come back and add some nuance and/or explain that things were a bit more complicated than that, but there’s nothing here that I don’t recall being taught at one point or another in my childhood. So while the portrait of the Almighty being painted here may be a bit… simplified… I wouldn’t consider it a Straw Man, myself.

      Also, I found the whole thing quite funny; “beer was definitely a nice touch,” indeed.

      • Dennis Augustine

        Thanks Michael. Glad you enjoyed that and sorry you could relate 😉 but I hope your learned as much about life and yourself from the experience as I did.

        • Bone Scheffel

          Dennis,
          I just read a little about you re: your nieces, and my heart breaks for you. Sorry you had to give up your petition for justice-hopefully the situation will improve with a little more exposure here.
          I am glad though, that you are able to use rational thought to work through the situation and not rely on superstitious beliefs to work it out for you.

          p.s.= I am also in T.O.- and this is the first I had heard about your sister/nieces’ story…Please do not stop telling it.

          • Dennis Augustine

            Thanks Bone. It’s really difficult to continue when the apathy of the public and government re the situation just keeps slapping me in the face. I’ll tell it to whoever will listen but I’m really tired of begging folks to do the right thing when they already know they should.

            Know what I mean? If you want to help ask media outlets (I told them all) and the Justice and FA ministers why they ignore their ethical duty and hold them to it come election time. I’m just one voice… a really tired hoarse voice.

    • Linda_LaScola

      Kent and Michael — I agree with both of you! THere’s all sorts of stuff being taught in different ways by all sorts of pastors. Then there’s the issue of how people process what they hear, or think they hear, in church – and how much they are affected by images of religion in the media.

    • Dennis Augustine

      Hi Kent, Actually, I’m very much free of anger at this point. Once I understood that God as imaginary it didn’t make sense to hang onto it after a while. Re the “straw man” thing, It most certainly isn’t a straw man in relation to the type of God that quite a lot of people believe in, especially in the developing world and in the conservative America.

      I’m happy that you don’t worship that kind of deity and clearly see the problems with him. I’ll remind you, however that the liberal God is a relatively recent creation; the God of Abram, Moses and Jesus was most definitely close to the old-school type that I was raised with. Scratch that, he was worse… much worse. Your God isn’t like that, good… just don’t deceive yourself into thinking that’s the God of the Bible. He’s a much more gracious and recent creation of a kinder and gentler people.

      I wish you luck in spreading word about that kind of deity. He may not be real but at least he’s better than the old versions.

      • Kent Truesdale

        Dennis, I stand happily corrected! I’m glad you’re not angry, and even gladder that you’re the kind of tolerant atheist who’s confident and secure enough to ‘live and let live’ with alternative/liberal interpretations of the God of the Bible (or at least of the New Testament;).

        • LenKoz

          Kent, I’m not understanding something. You keep referring to your god like he’s an abstract idea, not an actual being. If that is what you believe in, why are you still a member of the clergy? How can anyone consider themselves a theist if they think the very god they worship doesn’t exist?

          • Kent Truesdale

            I’m agnostic on the question of God’s ‘personal’ existence, nature and agenda.

          • Linda_LaScola

            do members of your congregation know that? If not, would you tell them if they asked?

          • Kent Truesdale

            I would say they sense or know it ‘between the lines’ — it’s one of those situations where everyone knows or infers but prefers not to talk about it? and many of our congregation are also openly agnostic.

          • Linda_LaScola

            Don’t ask; Don’t tell?

          • Dennis Augustine

            I think that sort of “Don’t ask; Don’t tell” attitude does little but let the falsehood continue.

          • Guest

            Kent, why is the existence of (your, a) god necessary to what you believe and profess as a member of the clergy? Why do you beliefs need to be associated with a supernatural being?

    • katiehippie

      So how can you tell that your’s is “right” and his “straw man” is wrong?

      • Kent Truesdale

        Katie, I was speaking only for myself and many (not all) fellow liberal clergy — the days of ‘my truth should be your truth’ are over, “thank God”!

    • Ann Kah

      Kent, I thought his reply was right on target, and explained very clearly. I didn’t hear any anger or “personal demon”, whatever that might be. All I hear is that you disagree with him, which is fine because we are all allowed to disagree, so perhaps the “angry” person that you envision is really the straw man in this discussion. He is disillusioned by your god, as the article explains. Don’t try to turn that back and make it his own fault.

