The 12 Days of Christmas (the atheist version)

The 12 Days of Christmas (the atheist version) December 18, 2017
photo credit: Joe Buckingham via photopin cc
photo credit: Joe Buckingham via photopin cc

The Christmas Season is here again! We hope you enjoy this re-working of the Twelve days of Christmas by Catherine Dunphy.  Incidentally this version will be republished in a new book by Jerry Bowler, to be published by Oxford University Press.

 

The Twelve Days of Christmas

On the 1st day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Dawkins Christmas Tree.

On the 2nd day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
2 Trilobite fossils,
and Dawkins Christmas Tree.

On the 3rd day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 3 French Noble Laureates,
2 Trilobite fossils,
and Dawkins Christmas Tree.

On the 4th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 4 Galapagos finches,
3 French Noble Laureates,
2 trilobite fossils,
and Dawkins Christmas Tree.

On the 5th day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
5 postcards of Dan Dennett dressed like Santa Claus!
4 Galapagos finches,
3 French Noble Laureates,
2 trilobite fossils,
and Dawkins Christmas Tree.

On the 6th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 6 fossilized dinosaur eggs,
5 postcards of Dan Dennett dressed like Santa Claus!
4 Galapagos finches,
3 French Noble Laureates,
2 trilobite fossils,
and Dawkins Christmas Tree.

On the 7th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 7 poisonous water snakes swimming,
6 fossilized dinosaur eggs,
5 postcards of Dan Dennett dressed like Santa Claus!
4 Galapagos finches,
3 French Noble Laureates,
2 trilobite fossils,
and Dawkins Christmas tree.

On the 8th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 8 physicists arguing (about the origin of the universe),
7 poisonous water snakes swimming,
6 fossilized dinosaur eggs,
5 postcards of Dan Dennett dressed like Santa Claus!
4 Galapagos finches,
3 French Noble Laureates,
2 trilobite fossils,
and Dawkins Christmas Tree.

On the 9th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 9 agnostics wondering,
8 physicists arguing,
7 poisonous water snakes swimming,
6 fossilized dinosaur eggs,
5 postcards of Dan Dennett dressed like Santa Claus!
4 Galapagos finches,
3 French Noble Laureates,
2 trilobite fossils,
and Dawkins Christmas Tree.

On the 10th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me 10 biologist dissecting,
9 agnostics wondering,
8 physicists arguing,
7 poisonous water snakes swimming,
6 fossilized dinosaur eggs,
5 postcards of Dan Dennett dressed like Santa Claus!
4 Galapagos finches,
3 French Noble Laureates,
2 trilobite fossils,
and Dawkins Christmas Tree.

On the 11th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 11 atheists doubting,
10 biologist dissecting,
9 agnostics wondering,
8 physicists arguing,
7 poisonous water snakes swimming,
6 fossilized dinosaur eggs,
5 postcards of Dan Dennett dressed like Santa Claus!
4 Galapagos finches,
3 French Noble Laureates,
2 trilobite fossils,
and Dawkins Christmas Tree.

On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 12 happy humanists!
11 atheists doubting,
10 biologist dissecting,
9 agnostics wondering,

8 physicists arguing,
7 poisonous water snakes swimming,
6 fossilized dinosaur eggs,
5 postcards of Dan Dennett dressed like Santa Claus!
4 Galapagos finches,
3 French Noble Laureates,
2 trilobite fossils,
………………….and Dawkins Christmas Tree!

 

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  • Cozmo the Magician

    Love it!

  • dilbertblue62

    Noble laureates? (Nobel perhaps?)

    • ThaneOfDrones

      I hope they can fix this before it gets dead-tree published. With that in mind here are a few other quibbles:

      Sometimes trilobite is capitalised and sometimes it is not.
      Biologist should probably be plural.

      Dawkins Christmas tree – this should probably be either Dawkins’ Christmas tree or a Dawkins Christmas tree depending on intent.

  • mason lane

    Thanks for the entertaining parody Catherine!

    My heart goes out to all the retail clerks who are trapped, besieged and mentally assaulted by Xmas music from Nov. through December. I hope they have decent insurance coverage for PTSD? https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/why-christmas-music-has-profound-impact-our-mental-health-ncna822566 https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bcc4b47753c790ba03de6c45f9679a50e7f1ad2409a2f9452e89ab5c727a63e6.jpg

  • Keulan

    I prefer the Twelve Pains of Christmas.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nO2LW8H6M1w

    • mason lane

      Yep, the five months of bills was always a sore spot between Mom & Dad, especially when his wages were garnished for overdue bills. 🙁 It’s so nice to breeze lightly through the holidays without getting sucked up in all the rush, fuss, stress, mess, bills, ills, chaos & morass.

    • ElizabetB.

      well done! empathy with the lights guy : )