VBS – Romans 9 Gets out of Hand

VBS – Romans 9 Gets out of Hand August 27, 2018

Editor’s Note: This former Bible teacher displays her knowledge of the Bible, her wry sense of humor and her active imagination all at the same time.  Enjoy.  /Linda LaScola, Editor

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By Alexis Record

Hello children and welcome to Bible corner! Today we’ll be reading from Romans 9 while you eat your animal crackers and drink your juice.

Make sure to stay on your carpet squares! Now follow along with Polly the Puppet as she talks about God!

“God hates people.”

Wow, Polly. That wasn’t called for. Isn’t Polly pretty, children? And blunt? And pretty blunt? Haha, well, let’s get into our study, shall we?

The ninth chapter of Romans is inspired by God! You see, God wanted the author to write it down just right to best communicate with all the boys and girls of the world. Isn’t that great! So when you read from the Bible it’s like God is writing a letter just to you. What a special Pen Pal! Isn’t that right, Polly?

“You can read about his hatred.”

Heh. Well, that’s awkward, Polly. You must have your yarn braided too tight. Isn’t Polly funny, kids? Well, okay. Polly has a point. God did hate a fellow named Esau. He loved his brother, Jacob, though!

Because God is a God of love! He created you and me and rainbows and kittens.

“And Esau, despite the hatred.”

Right, and even Esau! Thanks Polly. (Don’t hover so close, it’s creepy.) Isn’t God great! Romans 9:11 makes sure to include that Esau hadn’t done anything wrong (golly gosh, he hadn’t even been born yet), but verse 13 says God hated him anyway. This is actually repeated from Malachi 1:3. And whenever God repeats himself (not herself) he reallymeans it! In Malachi, part of God’s inspired book, the Lord declared his love for Israel—that’s Jacob and his children. The people of Israel asked God how he could love them since he hated Esau, Jacob’s own brother! God responded by saying it was because he hated Esau so much that he loves them instead. See! It would be like your parents loving both you and your brother. Come on, all parents have favorites. But don’t’ worry. God has a plan for the hated sibling.

“They will be destroyed.”

Wow, Polly, that dead-eyed stare is really too much! Am I right, kids? Like, it’s piercing my soul right now. Haha! Once again, yes, Romans 9 goes on to say in verse 22 that God makes people he hates so that he can destroy them.

“Including some of you.”

Polly, did you always have fangs? How did I notnotice that before? Now I can’t look away. Anyway, what Polly means is, that, yes, sure, technically, there are someof you boys and girls here today that were possibly created specially by God for a special torture in Hell forever. Probably not all of you. Maybe some. (Most likely Billy there.)

“Because God hates you.”

Oh look! Bible corner is over and it’s time for singing! Everyone clean up their area, stop crying for their mommies, and collect their carpet squares! The song today is “How He Loves” and we’ll be repeating the line “Oh, how he loves us!” at least forty times until you really get it. There will be hand motions!

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Bio: Alexis Record is a feminist, humanist, ex-Christian atheist, and mother to children with disabilities. She devoted the first 30 years of her life to Christian study and service due to indoctrination, and is working to repair the years the locusts have eaten. She has her own blog blog here at Patheos, Removing the Fig Leaf

 

>>>>>>Photo Credits: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Creation_of_the_Sun_and_Moon_face_detail.jpg#/media/File:Creation_of_the_Sun_and_Moon_face_detail.jpg ; By Peter Paul Rubens – http://www.nationalgalleries.org/index.php/collection/online_az/4:322/results/0/5656/, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=7334392

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  • Jennny

    Ashamed to say I identify with Alexis and her Polly, been there, done that, been to puppet workshops for x-tian leaders and been told this was an awesome method of teaching the bible. I went through an ‘overboard’ phase with my team of children’s evangelists. We had some really good and very clever puppets and Muppet-style characters. Our faith told us god ‘used’ every effort we made, and maybe even years later, a child/adult might recall what that Rev-Teddy-with-a-dog-collar-on had told them about how to get saved. As a trained kindergarten teacher, I began to feel uneasy about this. If we’d ever passed round a questionaire about our ‘show’, I bet most kids would say they loved Rev Ted or Pirate Pete, they were so funny…but recall of, or understanding of, the spiritual message we thought we were imparting with such clarity and wisdom…no, they hadn’t got it at all…well, maybe a few earnest kids from x-tian homes did, but it just went over the heads of the school assembly kids I’m sure. If they met us out and about in our small village, children would ask ‘when are you coming back to our school with Rev Ted?’…and we delusionally thought that meant we were spreading the gospel..but in practice, the kids just liked the entertainment value.

    • Jim Jones

      No one ever remembers a sermon – or forgets an Elvis concert.

  • Funny how when we were Christians we glossed over how God hated Esau. Usually there was some justification about how God’s ways are higher than.ours and we can’t understand, even though our Sunday school teachers promoted the idea that hating someone is wrong….

    • viaten

      Many christian apologists would say, “That was the Old Testament”. Jesus changed all that. But the Old Testament contains the Ten Commandments which many Christians make such a big deal about. Or whenever there is something that can’t be understood or seems wrong by human standards, it’s often God’s “higher ways” or “mysterious ways”, or “You just have to have faith that God knows what he is doing.”, or “It’s not your place to question it.”

      • mason

        “That was the Old Testament” … a huge red herring, distraction, … Anything God does the mythical sons did too … they’re the same mythical creature … John 10:30 “I and the Father are one.” and the Jesus (God) character totally endorsed the nasty old testament down to the tiniest bits. The Jewish law is still in effect (according to the myth) as long as the Earth still exists. “Do not think that I came to destroy the Law or the Prophets. I did not come to destroy but to fulfill. For assuredly, I say to you, till heaven and earth pass away, one jot or one tittle will by no means pass from the law till all is fulfilled. Whoever therefore breaks one of the least of these commandments, and teaches men so, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever does and teaches them, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5: 17-19

        • viaten

          Thanks. I should remember those versus when anyone uses that line on me. Jesus speaks quite clearly and plainly. But I notice from the Skeptic’s Annotated Bible there are quite a number of contradictory versus on both sides. That there are a number of contradictions on such an important issue should also make believers stop and think.

    • mason

      We were definitely taught covert if not overt hatred for nonbelievers, especially Jews (the chosen ones who rejected their Messiah, and Catholics, the false church under the power of the anti-Christ Pope) … our team were the good guy and those who were on Satan’s team the evil ones and would burn in Hell. Didn’t matter if they were good people, if they refused to take the loyalty oath of blood atonement salvation, they were doomed to damnation while we would live forever in a celestial North Korea with streets of gold and 24/7, angelic music, and sometimes with heavenly trumpets; such a deal. Even as a numb brained believer I thought, “That’s gonna get real boring quick.”

      Side note: John 1: 18, “No man hath seen God at any time.” yet in the Hebrew myth Jacob wrestled with God and forced a deal. ( Jacob must have been on steroids and wearing a mask over his eyes) Evidently, Iron chariots and Jewish wrestlers are God’s kryptonite. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8c26cfc7a4069e268481f780615a5c2978d33df08c8195c24f2f831379f31b1b.jpg .

  • “And don’t forget what Jesus told us in Luke 14:26, children! To be a disciple, hate your mommy and daddy!”

  • mason

    Your VBS points out how Evangelical propaganda is a dark https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0e55da477aa282892166d585d3162aaef328b26a88fddb32eac04531416ef381.jpg twisted message of hate and sadism that credulous children should never be exposed. It should be as illegal as any other form of mental or physical child abuse.