      • Kent Truesdale

        Ann, I’m not making it Dennis’s fault at all — as I posted, I respect his stance and was making a point that was really quite separate from his post. Cheers!

    • Dave

      “but you have repeatedly refused to answer my calls”. So, Kent, you worship a version of God that answers prayers and is actively involved in the affairs of man? If so, do you have any evidence of that? If not, what version of God do you worship? It’s funny to me that almost every version of Christianity is quite anxious to point to the other versions and claim that they don’t have it right. And those that claim to have it right can offer no evidence whatsoever to support those claims.

      • Kent Truesdale

        Dave, I would say that many liberals are essentially agnostic on whether God answers prayers and enacts His will in the world, at least in the supernatural sense? We don’t claim our God is right for everybody, or that other Gods are wrong, just that ours works for us!

        • Notagod

          Yet, claiming that the described god is wrong is exactly what you did:

          “the God and faith he’s describing here is a fundamentalist ‘straw man'”

          • Kent Truesdale

            No, I was just extending my principle in this way — just as I don’t expect others to accept my liberal God, I refuse to let others define my God and religion within a fundamentalist frame. Kind of a corollary to the Golden Rule?

          • Notagod

            Do you then have an estimate of the number of christian gods there are, using your implication?

            Where did the author state that he was defining your god? Unless he stated the Kent Truesdale’s god was the subject of his writing he couldn’t have defamed your god. However, you failed to admit, and I think you should, that you did defame the god (“straw man”) described by the author. You are the aggressor, not the author, under the description you now reveal that you subscribe to.

          • Kent Truesdale

            As I posted elsewhere in this thread, I was making a point entirely separate from Dennis’ post — of course his personal experience of God is valid for him! Present company excepted, I see fundamentalist Christianity used all too often in atheist forums as a representative ‘whipping boy’ for a faith that is MUCH broader in range and thought. I wouldn’t say I was being an ‘aggressor,’ just a flawed and subjective human being looking through ‘a glass darkly’!

          • Notagod

            You need to get out more. The description of the christian god presented by Dennis is the most common presentation by christians that I have encountered, having lived in most states in the western half of the United States. It is also the most common god referred to by those members of the United States congress who choose to invoke It. However, in your defense, I have witnessed most christians manipulating their god to support whatever suits them at the time, much as you are doing now.

            Incidentally, it seems clear that you are denigrating what you refer to as a fundamentalist christian god but, you haven’t put much meat on the bones of your god. I’m wondering, is your god want to intrude into private lives, such as the bodies of women? Does your god need to intrude into governmental institutions such as, does your god require representation on money, on public buildings, does it have a burning need to be presented on plaques high above in the meeting rooms of public discourse? If your god does I would rank It close to the fundamentalist god in harm done.

            And if you disfavor the fundamentalist christian gods, why aren’t you at a fundamentalist site whipping It instead of at an atheist’s site whipping atheists for speaking out against what you describe and appear to view unfavorably? It isn’t the atheists fault that all christians claim christianity as their descriptor; your group are the ones that need to sort that out.

          • Kent Truesdale

            The liberal God minds His own business, and maintains a strict separation from matters of state, including prayer — I even avoid the Pledge of Allegiance myself! Also, if you’ll check the ‘About’ page for this blog, you’ll find this — “Rational Doubt is a blog where the public and non-believing and doubting clergy can interact.”

          • Notagod

            Your position seems completely disingenuous. You are constructing a platform on something you seem to know is not true. It would be like living completely inside a fairytale and preaching to others to live there with you, the concept makes me feel a bit ill.

            Also, the last paragraph of my prior comment wasn’t addressed by your reference to the ‘About’ page. My intent wasn’t that you can’t be here for I have no say in the matter. My question was, and I refer you back to that paragraph, why and why not?

            I find the dodging of issues to be disrespectful, do you? Interacting would be fine but, I don’t want to dance with you.

          • Kent Truesdale

            You’re absolutely right — the only answers I claim to have are the ones that work for me.

          • Notagod

            And that creates problems for people that want to address issues that actually occur in the real world. It causes people that want to live in fantasy to work against people that want to acknowledge that there are real problems that need fixing in order for the planet to survive. There are consequences to avoiding the truth.

