The Heaven in My Mind

I’ve begun to write at least a half dozen blog posts today, and have finished none of them. No matter how hard I tried, my mind kept wandering away.

It went to the same place that it always goes, and I can’t tell you why. My mind’s favorite resting spot is a summer afternoon when I was 13. The moments when I am the most over-tired, over-scheduled, or over-stressed will send my psyche tripping down the memory of that one moment of a completely ordinary day.

It is a flash of remembrance that transports me back to a lonely stretch of highway baking under the South Texas sun. The peculiar smell of cotton fields drifts on the air which is heavy with humidity. The sun plays off of the scorching road in front of me, dancing in a shimmering mirage. The towel which is draped around my neck scratches me with the stiffness from having dried outside. My legs pedal with a steady rhythm in time to the songs I hear myself singing unabashedly off-key. It is a moment of perfect abandonment. In that moment is my place of perfect escape, perfect contentment.

It is always the same moment. I can tell you what I was wearing, and which songs I sang. I know how every muscle of my body felt as my legs propelled me ever forward. I know the smiling face of the guard at the gate, and there I always end, returning once again to the moment when I first turned upon that lonely country highway and began to sing.

I’m not sure what Heaven looks like. It’s not something I can picture with ease, but I like to think that I know how it feels – like the freedom of a 13 year old girl on a bike with the sun beating down, the cool water of a swimming pool up ahead, and the whole wide world all around.