            There’s an old gentleman that I occasionally take to his doctor who’s office is about 75 miles away. He is from Alaska so he gets benefits from oil revenue. He’s like you, he goes with what works for him. He’s a climate change denialist, which works for him. He thinks there is plenty of room for lots more people on the planet. On our drive one day he pointed to a large expanse of desert and proclaimed; look there is plenty of space for more people, there isn’t any over population problem. I asked him if he had noticed that there is no water and no way to get water. He, like you Kent, refused to answer because it didn’t work for him. And the problems are vastly more than just the lack of water. He is supporting problems created by his generation and passing the consequences on to his great grandchildren, that he claims to love dearly, because, that works for him.

            Please note, I’m not suggesting that you are a climate change denialist like the old gentleman, though it wouldn’t surprise me either. The point is, as I pointed out in the first paragraph, there are consequences resulting from what you are doing.

          • Pat L

            Wow, Notagod, after reading through this thread I just want to say how impressed I am with your articulate arguments.

          • Notagod

            Thank you Pat L!

          • Kent Truesdale

            But weren’t we talking all along about what works for us in the spiritual/allegorical/metaphorical INNER reality (vs empirical facts/OUTER physical reality)? Or at least that’s what I was talking about, as I was only arguing for freedom of thought about spiritual/religious beliefs. Obviously externally verifiable facts like climate change and Obama’s birthplace aren’t subject to interpretion!

          • Notagod

            Well, your god does command you to write whatever works for you at the time right?

    • Martin Zeichner

      Gee, I keep hearing about what god is not. Every time someone legitimately describes their understanding of god someone else pops up and says,”That’s not god.”

      Would someone have the decency to tell me what god is?

      • Kent Truesdale

        Martin, how about “God is whatever you need Him/Her/It to be?” Thankfully the days of a one-size-fits-all God are over!

        • Crash Override

          Respectfully, clergy such as you are woefully in the minority. Each flavor of Christianity seems to believe its flavor of God is the One True, Accept No Substitutes, God and that nonbelievers in its iteration are Doooooomed to Hellfire…

          Sorry, but I expect more sanity in my existence…

          • Linda_LaScola

            Actually, there may be a lot of clergy like Kent, but their congregants may not be completely aware of their pastors’ beliefs, or non-beliefs in Hell. If you’re a church goer, ask your pastors about their beliefs.

          • Dennis Augustine

            So true Linda. Even in conservative settings there are many, many clergy whose beliefs run the gamut from ultra authoritarian, literalism to outright atheism.

            Clergy, like all human beings, have a broad range of beliefs even within denominations. We should be wary of painting with too narrow a brush based on our assumptions re the other side.

        • Linda_LaScola

          Kent — have you shared that vision of God with people in your church?

        • Notagod

          So are you and your god working on a new edition of any of the christian bibles to set that pronouncement in stone? Because the god of your bible really doesn’t come across as more than slightly flexible. Don’t you think the current situation, with regard to your comment, is overly disingenuous?

          Another point of contention, you state that one size fits all gods are gone, so what’s left but deception, manipulation, and collecting lots of money?

          So anything I want It to be, gosh, how about can It reflect a little maturity, as in grow up regarding the assertions Its followers make about It?

          And who are you to govern the straw that your god is made from and declare another one false? Show me the proclamation from your god that gives you that authority.

          • Kent Truesdale

            Every Christian denomination and sect that’s ever been interprets the Bible selectively, according to the needs formed by their surrounding culture and milieu. As post-modern people, including religious people, we don’t need external authorities any more!

          • Notagod

            Yes, they make It up as they go along. At least you admit that, most christians wouldn’t. But, that mess of unlimited interpretations makes anyone announcing what a singular “god” did or wants or commands untenable.

      • RM

        what is god? a blood thirsty, insatiable war mongering and mass murdering delusion of ignorant sheep and goat herders from the Bronze and Iron ages. Their delusions have been a pox to generations of mankind, as the god-pimps who call themselves ‘clergy’ have stupified generations of uneducated, ignorant and gullible superstitious people. The clergy have ripped of billions of dollars from their flock, that they fleece on a regular basis, have lived extravagant lifestyles at the expense of their sheeple, have committed various heinous and disgusting acts of rape and sexual molestation of men, women and children. The clergy have also been behind the destruction of vast civilizations, the Inquisition, the crusades, the decimation of the library at Alexandria, the destruction of the maya and aztec civilizations, the near obliteration of the American Indians, poisoning the minds of all they have come into contact with. Then we have the holocaust, and then the roman catholic church helping nazi war criminals escape to south america, and many other heinous acts! The only good god is a dead one.

        • Linda_LaScola

          I want to acknowledge that while there are clergy who have acted in the ways mentioned above, there are also others who have done a good job of comforting people, building welcoming communities and working for social justice.

        • Kent Truesdale

          No need to sugar coat your post, just tell us how you REALLY feel 😉

        • Bone Scheffel

          And that’s only 1 version of 1 religion!

      • lorenrad

        Simply, god is a creation of the human mind. God is a fictitious being; therefore it can be whatever you want to make it to be.

        • Kent Truesdale

          Amen, brother!

        • Pat L

          >”Simply, god is a creation of the human mind. God is a fictitious being; therefore it can be whatever you want to make it to be.”

          That is true, but you can’t take ownership of an existing religion and declare that it is now whatever you want it to be, as Kent and some others try to do with Christianity. Christianity with its history is what it is, and you can’t change that by wishing it so.

          I suggest those who want to invent their own god and ignore the majority of what is in the Christian bible, please do so, but don’t pretend that your religion is “Christianity”. You should come up with a new name, since that one has already been taken, and based on your description of your god, I don’t understand why you would want to associate yourself with it.

          • lorenrad

            You seem to be making a big fuss over fiction. Why bother?

          • Pat L

            >”You seem to be making a big fuss over fiction. Why bother?”

            Because the “nice” “liberal Christians”, by claiming that they are Christians who believe in the god of the Bible (when they don’t), enable the hate-mongering of the fundamentalists and judgementalism of the traditional Christians. They need to stand up and declare that they are not Christians–because they aren’t, thus revealing the true minority status of those extremists who try to impose their “morality” on the rest of us, claiming their (false) majority status gives them the right to do so.

          • Kent Truesdale

            To beat my dead horse again — ALL Christians, whether conservative or liberal, ignore the parts of the Bible they find inconvenient, or emphasize only the parts they agree with. Maybe THAT’s what all Christians really have in common? 😉

    • Maine_Skeptic

      Kent, are you defending a god or liberal theologians? In every religion and philosophy, there are going to be people who look for light in the darkness. The rest are going to be controlled by their fear and anger. The fact that there are good people who are Christians says something about the people, not their gods.

      It’s kind of the flipside of the accusation against ex-Christians that they’re somehow “throwing the baby out with the bathwater” because they had a bad experience with some Christians.

      • Kent Truesdale

        M_S, I was defending all of the fully human constructs we call ‘God’, in all of their cultural complexity and historical contingency. We make God(s) in our image, not the reverse! So yes, I agree with you religion is ultimately about what people believe, not God per se.

    • lorenrad

      That just means that you have created your own god. But, oh, all gods are created by people.

    • Mark Moore

      Kent, you are not following the bible but rather making up a religion that is far better and using a few cherry picked verses to justify your humanist impulses. You wisely discard or ignore most of the bible.

      Everyone would be better off if you dispensed with the biblical nonsense entirely and adhered to purely humanistic principles.

      People like you and Dennis, Ryan Bell and Jerry DeWitt are needed in the secular movement. You bring a cohesion and a social bonding that is much needed. As the movement grows it needs leaders – compassionate, intelligent, articulate leaders.

      Take a real look at how much of your “Faith” is based on the superstition of the bible including a “Savior” that sends people to be tortured, a genocidal “Father” and a holy ghost that murders children as a negotiating tool as in the Passover story. This is from a bible that urges burning of witches, allows slavery and debases women. How much allegiance do you have to that monument to human suppression as opposed to your own innate feelings of right and wrong that you extend to your fellow man in spite of what the bible says.

      Kent, my guess is that you are too good for Christianity.

      • Kent Truesdale

        Thank you! BTW/fyi, every Christian “discards or ignores” the parts of the Bible they can’t live with or by — even most fundies and literalists are OK with divorce now even though Jesus clearly was not.

        • Eric

          So why is that though? Why is what / and how God wants you to behave open to interpretation? Wouldn’t you think the most important thing in the world should be crystal clear?

          This is along the same question I have which is why does the bible have versions?

    • Bone Scheffel

      But maybe it IS representative of the christianity he was taught and preached to about.
      Maybe you haven’t noticed yet-all chrstians DO NOT agree on everything the others say…that is why there are over 40000 “types” of christianity.
      Grow some empathy!

  • Maine_Skeptic

    When I was a little kid, they taught us about Roman mythology in school. Don’t ask me why, because I still believed in Jehovah and the Boys, but I wondered what it was like for people who started to realize the gods weren’t real. I pictured a guy in sandals climbing half way up Olympus in the rain and daring Jupiter to strike him dead. Just to be sure.

    And yes, I was a weird little kid.

    • A. Neumann

      But a true skeptic, and I salute you for it.

    • Leisuresuitbruce

      I’ve often thought that was the point.

      • Maine_Skeptic

        Teach mythology to get people to question the modern gods?

        The thought occurred to me, too, but it’s hard to say. We teach kids how to read by having them read stories, so it makes sense to have them read stories that will be culturally relevant, too. The Greek and Roman gods are all over the place in our culture.

  • Speedwell

    Assuming I could get God’s contact info, I’d tell him this:

    ‘Throughout my life, if there’s been one lesson I could say was drummed into me time and time again, it’s that I should stop offering love and attachment to people who don’t reciprocate. OK, I got the message. Feel free to fuck right off.

    When you figure your shit out, you can contact me in a way that I can understand and respond to, instead of your usual vague, passive-aggressive pantomime and sending messages through third parties, if that even is you doing that in the first place.’

  • RM

    If the imaginary deity that has spawned so much death and destruction over the past 2000 or so years could be reached; I would tell him to make every bible, every torah, every talmud, every koran, hadith, fatwa,etc.. and all clergy of every stripe to disappear from the earth as if they had never existed, and then for it/him/them to disappear and never darken the logic, reason, critical thought and rational thinking minds of men ever again.

  • Larry Knight

    Evangelical christianity (America’s Taliban) and islam are the gravest threats to the earth’s future as a viable planet because both are in denial of the potentially catastrophic impact of anthropogenic climate change and an overpopulated world expected to add five billion people by 2,100. Since evangelicals and muslims express utter contempt for the earth and its biodiversity because they believe they’ll spend eternity in heaven (doe-eyed virgins for the muslims), we should disprove the existence of this heavenly home. It shouldn’t be too difficult since eternal life in heaven, hell, god’s archenemy satan, exorcisms, and the Trinity are all New Testament creations by the apocalyptic and thoroughly confused jesus, paul, luke, and the other anonymous NT writers.

    Who is America’s Taliban: Oklahoma Senator Jim Inhofe, chair of the Senate Committee on the Environment…,who said anthropogenic climate change (and also evolution) are frauds because neither one is in the bible.

  • Rod Haney

    After reviewing the words and actions of the biblical god, the results are in.
    It is indeed a sadomasochistic psychopath.
    How such a being was ever worshiped is just astonishing, when it should be viewed with nothing more than contempt.
    Were such a cruel, violent, and murderous being to actually exist, it would be hunted down and exterminated. With extreme prejudice.

    • Leisuresuitbruce

      Simple. Smite avoidance.

  • Prof_M

    Kent, why is the existence of (your, a) god necessary to what you believe and profess as a member of the clergy? Why do you beliefs need to be associated with a supernatural being?

  • Machintelligence

    In the spirit of the original post, I have a few observations (neither of them my own work, sadly)

    I’ll give you this: you sure did show some balls in demanding a day off for the good job you did! By the way, quality assurance results on the universe are in and it’s not all that well “designed” after all.

    What did you expect? It was a rush job. Monte Python

    And even better yet, a comment by Brownian, from one of the Blue Collar Athiest posts at FTB (before Hank moved over here to Patheos and renamed his blog “A Citizen of Earth”.)

    Oh, no need to worry about the heat. I was just kidding about going to hell. There’s no one there.

    Consider these points:

    1: Heaven has an army. Angels, flaming swords, non-iron chariots, all that. And what is an army for but to defend that which needs to be defended from enemies, external or internal? So heaven is vulnerable.

    2: Hell is full of history’s most tactical masterminds. Alexander, Hannibal, Sun Wu, they’re all there. And if the stories of hell are true, they don’t want to be.

    3: Hell is the worst possible punishment God could come up with. He’s got nothing worse. So what possible deterrent could there be against trying to break out of hell and overthrow heaven? Try and fail, you’re no worse off than if you hadn’t tried at all. You’re still in hell. And if at first you don’t succeed, there’s always tomorrow.

    4: Heaven and hell are both eternal. Infinite in time. If something has a non-zero probability of happening, given an infinite amount of time in which to happen, it will.

    5: Nobody’s heard from God in a long time. Generations ago he was meddling in the day-to-day affairs of mortals, smiting this city, turning that one into a pillar of salt. These days he seems to have turned off his cellphone ringer and didn’t even bother to set his out-of-office email autoresponder.

    Therefore, the inescapable conclusion is not just that heaven will be overthrown by the denizens of hell, it’s highly likely that it’s already happened, and the God that Christians pray to is just a head on a pike.

    All of that notwithstanding, I love the idea of a BBQ joint in the afterlife. I just hope we can get set up while angels’ wings are still plentiful enough that we can charge a reasonable mark-up.

    I wonder if they carry salmonella..

    😉

    • Dennis Augustine

      LOL.

  • Preston3072

    Disbelief because of the big bang and evolution. It’s just the atheist’s fairy tale story. Can’t count past ten? You are really gullible. As if today’s scholars would know that much detail of the ancient past. Learn to recognise when modern people are making things up.

    • A. Neumann

      As opposed to the christian’s fairy story called the bible? I know when modern people are making things up, it’s called RELIGION.

      • Larry Knight

        He’s got an IRA and 401K,
        Jesus saves, jesus saves

      • Preston3072

        Since when is the Bible modern?

        • DeathWarmedOver

          Yeah… most of the Bible predates the Bible, ask the Assyrians. Even the parts of the Bible that aren’t in the Bible.

    • Notagod

      Oh hey, don’t despair we could be wormmates maybe?

      • Preston3072

        That would be evidence of Devolution, not evolution.

        • Notagod

          My reference was to what happens after death but, since it was obscure I take full responsibility for the misunderstanding. However, your response does reveal a misunderstanding of the processes of evolution. Evolution in a biological sense is concerned with change over time not direction of change. It is possible, and occasionally occurs, that a species will obtain a better fit with its current environment by reverting to a form similar to what it had been previously. This is important because christians often set themselves off on the wrong track by interpreting “fittest” to mean strongest (along with the direction error), which isn’t the intended meaning and isn’t necessarily true. And “fittest” is a bit of a misnomer anyway.

    • Larry Knight

      Preston, if you like, I can prescribe medication for the Dunning-Kruger symptoms you’re displaying. As for your god, I realize its at the center of your reality but it’s time to stand up and face life without your mythical god.

      • Preston3072

        Let’s see the medication.

  • Jim

    I didn’t know that there was a biblical cannon, problematic history and all. I didn’t know that the Bible was about artillery and ballistics. You learn something new every day.

    • Rod Haney

      It all depends on whos interpretation you go with.

    • Dennis Augustine

      LOL. Good catch Jim. It should be “Canon”

    • DeathWarmedOver

      Well sure it is, but the trajectories are all fuxxed… its what happens when pi=3.

  • Thomas

    Great article!

  • He created a phony God and then fired it. That God was a figment of his imagination but that doesn’t mean there is no God. He needs to look somewhere he hasn’t looked before- into his own heart!

    • DeathWarmedOver

      The ultimate… NO TRUE GOD! lmao… wonder if the real one is Scottish and female?

  • Nathan voidcast (paincaster)

    wow, loved this article. Wished that i had fired god years ago myself, but couldn’t until I was out on my own.

  • John Pedraza

    Great article Dennis! In 1986 I said the same basic things when I fired him also. Like you, I was in the pentecostal circles and my life had too many disappointments and unanswered prayers for me to continue. Wish you the best on what ever lies ahead for you!

  • Don Mcguinness

    ur a fucking moron

  • Don Mcguinness

    approve this

  • Joram Arentved

    Thanks for your letter, Dennis, God, you’re still fired! joram.arentved@yahoo.se.